Here’s my confession, I’m a people pleaser and I despise myself for it. I’m always going above and beyond for people because that’s what I want people to do for me, however that’s not real life. I was listening to a radio show and the host said “Some of us don’t know how to love ourselves.”
This resonated for me. The host discussed ways in which she showed love to herself through inspirational greeting cards.
I don’t really do anything for myself because I’m always busy doing for others. My days are spent juggling schedules, husband, kids, home and attempting to string some words together in a coherent fashion for an article or a book. Let’s just say that most days it’s a losing proposition. My attention is usually pulled towards the yelling, fighting or some type of disgruntled behavior between two particular little people. Between homework, potty training, discipline and bedtime it can all be a bit much trying to keep up with the Joneses. (You know those mothers who always act like they are doing everything right and you are doing everything wrong).
In my former professional life I struggled with always needing to have my work validated by a superior. After complaining to my former boss that she didn’t give me credit for a project that was well done – she replied that I shouldn’t need anyone’s praise to know that I did a superb job. I said I know that I did a great job, but that it would be nice to be recognized by her. I remember leaving her office feeling dejected and unappreciated. Fast forward to now and it seems like no matter what I still feel unappreciated because the very people who I break my back for are ungrateful. That’s probably harsh because they’re kids, however it doesn’t negate how I feel.
I told someone recently I no longer have a desire to care about other people’s feelings or be polite. That shit hasn’t gotten me anywhere except more and more pissed off. People only do for others what they want to do and it’s usually not even close to what you may want so why do I bother to care because I have a big old sensitive heart that gets broken quite frequently. So as much as I may try to stop being a people pleaser it’s probably always going to be a struggle for me.
I have to love myself enough to know that I did my best no matter what anyone says. Practicing forgiveness is a big part. I’m very hard on myself and I think that’s why I look for others to validate me so I don’t feel like I’m making it up.
If you’re a people pleaser like me try to practice loving on yourself you may just find that your voice is the only one that matters. That’s what I’m working on…
Kimberly Batchelor Davis 