Quarantine

Toys are strewn across the floor, socks on the couch, food paper, and empty plates dot the living room, yes, this is a new reality. Homework packets lay across the dining room table next to the books that are currently being assigned. I’m teaching decimals, addition, and subtraction along with compound words and testing comprehension. My events are canceled, however, I’m still working on books. I just released a new book last week. Many of the people that I work with are helping me to create new avenues to reach my readers and radio listeners. We are officially in quarantine. Our governor issued an executive order instructing citizens to stay home. It’s only been a week and it feels like it’s been a month.
Cabin fever is setting in. My kids are bouncing off the walls. They think they’re on vacation, yet, I keep telling them we’re in a crisis because of Covid-19. We’re struggling to get assignments done, and including logging on to their remote learning sites because everyone is at home and is using the internet. The battle of housework, preparing meals, and everything else we’re supposed to be doing and oh yeah, the disinfecting of our homes has become a back to back ordeal. It’s a lot to digest and a lot to remember. Don’t touch anything and then don’t touch your face. Now my face itches all the time whenever I go out. Always wash your hands. I was a hand-washer before, although now my diligence borders on Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Unfortunately, Covid-19 has demonstrated that it is nothing to play around with. One has to be intentional and careful in protecting ourselves.
A trick that has helped my family is removing our shoes when we come inside and washing our hands and face, which helps to protect all of us in the house. As my cousin reminded me, “Remember when you came home you immediately changed out of your school clothes or church clothes and into your play-clothes.” We got away from that and with Covid-19 running rampant we’re now practicing behaviors from days long gone to protect ourselves.
But back to the chaos of quarantine with my kids, all they want to do is eat so we made a store and they have to do chores to earn money so they can purchase snacks from the store. Seriously, they went through four boxes of cookies in like four days. It was ridiculous. I tried to rationalize with my children, however, these people don’t understand and they are not trying to either. They just want to eat and play all day long. I reminded them that they did not eat at school like that. My darling children just shrugged their shoulders. I’m at a loss.
Frustration has taken over. The drill sergeant has come out and demanded strict attention to detail on homework and all school projects including chores and retrieving socks from the couch. I’m trying to regain control of my home and surroundings, but quarantine has put a damper on that because, in reality, it’s uncontrollable. No one knows how long this will go on. Experts, politicians and other leaders try to provide direction and reassurance, although mostly it seems to create more angst than what was intended. So instead, I’ll take a deep breath and inhale and exhale three times to relax. Socks, dishes, and homework will just be here. It isn’t going anywhere. This is the new normal at least for a while.
I don’t know about you, but, I’m curious about what our new normal will look like when this is all over. Certainly, if there was an opportunity to rescind a year, 2020 would be it. I don’t think anyone who woke up on January 1, 2020, thought that they’d be facing a pandemic when they said, “This is going to be my year.” And what a year it has been so far.

Reset your Spirit

Happy New Year, it’s 2020! Let’s walk boldly into this new year, this next decade wrapped in the faith of our God, confident and courageous in who we are. Who we were created to be is not some mistake or fluke, we are a necessity. We matter and have a voice and a purpose.

Last year my word for the year was courage. This year my word for 2020 is peace. It is all about the peace that comes from God, which not only brings me inner peace but joy and satisfaction with who I am in addition to happiness. Psalms 31:3 “For you are my rock and my fortress” which means that God is my foundation, my shelter, and my protection. A foundation supports you and keeps you balanced through everything that comes at you in life.

Life can be hard, disappointing, yet it can also be happy and joyful. It depends upon your perspective and how you view God’s role in your life. No matter what happens, I believe that God will always be with me. Whether I’m trying to be more healthy by exercising and eating better, launching a new creative project, managing my responsibilities with my children and my husband, and even trying to be a better me in Christ with God at the helm of my life, I can maneuver through life with an ease in my spirit that I would not have if it weren’t for the blessings of God and his peace.

In 2019, my word was courage and God gave me the drive to see some things through that I had put off because I was afraid. Number one on that list was going back to school. As a wife and mother the challenge of going back to school while caring for children seemed daunting yet, I was able to not only do it but, I thrived as an older student in a way that I had not when I was younger. Had it not been for a dark moment when things fell apart and the opportunity to go back to school presented itself, I would not have gone back. It was during this uncertainty where I could not see the future, however, God saw it and knew it was the right time for me. He gave me the nudge and continued to support me even when obstacles popped up.

One of those obstacles was that my husband had his first stroke and I cried out to God for help because I didn’t want to stop school as I had done so many times before. That was only through the courage that God gave me to finish that I actually completed my degree and now have a new opportunity to pursue graduate school. Without God, I would not have my degree. I know people will say that your hard work is what granted you that degree, although, I know that my effort alone was not enough. My belief in God is strong and I know that when I pray he answers my prayers whether it’s small or large, dire or easy, my God is always there.

A new year, a new decade means resolutions and promises that potentially are to increase one’s wellbeing mentally and physically. However, I would add that without God it will not matter what you try to do. In 2020, as a society, we are facing many difficulties. Poverty, crime, racism, war, and an increasing disconnection among people is growing. Suicide is increasing while the number of people who are diagnosed as depressed has increased in number. Mass shootings fill our news outlets daily and we have grown numb to it. Through all of this, God still sits on the throne. I don’t have the answers to any of the above-mentioned issues, yet, I know that to combat each problem we need God in our lives.

Not to be a Debbie-Downer, I know that I alone cannot solve all of the world’s problems, however, I know that if I make changes to my life and work on myself and my community then that is a start.  Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.” This verse always reminds me to have hope in spite of all that is going on around me, which is exactly why we need to have a foundation in God.

My hope for you is that whatever are the desires of your heart that God grants your aspiration and that you will remain in him. Let 2020 be your year where you overcome the obstacles in your life and allow God to lift you above whatever has held you back. Reset your thinking and your spirit and walk boldly into who you were meant to be. Make this the best year of your life. Let’s soar together.

Depression is just like a physical disease, you just can’t see it

Depression is just like a physical disease the only difference is that you can’t see it like you would cancer, alopecia, vitiligo, amputation, stroke, heart disease or some other physical ailment.  Depression is a mood disorder that can cause extreme and persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and worthlessness. According to the National Institutes of Health in 2016 16.2 million adults in the United States had a major depressive episode. Of course, the number was higher for females with 8.5% experiencing symptoms compared to males who experienced it 4.8% of the time. Between the ages of 18-25, the reported rate of depression was higher at 10.9%.

A few days ago, I created a post on Facebook about how people don’t see depression as a physical disease. Interestingly enough there were few likes on the post and it was exactly what the author of the original piece had said. People don’t understand what they can’t see. For some depression is just sadness and some people feel like you’re a wimp because you gave into the feelings, I say that you are the exact opposite. Depression is a sign that I believe that a person has been too strong for too long. I should know because I’ve experienced depression a couple of times in my life when stressful, traumatic and overwhelming situations occurred in my life.

Life can be difficult filled with disappointments and sadness, yet there is still hope and joy. Although it seems like we are bombarded daily with negative news and unsettling world events we still have to take care of our minds so that we can function well. Each day we are barraged with tragic, active shooter events and the perpetrator is mostly said to have some sort of mental issue, which includes depression. So many of us are walking around angry, hurt and in pain that sooner or later we snap and take it out on someone violently. I’m not saying that people who have depression or mental illness are violent, however, when symptoms present themselves and we ignore them or don’t address them we can suffer under the effects and that damage can have severe consequences for the people around us.

Medical strides have been made on a variety of pills that can diminish or eliminate symptom, however, exercise and talk therapy have worked wonders for me, although one of the things that I have learned is that I need to invest my time in people that care for me and are not just there because I can supply a need. Unfortunately, I believe many people don’t have a reliable support system in place to help them navigate feelings and situations. I personally know how it feels to be in a room filled with people and feel utterly alone. Just because you have people around you, friends or not, spouse, children it doesn’t stop the feeling of sadness, worthlessness or loneliness.

When I became a Mom, I felt very lonely although people kept telling me that I was blessed. I knew that people didn’t understand and the only other people that could understand were other mothers, unfortunately, the insidious nature of depression tells you that you’re not worth it. So you stop trying and caring and just sort of ignore and go with the flow. Regrettably, that makes things go from bad to worse. Personally, for myself, I’ve learned that I don’t always know what or how to ask for what I need from people. Historically speaking for me asking has always made me feel weak and insecure.

Life was simple as a teenager when I could walk next door and see my bestie and we could sit on the porch and just let the day pass and the comfort of being around each other was enough. Now there are schedules, events, and life to manage and it all just feels like one giant hamster wheel. I’m not saying that it’s so bad it’s almost insurmountable, but that we still have to stop, breathe and take care of our minds so that we can continue. Pick up the phone, send an email, text or go over to whoever is special to you and sit and just talk. If that’s not an option then go to a professional. My therapist is a woman who is compassionate and understanding. She doesn’t let me get away with my pity party she challenges me to understand my issue and help me move on. I have a couple of friends who push me to take care of me and me alone. For them, I’m forever grateful I’m always reminded to keep my focus on my goal of becoming the author that I desire to be.

Psalms 62: 1-2, “Truly my soul waiteth upon God: from him cometh my salvation 2. He only is my rock and my salvation; he is my defense; I shall not be greatly moved.” This scripture brings me peace and reminds me that I’m not alone, God is always with me.

As you go about your day remember that Depression is a physical disease, you just can’t see it, however, also remember to treat people with kindness you may be the only one who does. None of us know what anyone is battling so be nice. Be a blessing and not a curse.

 

 

When Trouble Comes

When the troubles of life come how do you handle it? I can’t always say that I’ve handled it well. Life can be brutal, yet joyful and sad and confusing all at the same time.

I co-wrote and produced a play and let me tell you the devil was busy trying to stop this production. Before you say everything is not just evil, you’re correct, however, money problems aside I’ve definitely been tested. First off, my stove conked out and so did my furnace both at critical times with finances very low for an extended period of time. My furnace simply went kaput when the weather turned cold. This may not seem like a huge issue, but when its cold a space heater doesn’t necessarily cover it. Secondly, my husband and I stressed each other out a lot, especially me trying to get this project off of the ground. Thirdly, my husband was accosted by the police wrongfully for looking like a person of interest as he was told. Two undercover officers barrelled up on him literally with guns out while he walked back from Sinai Grace hospital back to his office where he works because he carried a backpack and he was considered a suspect in a robbery. No probable cause outside of a shaky description. His personal effects, which included his bag of M&M’s, a boiled egg and some paperwork for his office were scattered and tossed carelessly onto the street by these two police officers. Once they got another call that the suspect was in custody, they took off. No apology, no nothing. So after two officers pulled a gun on him and one of them put the gun to the back of his head, my husband stood there shaken. After a couple of minutes, he quietly gathered his items and stood there still shaken on the street. Afterwards, he called me and all I could think about was that he could have been killed and we’d never know what really happened or even why it happened. I’ve had people try to throw dirt on me in regards to this production and others who tried to stop the production. It’s been an eye-opener for real.

This has been an amazing journey, yet humbling because through everything God has remained faithful and blessed this production. We got another stove from friends who had an extra in storage and we were able to buy another furnace again with the help of friends. They know who they are and words can never express how grateful I am to them. Through it, all my husband shouldered it so I could keep my focus on the production. All I can say after everything was said and done, I’m extremely grateful and thankful to all that supported me through this process. I’m reminded that doing the right things are never easy and that if they were, everyone would do it.

I’m exhausted, yet excited for what’s coming next. Escape to Paradise: Book 3, two new stage plays for 2018, yes, I’m ambitious. And although I’d love to be on an exotic beach right now, I have work to do. This grind process won’t manage itself. It takes dedication and commitment. The bible says, “Weeping may endureth through the night, but joy cometh in the morning.” My joy has been restored. I am grateful and thankful for the blessings and the trials. God has shown me what’s possible and no matter what troubles come and they will that’s life, my focus has to remain on God and his promise. People talk a lot about how you respond to life’s troubles or how you carry your load. Yes, I must remain positive and it’s all true that does determine how successful you are in handling something, but it’s not always the reality. Trust me I know.  Because I could feel the darkness creeping back in on me, but Praise God he blessed me to fight back and rebuke that terrible, dark spirit. 2 Chronicles 20:15″And he said, Hearken ye, all Judah, and ye inhabitants of Jerusalem, and thou king Jehoshaphat, Thus saith the Lord unto you, Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God’s.”

If you’re struggling to move forward or trying to figure out if something is supposed to be – just listen to God’s voice and he will direct you. He directed my steps and he can direct yours. All you can do is put one foot in front of the other and walk forward, speak a kind word to yourself and remember your blessings. God is ever faithful and will keep you. If you look back over your life at times when he brought you out of something just remember he did it once and he’ll do it again. Be blessed, my friends.

Confidence and Confrontation

Do you have the confidence to tackle your goals, address your grievances, confront those who have hurt you or take that leap of faith? According to the dictionary, confidence is the feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities and the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust. I know how it feels to doubt yourself and your abilities. It’s easy to let the negative Nancy dialogue play out in your head, “You’re not such and so, You’ll never be as good as such and such, Who are you to try and do this, Why do you matter, Why would anyone listen to you, you’re not smart enough, You don’t fit or look like what the expectations say you should or you don’t behave like expectations say you should”. Fear has stopped and killed more dreams and desires than failure ever could. How do I confront the very thing that scares me? According to the dictionary, confrontation is a hostile or argumentative meeting or situation between opposing parties. I confront my fear by having confidence in God, myself and my resolve to accomplish a thing.

When I first published my first book, I questioned would people really want to read something written by me? Will they buy it or is it just a pity purchase? When I was asked to share my story I wondered if I could engage my audience? Will they see and hear the fear in me? So many times we worry about the exterior concerns and don’t focus on the inner strength that we possess. If we focus on God, he will lead us to where we should be.

In the last few weeks, God has shown me the power of following his will. I’ve been given the confidence to share my story, engage my audience and educate others on the very topic that I discussed. Opportunities have blossomed and my books have given me the freedom to share my love of storytelling and increase interest in books and literacy. I’ve had the good fortune to address uncomfortable and hurtful issues that have occurred and addressed people who have wronged me. It’s no simple feat. It takes guts, courage, and faith to move forward and do what God has asked of us. What are you afraid of? You are more capable than you know. Believe in yourself and believe in God. Have the confidence to confront whatever is holding you back from the greatness that you desire. Take that step God will lead you to where you want to go.

Change Your Perspective

Sometimes we have frustrations because our perceptions of how things should be did not happen.  I’m a person who has high expectations for everything and everyone around me because I behave how I want other people to respond to me, although life doesn’t work like that. Unfortunately, I’m constantly disappointed. I have an unrealistic expectation that my children should clean up and be responsible for their things, most people would say yes that’s reasonable, however, they’re four and eight so I’m always telling a little person where their stuff is or should go. So consequently I live in a state of frustration with them.

I’d like to believe that my husband can always tell what mood I’m in, unfortunately after twenty years he’s still clueless when it comes to what makes me tick or how I’m feeling and I have to remember that he’s not a mind reader, although that’d be nice. So in between kids, bills, jobs, and just stuff we have to figure it out. When things happen I know that my friends will be there, although it’d be nice to just hang out when there is nothing going on and just enjoy each other’s friendship. The same goes for family, although with my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles deaths it seems that the younger generation has grown further apart. So my current situation is that  I am producing my first play and am struggling with my expectations and trying not to be disappointed. There is much excitement, however, there is fear that somehow this won’t go well or that something will happen to screw it up and it will be all my fault. I’ve become the person who expects to be disappointed. This has developed over the years. I know this is a result of that nagging voice in my head that speaks poorly. Gotta figure out how to shut her up.

I told someone the other day that my day started off wrong and then it ended well, but I have to remember to stay in the moment and not let someone or something knock me off my square. It’s hard to be present and at peace when you’re juggling family, marriage, career and whatever else you have going on. Most days I feel like I’m running around in a circle. This year so many things have come my way another death in the family conflicts with other family members, financial struggles continue episode 10,003, health struggles and the constant feeling of am I really moving forward or just standing still.

I don’t know about you, but I desperately needed to change my perspective. I drove to the beach and sat by the water and talked to God. My spirit calmed and I was able to focus again on my goal. Remember, it’s our perceptions and expectations that disappoint us not people. I had a conversation with someone about death and how folks always say they will check in on you, but they do not. The reality is no one owes you or has to do anything for you. People become consumed with their lives and assume because you are maintaining yours you must not be struggling. However, those of us that are considered strong struggle in silence. I’ve had to tell people that I’m extremely sensitive and I know I live in my feelings a lot, although I dare not show them. Very few people will ever see me ugly cry or even get really angry and if you do that means I trust you a hell of a lot. I have this thing about keeping up appearances and having control. I know no one ever has control and it’s always about how you respond so sometimes I try to not respond and keep things cool, which, at times has made situations worse, but that’s another post.

The reality is unless I’m going to become a hermit and live on an island by myself (my personal dream is to own my own island) than I have to interact with folks. That means that although I may desire something from them they may not be able to give it me because they are not equipped or don’t want to. That can be disappointing, however, it’s a real truth and one that has to be accepted.

 

The Basis of my characters

Each and every one of the characters that I create are based on either something  that I’ve experienced, witnessed, or read about. Being a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend has given me loads to write about. In Escape to Paradise I use my experience with postpartum depression in an exaggerated way to broach the subject. In addition to postpartum depression I exaggerate the need to be everyone’s caretaker. For me this has always been one of my greatest weaknesses. I care too much for others and have paid for it with much emotional pain.

As a former caregiver to my mother and grandmother the stories, experiences and range of emotions that I can share are vast and deep. The helplessness, loneliness, exhaustion, frustration and anger are just the tip of what many caregivers experience and share. When I had my first child the feeling of being overwhelmed, full of love and absolutely terrified of everything consumed me. With Escape to Paradise I have planted these issues deep inside two main female characters and had them act out in such a way that these hurts were brought to the surface.

With the introduction of my two main male characters you get to see how they respond to the female characterizations along with dealing with their own issues and hurts. Life can be a fruitful library of ideas if you know where to look. My great-grandmother taught me the art of people watching and I must say that because of that skill I’ve been able to create some wonderful stories.

If you desire to be an Author or you are a writer try using personal experiences as a point of development in moving the story forward that you want to write. Not everything has to be true only the essence of the situation. Try it and see where it takes you. For me it took me to Escape to Paradise: Book 1 and 2.

Check out Escape to Paradise

kimberlybatchelordavis.com

 

When Life feels weary…

When life makes you weary, the feeling can be overwhelming. It’s an underlying symptom of depression, I believe.  Part of my struggle is that I have a desperate need to be something, other than just a Mom and a Wife. I know I’m an author, community activist, event planner, playwright, etc., but it doesn’t help when you see people around you fulfilling their goals and I’m still struggling with mine. The word tells us to be grateful and thankful for where we are and what we have.

My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. James 1:2-5.

 

I struggle with this because my gut tells me there is so much more for me. I’ve seen so much and can see myself in such a greater place than where I am now. Unfortunately, I don’t have a fairy godmother who can wave her magic wand and make something instantaneously happen so I create characters and stories in the mean time.  I have to rely on my faith. So I acknowledge my struggles through my characters.

My books deal with disappointment, loss, sadness, forgiveness and peace. Escape to Paradise deals with family stress, disappointment, forgiveness, love, lust and trust. My protagonist Mia deals in her issues of feeling the need of taking care of people all the while ignoring her own needs. That’s a classic case for me. I’ve often said it’s easier for me to address someone else’s situation than it is mine. I even added in a juvenile character to address my struggles in dealing with my children. My boys are both ultra-competitive and it’s literally driving me crazy. They fight over everything. Most days I just want to put them out on a street corner and say “See ya’ wouldn’t want to be ya’.” It’s more than a notion in dealing with those two.

The struggle for peace in one’s life is tough and deeper than what many people believe.  Some days are easier than others, although today feels like I could just curl up in a ball and pull the covers over my head. I know that I can’t hide. Facing my issues and duties is what everyone has to do. I’d just like to be on a beach while the ocean laps at my feet and I write my next story. Continue to press on, write, acknowledge how you feel and pray. God will provide a way.  Seek out counseling Therapists are helpful tools and can assist us in identifying what’s bothering us and why.  Continue to move forward…I am.

 

Kimberly Batchelor Davis Mission Statement

Mission Statement

To create content that empowers, empathizes and embraces the struggles of women, writers and motherhood while fostering an environment that can celebrate, inspire and provide a safe place to discuss those issues that concern women, writers and mothers.

Why I went back to work

Why I went back to work is a question I’m asked a lot. I took a job because staying at home with my kids was not mentally engaging me. What I mean is that although I have two little chatterboxes who are very active, there is no opportunity for mental stimulation for me. No participatory conversation that stimulated my linguistic skills, challenged my thought process, or helped to keep my memory sharp. The routine of my kids was lulling me into a lazy state of ambiguity. Kids wake up, feed them, pop in a movie, read a book or play a game it was all the same to me. The monotony of it all began to wear thin on me. I love my children, but I needed something more for me.
Although I would work from home at times, it was always difficult because conference calls would hastily be moved to the bathroom for quiet and working on a computer, I had to balance a laptop and a toddler at the same time. In the beginning it seemed a viable alternative, however the stress of multi-tasking and organizing family and business in the same area just didn’t work anymore.
I found myself dreading the day and looking forward to the time when my children would be asleep. That meant I could work uninterrupted, despite the fact that I was cutting into my precious sleep time. My sleep bank grew more and more depleted each day. Between the battles to get my children to sleep and trying to accomplish my projects—I was simply spent. An outside work environment seemed to be the best option and something crossed my desk that I thought that I would be interested in. It was an industry that I was familiar with. Unfortunately, the position that I desired, I did not get, but I received another offer for another position.
I was elated that I’d be able to leave my house and have adult stimulating conversations. I convinced myself that I’d still be able to come home and give my children their much needed time. For the most part I do give them their time, however the position turned out to not be what I expected. Can you say Boring, uneventful, and totally the opposite of stimulating to say the least, nevertheless, I’m sticking it out until I finish my books and can move on to something better.
I struggle to come home, cook and entertain my family. A mother’s job is never done, no matter if she works in the home or outside of it. Mother’s wear so many hats and balance many plates. No holiday can make up for what Moms give to their families. Although most Mom’s say they just want time for themselves, I believe that’s true, however I believe that we all want a choice in what we do. There should be no pigeon holing in telling a mother to stay at home or go back to work. Whatever you decide to do, soar in your goals. Your children will thrive because you do. My children are doing well now that I’ve gone back to work and that’s a beautiful thing.