Reset your Spirit

Happy New Year, it’s 2020! Let’s walk boldly into this new year, this next decade wrapped in the faith of our God, confident and courageous in who we are. Who we were created to be is not some mistake or fluke, we are a necessity. We matter and have a voice and a purpose.

Last year my word for the year was courage. This year my word for 2020 is peace. It is all about the peace that comes from God, which not only brings me inner peace but joy and satisfaction with who I am in addition to happiness. Psalms 31:3 “For you are my rock and my fortress” which means that God is my foundation, my shelter, and my protection. A foundation supports you and keeps you balanced through everything that comes at you in life.

Life can be hard, disappointing, yet it can also be happy and joyful. It depends upon your perspective and how you view God’s role in your life. No matter what happens, I believe that God will always be with me. Whether I’m trying to be more healthy by exercising and eating better, launching a new creative project, managing my responsibilities with my children and my husband, and even trying to be a better me in Christ with God at the helm of my life, I can maneuver through life with an ease in my spirit that I would not have if it weren’t for the blessings of God and his peace.

In 2019, my word was courage and God gave me the drive to see some things through that I had put off because I was afraid. Number one on that list was going back to school. As a wife and mother the challenge of going back to school while caring for children seemed daunting yet, I was able to not only do it but, I thrived as an older student in a way that I had not when I was younger. Had it not been for a dark moment when things fell apart and the opportunity to go back to school presented itself, I would not have gone back. It was during this uncertainty where I could not see the future, however, God saw it and knew it was the right time for me. He gave me the nudge and continued to support me even when obstacles popped up.

One of those obstacles was that my husband had his first stroke and I cried out to God for help because I didn’t want to stop school as I had done so many times before. That was only through the courage that God gave me to finish that I actually completed my degree and now have a new opportunity to pursue graduate school. Without God, I would not have my degree. I know people will say that your hard work is what granted you that degree, although, I know that my effort alone was not enough. My belief in God is strong and I know that when I pray he answers my prayers whether it’s small or large, dire or easy, my God is always there.

A new year, a new decade means resolutions and promises that potentially are to increase one’s wellbeing mentally and physically. However, I would add that without God it will not matter what you try to do. In 2020, as a society, we are facing many difficulties. Poverty, crime, racism, war, and an increasing disconnection among people is growing. Suicide is increasing while the number of people who are diagnosed as depressed has increased in number. Mass shootings fill our news outlets daily and we have grown numb to it. Through all of this, God still sits on the throne. I don’t have the answers to any of the above-mentioned issues, yet, I know that to combat each problem we need God in our lives.

Not to be a Debbie-Downer, I know that I alone cannot solve all of the world’s problems, however, I know that if I make changes to my life and work on myself and my community then that is a start.  Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.” This verse always reminds me to have hope in spite of all that is going on around me, which is exactly why we need to have a foundation in God.

My hope for you is that whatever are the desires of your heart that God grants your aspiration and that you will remain in him. Let 2020 be your year where you overcome the obstacles in your life and allow God to lift you above whatever has held you back. Reset your thinking and your spirit and walk boldly into who you were meant to be. Make this the best year of your life. Let’s soar together.

Depression is just like a physical disease, you just can’t see it

Depression is just like a physical disease the only difference is that you can’t see it like you would cancer, alopecia, vitiligo, amputation, stroke, heart disease or some other physical ailment.  Depression is a mood disorder that can cause extreme and persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and worthlessness. According to the National Institutes of Health in 2016 16.2 million adults in the United States had a major depressive episode. Of course, the number was higher for females with 8.5% experiencing symptoms compared to males who experienced it 4.8% of the time. Between the ages of 18-25, the reported rate of depression was higher at 10.9%.

A few days ago, I created a post on Facebook about how people don’t see depression as a physical disease. Interestingly enough there were few likes on the post and it was exactly what the author of the original piece had said. People don’t understand what they can’t see. For some depression is just sadness and some people feel like you’re a wimp because you gave into the feelings, I say that you are the exact opposite. Depression is a sign that I believe that a person has been too strong for too long. I should know because I’ve experienced depression a couple of times in my life when stressful, traumatic and overwhelming situations occurred in my life.

Life can be difficult filled with disappointments and sadness, yet there is still hope and joy. Although it seems like we are bombarded daily with negative news and unsettling world events we still have to take care of our minds so that we can function well. Each day we are barraged with tragic, active shooter events and the perpetrator is mostly said to have some sort of mental issue, which includes depression. So many of us are walking around angry, hurt and in pain that sooner or later we snap and take it out on someone violently. I’m not saying that people who have depression or mental illness are violent, however, when symptoms present themselves and we ignore them or don’t address them we can suffer under the effects and that damage can have severe consequences for the people around us.

Medical strides have been made on a variety of pills that can diminish or eliminate symptom, however, exercise and talk therapy have worked wonders for me, although one of the things that I have learned is that I need to invest my time in people that care for me and are not just there because I can supply a need. Unfortunately, I believe many people don’t have a reliable support system in place to help them navigate feelings and situations. I personally know how it feels to be in a room filled with people and feel utterly alone. Just because you have people around you, friends or not, spouse, children it doesn’t stop the feeling of sadness, worthlessness or loneliness.

When I became a Mom, I felt very lonely although people kept telling me that I was blessed. I knew that people didn’t understand and the only other people that could understand were other mothers, unfortunately, the insidious nature of depression tells you that you’re not worth it. So you stop trying and caring and just sort of ignore and go with the flow. Regrettably, that makes things go from bad to worse. Personally, for myself, I’ve learned that I don’t always know what or how to ask for what I need from people. Historically speaking for me asking has always made me feel weak and insecure.

Life was simple as a teenager when I could walk next door and see my bestie and we could sit on the porch and just let the day pass and the comfort of being around each other was enough. Now there are schedules, events, and life to manage and it all just feels like one giant hamster wheel. I’m not saying that it’s so bad it’s almost insurmountable, but that we still have to stop, breathe and take care of our minds so that we can continue. Pick up the phone, send an email, text or go over to whoever is special to you and sit and just talk. If that’s not an option then go to a professional. My therapist is a woman who is compassionate and understanding. She doesn’t let me get away with my pity party she challenges me to understand my issue and help me move on. I have a couple of friends who push me to take care of me and me alone. For them, I’m forever grateful I’m always reminded to keep my focus on my goal of becoming the author that I desire to be.

Psalms 62: 1-2, “Truly my soul waiteth upon God: from him cometh my salvation 2. He only is my rock and my salvation; he is my defense; I shall not be greatly moved.” This scripture brings me peace and reminds me that I’m not alone, God is always with me.

As you go about your day remember that Depression is a physical disease, you just can’t see it, however, also remember to treat people with kindness you may be the only one who does. None of us know what anyone is battling so be nice. Be a blessing and not a curse.

 

 

Kimberly Batchelor Davis Mission Statement

Mission Statement

To create content that empowers, empathizes and embraces the struggles of women, writers and motherhood while fostering an environment that can celebrate, inspire and provide a safe place to discuss those issues that concern women, writers and mothers.

Why I went back to work

Why I went back to work is a question I’m asked a lot. I took a job because staying at home with my kids was not mentally engaging me. What I mean is that although I have two little chatterboxes who are very active, there is no opportunity for mental stimulation for me. No participatory conversation that stimulated my linguistic skills, challenged my thought process, or helped to keep my memory sharp. The routine of my kids was lulling me into a lazy state of ambiguity. Kids wake up, feed them, pop in a movie, read a book or play a game it was all the same to me. The monotony of it all began to wear thin on me. I love my children, but I needed something more for me.
Although I would work from home at times, it was always difficult because conference calls would hastily be moved to the bathroom for quiet and working on a computer, I had to balance a laptop and a toddler at the same time. In the beginning it seemed a viable alternative, however the stress of multi-tasking and organizing family and business in the same area just didn’t work anymore.
I found myself dreading the day and looking forward to the time when my children would be asleep. That meant I could work uninterrupted, despite the fact that I was cutting into my precious sleep time. My sleep bank grew more and more depleted each day. Between the battles to get my children to sleep and trying to accomplish my projects—I was simply spent. An outside work environment seemed to be the best option and something crossed my desk that I thought that I would be interested in. It was an industry that I was familiar with. Unfortunately, the position that I desired, I did not get, but I received another offer for another position.
I was elated that I’d be able to leave my house and have adult stimulating conversations. I convinced myself that I’d still be able to come home and give my children their much needed time. For the most part I do give them their time, however the position turned out to not be what I expected. Can you say Boring, uneventful, and totally the opposite of stimulating to say the least, nevertheless, I’m sticking it out until I finish my books and can move on to something better.
I struggle to come home, cook and entertain my family. A mother’s job is never done, no matter if she works in the home or outside of it. Mother’s wear so many hats and balance many plates. No holiday can make up for what Moms give to their families. Although most Mom’s say they just want time for themselves, I believe that’s true, however I believe that we all want a choice in what we do. There should be no pigeon holing in telling a mother to stay at home or go back to work. Whatever you decide to do, soar in your goals. Your children will thrive because you do. My children are doing well now that I’ve gone back to work and that’s a beautiful thing.

A Mother’s Responsibility

As a mother, one of your main responsibilities is to protect your children at all costs. You teach your children manners, the difference between right and wrong, and how to be respectful of others. What do you do when the color of your child’s skin puts them in harm’s way? With the senseless shootings, violence and general racist sentiments ramping up I’m forced to confront a deep seated fear, that my child could be harmed. It will not matter that he comes from a respectable family, that he’s well mannered, Christian or any of the other self-ascriptions that I give him. He’ll simply be seen as black and dangerous.

He’s above average in height, one could describe him as a man child already at the age of 6. He’s extremely goofy. He believes that farts and belches are funny, loves super heroes and is mischievous like a normal 6 year old. He holds my hands when we cross the street and kisses me goodnight. He has no understanding of violent culture.

If people are cursing or fighting he says, “OOOOh Mommy, they said a bad word.” He’s focused on trying not to lie because he’s been taught that God does not like lying. He knows stealing is bad and that you should always ask first and say thank you. He also knows that people should keep their hands to themselves. But what happens if my child is somewhere and someone is threatened because he looks bigger and older than he really is? Add to that being black and you have a dangerous mix brewing that will eventually lead to horrible consequences for someone.

I watched the video of the pool party in Texas where the police were cursing and swearing at the black kids, “Get your asses’ home.” but the white kids were told “Get your butts home.” Now this may not seem like a big deal, but if you respect a population then you’ll treat them with a modicum of decency. This was definitely not the case in the interaction with the black kids. When the young girl is thrown to the ground and made to lay on her face while she’s in a bikini with the officer’s knees in her back, my blood boiled. What if that was my child? Where was the adult supervision? Who’s advocating for these children?

That’s my big concern in relation to this incident like so many others that we see and hear about on a daily basis. If my kid is at your house then there should be supervision. Even in the supposed gated communities stuff still happens. Remember, Trayvon Martin. An adult should’ve made sure that the kids stayed contained in a specific area. From the video, it looked like there was a lot of chaos. I’m not sure how much adult control was directed, but I do know that as a parent it is my job to protect my children as well as, any guests that may be over for a visit. Long gone are the days when a child can be dismissed to walk home alone, in some places that’s considered child neglect.

A Fla. Couple was investigated for allowing their teenage son to stay at home by himself because he was locked out. He had access to water, played basketball in his own yard, but the authorities were summoned because the young man was outside playing alone for 90 minutes. It’s absurd. What’s even more disturbing is the trend of free range parents, where children are allowed to roam to parks, playgrounds, etc. without supervision.

Each and every parent has the right to decide how to parent. But unfortunately for parents of black children our rights are limited because of the stereotypes associated with our children. I don’t have the luxury to be a free range parent. I have to know where he is and who he’s with all the time. I have to instruct my sons on behavior that although is normal for everyone, the same behavior will get them killed, wearing a hoodie, running with a group of kids or being in a car with three other boys. It saddens me that the simple joys of being silly and goofy have to be measured by surroundings and attitudes. My sons are my joy and life. No one has the right to harm them, but I have to prepare them for the day when something might happen. Although this saddens me—it is necessary so that he can survive.

Ignorance is Bliss

My mini rant for the day. Winter Break, Easter Break and snow days are tools of the devil that torment parents. Too much time, over stimulated kids, too much energy in my children all contribute to my breakdown. With the cold, snow and my to do list, it’s been hard to keep up with my kids. It’d be different, if I could send them outside to play, not, it’s too cold. Can’t go to the library, it’s closed. My to do list today is long and has two meetings on it. So what is a Momma to do? I’m throwing my arms up because no matter what I do, my children don’t listen.

Case in point, the other night I tossed and turned in numerous attempts to get some sleep. My husband slept soundly beside me. Every five minutes some little person kept shouting out Mommy to annoy me. At first it was Daddy, but Daddy ignored them and slept soundly. I on the other hand heard every sound emanating from their room. After several attempts to get them to quiet down, I gave up. There’s only so much energy that I can expend.

Last night, it was Deja Vu all I heard was the TV. Suffice it to say, I’m tired and still busy. With the weather it’s been hard to take the kids places because its been so frigid. Prayerfully, things will get better later this week. Originally, I had some things planned for the kids, however my plans didn’t work out. There are still three more days left in the week. I have to get it together. My husband says “Take it one day at a time and learn to ignore them. They’re fine.”

My girlfriend yesterday reiterated the same message. That I have to learn to ignore and get my discipline game face on. She watched me struggle with my oldest yesterday and become completely flustered by him. It wasn’t pretty, however its my reality.

My reality, my problem, I’ll have to learn how to deal with this. Maybe once I figure it out, I’ll be able to write a book disclosing all my secrets. People say how this is such a wonderful time and that I should just enjoy it. That may all be true, however no one ever talks about how difficult and frustrating being a parent can be. Ignorance is bliss when you don’t know.

Depression

Depression is a thief that robs life from those afflicted. Its ability to transform a happy person into a worrier, full of sadness at a moment’s notice is downright scary. Some days I wake up with renewed energy (on those rare nights when I get to sleep) others it’s a struggle to get through the day. Schedules, household duties, family responsibilities, emotional meltdowns from an overly dramatic six-year-old or a feisty, stubborn two-year old make me just want to run into oncoming traffic screaming like a mad woman.

The enormous responsibility of being a mom and wife most days seems to overwhelm me. It’s hard to find the quiet place where you can recharge, reflect and rest. Depression is something that I’ve dealt with for several years now. It always seems to rear its head when there are enormous stresses occurring in my life. Counseling has always helped me, however what I really need is to be able to get my life back. I need my own creative space.

Creatively speaking and writing works for me, although the opportunities have been limited. Being intentional in my planning, still learning how to say “NO” (especially to my children) and being silent have helped me to cope some.

Having finally realized the dream of being published has been an amazing journey, but now it feels like I have stalled and am no longer moving, just treading water again. I like to be busy, however I appreciate having downtime. I think that’s probably my biggest struggle is managing all these other things and still having time for myself. If I physically went to an office each day and life was compartmentalized I might be in a better state of mind. Things would probably make more sense instead of how everything bleeds into each other since I work from home.

I feel like I literally run from one thing to another never fully completing anything, simply patch working at its best. I’ve got to do better and be better. My vision board is now complete. I’ve actually lost 10 lbs. toward my desired goal. Its one step at a time. I have to remember this. I’m a work in progress and depression can’t steal my joy.