Category Archives: Adventure

Change Your Perspective


Sometimes we have frustrations because our perceptions of how things should be did not happen.  I’m a person who has high expectations for everything and everyone around me because I behave how I want other people to respond to me, although life doesn’t work like that. Unfortunately, I’m constantly disappointed. I have an unrealistic expectation that my children should clean up and be responsible for their things, most people would say yes that’s reasonable, however, they’re four and eight so I’m always telling a little person where their stuff is or should go. So consequently I live in a state of frustration with them.

I’d like to believe that my husband can always tell what mood I’m in, unfortunately after twenty years he’s still clueless when it comes to what makes me tick or how I’m feeling and I have to remember that he’s not a mind reader, although that’d be nice. So in between kids, bills, jobs, and just stuff we have to figure it out. When things happen I know that my friends will be there, although it’d be nice to just hang out when there is nothing going on and just enjoy each other’s friendship. The same goes for family, although with my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles deaths it seems that the younger generation has grown further apart. So my current situation is that  I am producing my first play and am struggling with my expectations and trying not to be disappointed. There is much excitement, however, there is fear that somehow this won’t go well or that something will happen to screw it up and it will be all my fault. I’ve become the person who expects to be disappointed. This has developed over the years. I know this is a result of that nagging voice in my head that speaks poorly. Gotta figure out how to shut her up.

I told someone the other day that my day started off wrong and then it ended well, but I have to remember to stay in the moment and not let someone or something knock me off my square. It’s hard to be present and at peace when you’re juggling family, marriage, career and whatever else you have going on. Most days I feel like I’m running around in a circle. This year so many things have come my way another death in the family conflicts with other family members, financial struggles continue episode 10,003, health struggles and the constant feeling of am I really moving forward or just standing still.

I don’t know about you, but I desperately needed to change my perspective. I drove to the beach and sat by the water and talked to God. My spirit calmed and I was able to focus again on my goal. Remember, it’s our perceptions and expectations that disappoint us not people. I had a conversation with someone about death and how folks always say they will check in on you, but they do not. The reality is no one owes you or has to do anything for you. People become consumed with their lives and assume because you are maintaining yours you must not be struggling. However, those of us that are considered strong struggle in silence. I’ve had to tell people that I’m extremely sensitive and I know I live in my feelings a lot, although I dare not show them. Very few people will ever see me ugly cry or even get really angry and if you do that means I trust you a hell of a lot. I have this thing about keeping up appearances and having control. I know no one ever has control and it’s always about how you respond so sometimes I try to not respond and keep things cool, which, at times has made situations worse, but that’s another post.

The reality is unless I’m going to become a hermit and live on an island by myself (my personal dream is to own my own island) than I have to interact with folks. That means that although I may desire something from them they may not be able to give it me because they are not equipped or don’t want to. That can be disappointing, however, it’s a real truth and one that has to be accepted.

 

My Testimony



From 2008-2016 my weight bounced up and down. I struggled with postpartum depression and depression. I lost myself to the unrealistic expectations of motherhood. I shut down emotionally, physically and even spiritually. The despair, feeling of hopelessness and anger almost consumed me, however God lifted me up and reminded me whose I am. It didn’t happen overnight. There were a lot of tears, prayers and my soul literally crying out to him. In 2015 I went back to therapy and realized that everything that I was feeling was normal and that I had to take time for myself. That was the first step. Since then I’ve walked each day (almost) even in inclement weather and am intentional in what I eat. I know that this is my testimony. This is what God has called me to do, along with writing and being creative. I encourage anyone who reads this post to find your calling and cast your cares on the Lord for he loves you.
#GetNaked #TestimonyformyFatherinHeaven #Godwillbringyoutoittobringyouthroughit #YourbodyisyourTemple
kimberlybatchelordavis.com

Are you a priority?


Are you a priority in your  own life? Are your responsibilities screaming at you? Does your family demand so much of your time that you feel invisible? Are you a doer? Meaning you’re the one who people come to for advice, help or whatever? Do you find yourself struggling through something and people constantly complimenting you on how strong you are?

If you answered yes to any of the above than welcome to my world. The demands can be so great on you that you feel like your head will explode. I personally understand how sometimes a person can literally feel like they’re about to burst with rage, anger and sadness. Sometimes the responsibilities, the demands, the constant need is just too much.

What I learned from my therapist is that no matter how much needs to be done, when it’s due, or even who needs it you still have to make time for yourself. Mothers, especially with young children struggle with this because of the heavy demands placed on them. The world tells Mothers that you should do everything for your kids and be happy because they are a blessing. Which is true, however sometimes the demands are so great that you can grow exhausted, become overwhelmed and develop feelings of resentment.

I no longer try to put on the mask that says that I’m happy all the time because quite frankly I’m not. I’m exhausted, overwhelmed and sometimes downright irritated because my children will not cooperate. The great thing about this is now I honor my feelings and I take a break. I make time for myself whether its going for a run/walk, taking a long hot bath uninterrupted, reading or just having a glass of wine. I matter. My time matters and its important for my family to understand that as much as I do for them I need to do for me, too.

That means that you matter, too. Take time for yourself. What do you enjoy? That question stumped me when I went back to therapy because I had stopped doing the things that once interested me because I was so focused on my family. Find out what you love and embrace it in a way that makes sense for you. Everybody’s solution will not work for everyone, although sometimes we can take nuggets and improvise on them to make them work in our world.

Take time for yourself today. You matter.

Pour positivity into yourself


Sisters,

Pour positivity into yourself

Don’t allow others to take all of you and not give something back

Remember you can’t pour from an empty cup. However remember to build your energy stores back up

When you’ve been strong for too long…


As an African-American woman there is a perception that we can handle every and anything that is thrown at us and we can and do, however sometimes things get hard for us and we falter. Sisters we get up, take care of our families, work, worship and do everything except take care of ourselves. Why is it so difficult for us to put ourselves first?

The bible says, “Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.” Psalms 27:14 Now if you’ve been to a black church you’ll always hear an older black woman say “Child I’m just waiting on glory.” I understand this saying so much more now as an adult. Sometimes you just get tired and nothing helps because your spirit is weary.

I understand what it means to wait on the Lord, although at times I feel like a break from a situation is sometimes what may be needed in the short-term. The physical body needs rest. Being a wife, mother, author and business owner can be taxing with the multitude of details that goes into any given day. I tell people all the time I manage four people’s schedules, Aiden, Miles, my husband Kevin and finally mine. A lot of times I will cancel something for myself because it doesn’t work with the family’s schedule and I know I shouldn’t, but sometimes it’s just that way.

Sometimes we have to suck it up and go with the flow. This is where things can go awry if you’ve been strong for too long. When do you let go? When do you break down? Is it when the tears flow? Or is it when you’re past the point of aggravation and you explode? I don’t know about you, but for me its happened after tears and the point of aggravation. I totally lost it over something so minor because I had been holding on too long to something. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of the strong black woman stereotype. I want to be the woman who I’m supposed to be while being a helpmate to my husband, however sometimes old habits are hard to break. For as long as I can remember I’ve always been the one that people looked to for advice, now it’s just exhausting and unsustainable. I find myself pining for the opportunity to relinquish control to someone else and that’s when I remember to wait on the Lord.

Sometimes God tells us to stand still and I struggle with that. I don’t know how to be still. I know how to be busy. When you’ve been strong for too long you learn how to cope and keep yourself entertained, busy or actively engaged in something. My mind is always racing with thoughts and worries. I know that I’m supposed to trust God, however when you’ve been shown what you can handle its hard to sometimes step back and let go.

Being strong doesn’t mean that you can’t lean on someone, talk to a therapist, cry, scream, pray about it or whatever you do that helps you through. It just means that you may have to release or let go. When you’re strong you hold on and fight. I don’t want to anymore – I just want to breathe – have peace and feel calm. It’s okay to not be strong and let someone else take care of it. If you’re struggling try to take a step back, ask for help and accept it. You’ll thank yourself later.

 

The Basis of my characters


Each and every one of the characters that I create are based on either something  that I’ve experienced, witnessed, or read about. Being a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend has given me loads to write about. In Escape to Paradise I use my experience with postpartum depression in an exaggerated way to broach the subject. In addition to postpartum depression I exaggerate the need to be everyone’s caretaker. For me this has always been one of my greatest weaknesses. I care too much for others and have paid for it with much emotional pain.

As a former caregiver to my mother and grandmother the stories, experiences and range of emotions that I can share are vast and deep. The helplessness, loneliness, exhaustion, frustration and anger are just the tip of what many caregivers experience and share. When I had my first child the feeling of being overwhelmed, full of love and absolutely terrified of everything consumed me. With Escape to Paradise I have planted these issues deep inside two main female characters and had them act out in such a way that these hurts were brought to the surface.

With the introduction of my two main male characters you get to see how they respond to the female characterizations along with dealing with their own issues and hurts. Life can be a fruitful library of ideas if you know where to look. My great-grandmother taught me the art of people watching and I must say that because of that skill I’ve been able to create some wonderful stories.

If you desire to be an Author or you are a writer try using personal experiences as a point of development in moving the story forward that you want to write. Not everything has to be true only the essence of the situation. Try it and see where it takes you. For me it took me to Escape to Paradise: Book 1 and 2.

Check out Escape to Paradise

kimberlybatchelordavis.com

 

Escape to Paradise: Book 2


A successful corporate attorney, Mia who lives in a historic and stately mansion has her life turned upside down when her sister and her family come to live with her after suffering a major financial setback. Her unemployed sister, Lisa and her husband, Marcus are struggling in an unhappy marriage along with the care of their eleven month old son, Jackson.

After struggling to keep Lisa and Marcus from destroying her home, Mia desperately needs a break and her brother, Jamal comes to her rescue. He sends her to St. Thomas where she meets William, a wealthy casino and real estate developer and sparks fly between them. William is struggling to get over being jilted at the altar in Las Vegas and unwittingly finds himself strongly attracted to Mia. Soon a bond forms between them that will test both of them and their desire for each other.

Check out my latest at http://www.kimberlybatchelordavis.com

 

 

When Life feels weary…


When life makes you weary, the feeling can be overwhelming. It’s an underlying symptom of depression, I believe.  Part of my struggle is that I have a desperate need to be something, other than just a Mom and a Wife. I know I’m an author, community activist, event planner, playwright, etc., but it doesn’t help when you see people around you fulfilling their goals and I’m still struggling with mine. The word tells us to be grateful and thankful for where we are and what we have.

My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. James 1:2-5.

 

I struggle with this because my gut tells me there is so much more for me. I’ve seen so much and can see myself in such a greater place than where I am now. Unfortunately, I don’t have a fairy godmother who can wave her magic wand and make something instantaneously happen so I create characters and stories in the mean time.  I have to rely on my faith. So I acknowledge my struggles through my characters.

My books deal with disappointment, loss, sadness, forgiveness and peace. Escape to Paradise deals with family stress, disappointment, forgiveness, love, lust and trust. My protagonist Mia deals in her issues of feeling the need of taking care of people all the while ignoring her own needs. That’s a classic case for me. I’ve often said it’s easier for me to address someone else’s situation than it is mine. I even added in a juvenile character to address my struggles in dealing with my children. My boys are both ultra-competitive and it’s literally driving me crazy. They fight over everything. Most days I just want to put them out on a street corner and say “See ya’ wouldn’t want to be ya’.” It’s more than a notion in dealing with those two.

The struggle for peace in one’s life is tough and deeper than what many people believe.  Some days are easier than others, although today feels like I could just curl up in a ball and pull the covers over my head. I know that I can’t hide. Facing my issues and duties is what everyone has to do. I’d just like to be on a beach while the ocean laps at my feet and I write my next story. Continue to press on, write, acknowledge how you feel and pray. God will provide a way.  Seek out counseling Therapists are helpful tools and can assist us in identifying what’s bothering us and why.  Continue to move forward…I am.

 

People Pleasing: How I validate myself…Enough is Enough


Here’s my confession, I’m a people pleaser and I despise myself for it. I’m always going above and beyond for people because that’s what I want people to do for me, however that’s not real life. I was listening to a radio show and the host said “Some of us don’t know how to love ourselves.”
This resonated for me. The host discussed ways in which she showed love to herself through inspirational greeting cards.

I don’t really do anything for myself because I’m always busy doing for others. My days are spent juggling schedules, husband, kids, home and attempting to string some words together in a coherent fashion for an article or a book. Let’s just say that most days it’s a losing proposition. My attention is usually pulled towards the yelling, fighting or some type of disgruntled behavior between two particular little people. Between homework, potty training, discipline and bedtime it can all be a bit much trying to keep up with the Joneses. (You know those mothers who always act like they are doing everything right and you are doing everything wrong).

In my former professional life I struggled with always needing to have my work validated by a superior. After complaining to my former boss that she didn’t give me credit for a project that was well done – she replied that I shouldn’t need anyone’s praise to know that I did a superb job. I said I know that I did a great job, but that it would be nice to be recognized by her. I remember leaving her office feeling dejected and unappreciated. Fast forward to now and it seems like no matter what I still feel unappreciated because the very people who I break my back for are ungrateful. That’s probably harsh because they’re kids, however it doesn’t negate how I feel.

I told someone recently I no longer have a desire to care about other people’s feelings or be polite. That shit hasn’t gotten me anywhere except more and more pissed off. People only do for others what they want to do and it’s usually not even close to what you may want so why do I bother to care because I have a big old sensitive heart that gets broken quite frequently. So as much as I may try to stop being a people pleaser it’s probably always going to be a struggle for me.

I have to love myself enough to know that I did my best no matter what anyone says. Practicing forgiveness is a big part. I’m very hard on myself and I think that’s why I look for others to validate me so I don’t feel like I’m making it up.

If you’re a people pleaser like me try to practice loving on yourself you may just find that your voice is the only one that matters. That’s what I’m working on…

It’s just too much


I awoke to another black man being killed for being a threat and then later finding out it’s a mistake. When is it ever going to be enough? Waves of anger, sadness, frustration and disbelief wash over me. I want to scream and cry. Police officers scare me although I know many officers. I worry for my husband and sons when they leave home.
My oldest is only eight, however he’s always mistaken for looking older than he is and I worry will someone hurt him because of that. My youngest is 4 and still has tantrums like the Hulk-I wonder will that get him killed. My husband who is a big, black guy and would literally give you the shirt off of his back I wonder if someone will mistake him for someone else and kill him.
These thoughts plague my mind and cause constant worry. Going to the store to pick up butter almost cost my husband his life a couple of years ago because he walked outside of the grocery store and saw a kid being shot two vehicles away from ours for an attempted carjacking. I worry about my male friends who are like brothers to me. I don’t want to attend any funerals for something like that. It’s just too much!
My girlfriends who have husbands and sons I worry for them and we worry for each other. We pray and talk about what we should be doing to protect ourselves, but unfortunately what can you do when the color of your skin makes you a target?
The answer for me is I don’t know. I’m tired, frustrated and angry. Every day it’s another shooting and although I support police officers why can’t they support us? Again I don’t know the answer to this question.
I pray each day over my children and my husband. I don’t know when this will stop, but I do know that people are angry and that anger never solved anything. It only hurts those that you love along with yourself.