When you’ve been strong for too long…

As an African-American woman there is a perception that we can handle every and anything that is thrown at us and we can and do, however sometimes things get hard for us and we falter. Sisters we get up, take care of our families, work, worship and do everything except take care of ourselves. Why is it so difficult for us to put ourselves first?

The bible says, “Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.” Psalms 27:14 Now if you’ve been to a black church you’ll always hear an older black woman say “Child I’m just waiting on glory.” I understand this saying so much more now as an adult. Sometimes you just get tired and nothing helps because your spirit is weary.

I understand what it means to wait on the Lord, although at times I feel like a break from a situation is sometimes what may be needed in the short-term. The physical body needs rest. Being a wife, mother, author and business owner can be taxing with the multitude of details that goes into any given day. I tell people all the time I manage four people’s schedules, Aiden, Miles, my husband Kevin and finally mine. A lot of times I will cancel something for myself because it doesn’t work with the family’s schedule and I know I shouldn’t, but sometimes it’s just that way.

Sometimes we have to suck it up and go with the flow. This is where things can go awry if you’ve been strong for too long. When do you let go? When do you break down? Is it when the tears flow? Or is it when you’re past the point of aggravation and you explode? I don’t know about you, but for me its happened after tears and the point of aggravation. I totally lost it over something so minor because I had been holding on too long to something. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of the strong black woman stereotype. I want to be the woman who I’m supposed to be while being a helpmate to my husband, however sometimes old habits are hard to break. For as long as I can remember I’ve always been the one that people looked to for advice, now it’s just exhausting and unsustainable. I find myself pining for the opportunity to relinquish control to someone else and that’s when I remember to wait on the Lord.

Sometimes God tells us to stand still and I struggle with that. I don’t know how to be still. I know how to be busy. When you’ve been strong for too long you learn how to cope and keep yourself entertained, busy or actively engaged in something. My mind is always racing with thoughts and worries. I know that I’m supposed to trust God, however when you’ve been shown what you can handle its hard to sometimes step back and let go.

Being strong doesn’t mean that you can’t lean on someone, talk to a therapist, cry, scream, pray about it or whatever you do that helps you through. It just means that you may have to release or let go. When you’re strong you hold on and fight. I don’t want to anymore – I just want to breathe – have peace and feel calm. It’s okay to not be strong and let someone else take care of it. If you’re struggling try to take a step back, ask for help and accept it. You’ll thank yourself later.

 

The Basis of my characters

Each and every one of the characters that I create are based on either something  that I’ve experienced, witnessed, or read about. Being a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend has given me loads to write about. In Escape to Paradise I use my experience with postpartum depression in an exaggerated way to broach the subject. In addition to postpartum depression I exaggerate the need to be everyone’s caretaker. For me this has always been one of my greatest weaknesses. I care too much for others and have paid for it with much emotional pain.

As a former caregiver to my mother and grandmother the stories, experiences and range of emotions that I can share are vast and deep. The helplessness, loneliness, exhaustion, frustration and anger are just the tip of what many caregivers experience and share. When I had my first child the feeling of being overwhelmed, full of love and absolutely terrified of everything consumed me. With Escape to Paradise I have planted these issues deep inside two main female characters and had them act out in such a way that these hurts were brought to the surface.

With the introduction of my two main male characters you get to see how they respond to the female characterizations along with dealing with their own issues and hurts. Life can be a fruitful library of ideas if you know where to look. My great-grandmother taught me the art of people watching and I must say that because of that skill I’ve been able to create some wonderful stories.

If you desire to be an Author or you are a writer try using personal experiences as a point of development in moving the story forward that you want to write. Not everything has to be true only the essence of the situation. Try it and see where it takes you. For me it took me to Escape to Paradise: Book 1 and 2.

Check out Escape to Paradise

kimberlybatchelordavis.com

 

Escape to Paradise: Book 2

A successful corporate attorney, Mia who lives in a historic and stately mansion has her life turned upside down when her sister and her family come to live with her after suffering a major financial setback. Her unemployed sister, Lisa and her husband, Marcus are struggling in an unhappy marriage along with the care of their eleven month old son, Jackson.

After struggling to keep Lisa and Marcus from destroying her home, Mia desperately needs a break and her brother, Jamal comes to her rescue. He sends her to St. Thomas where she meets William, a wealthy casino and real estate developer and sparks fly between them. William is struggling to get over being jilted at the altar in Las Vegas and unwittingly finds himself strongly attracted to Mia. Soon a bond forms between them that will test both of them and their desire for each other.

Check out my latest at http://www.kimberlybatchelordavis.com

 

 

When Life feels weary…

When life makes you weary, the feeling can be overwhelming. It’s an underlying symptom of depression, I believe.  Part of my struggle is that I have a desperate need to be something, other than just a Mom and a Wife. I know I’m an author, community activist, event planner, playwright, etc., but it doesn’t help when you see people around you fulfilling their goals and I’m still struggling with mine. The word tells us to be grateful and thankful for where we are and what we have.

My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. James 1:2-5.

 

I struggle with this because my gut tells me there is so much more for me. I’ve seen so much and can see myself in such a greater place than where I am now. Unfortunately, I don’t have a fairy godmother who can wave her magic wand and make something instantaneously happen so I create characters and stories in the mean time.  I have to rely on my faith. So I acknowledge my struggles through my characters.

My books deal with disappointment, loss, sadness, forgiveness and peace. Escape to Paradise deals with family stress, disappointment, forgiveness, love, lust and trust. My protagonist Mia deals in her issues of feeling the need of taking care of people all the while ignoring her own needs. That’s a classic case for me. I’ve often said it’s easier for me to address someone else’s situation than it is mine. I even added in a juvenile character to address my struggles in dealing with my children. My boys are both ultra-competitive and it’s literally driving me crazy. They fight over everything. Most days I just want to put them out on a street corner and say “See ya’ wouldn’t want to be ya’.” It’s more than a notion in dealing with those two.

The struggle for peace in one’s life is tough and deeper than what many people believe.  Some days are easier than others, although today feels like I could just curl up in a ball and pull the covers over my head. I know that I can’t hide. Facing my issues and duties is what everyone has to do. I’d just like to be on a beach while the ocean laps at my feet and I write my next story. Continue to press on, write, acknowledge how you feel and pray. God will provide a way.  Seek out counseling Therapists are helpful tools and can assist us in identifying what’s bothering us and why.  Continue to move forward…I am.