Tag Archives: Writers Block

When Trouble Comes


When the troubles of life come how do you handle it? I can’t always say that I’ve handled it well. Life can be brutal, yet joyful and sad and confusing all at the same time.

I co-wrote and produced a play and let me tell you the devil was busy trying to stop this production. Before you say everything is not just evil, you’re correct, however, money problems aside I’ve definitely been tested. First off, my stove conked out and so did my furnace both at critical times with finances very low for an extended period of time. My furnace simply went kaput when the weather turned cold. This may not seem like a huge issue, but when its cold a space heater doesn’t necessarily cover it. Secondly, my husband and I stressed each other out a lot, especially me trying to get this project off of the ground. Thirdly, my husband was accosted by the police wrongfully for looking like a person of interest as he was told. Two undercover officers barrelled up on him literally with guns out while he walked back from Sinai Grace hospital back to his office where he works because he carried a backpack and he was considered a suspect in a robbery. No probable cause outside of a shaky description. His personal effects, which included his bag of M&M’s, a boiled egg and some paperwork for his office were scattered and tossed carelessly onto the street by these two police officers. Once they got another call that the suspect was in custody, they took off. No apology, no nothing. So after two officers pulled a gun on him and one of them put the gun to the back of his head, my husband stood there shaken. After a couple of minutes, he quietly gathered his items and stood there still shaken on the street. Afterwards, he called me and all I could think about was that he could have been killed and we’d never know what really happened or even why it happened. I’ve had people try to throw dirt on me in regards to this production and others who tried to stop the production. It’s been an eye-opener for real.

This has been an amazing journey, yet humbling because through everything God has remained faithful and blessed this production. We got another stove from friends who had an extra in storage and we were able to buy another furnace again with the help of friends. They know who they are and words can never express how grateful I am to them. Through it, all my husband shouldered it so I could keep my focus on the production. All I can say after everything was said and done, I’m extremely grateful and thankful to all that supported me through this process. I’m reminded that doing the right things are never easy and that if they were, everyone would do it.

I’m exhausted, yet excited for what’s coming next. Escape to Paradise: Book 3, two new stage plays for 2018, yes, I’m ambitious. And although I’d love to be on an exotic beach right now, I have work to do. This grind process won’t manage itself. It takes dedication and commitment. The bible says, “Weeping may endureth through the night, but joy cometh in the morning.” My joy has been restored. I am grateful and thankful for the blessings and the trials. God has shown me what’s possible and no matter what troubles come and they will that’s life, my focus has to remain on God and his promise. People talk a lot about how you respond to life’s troubles or how you carry your load. Yes, I must remain positive and it’s all true that does determine how successful you are in handling something, but it’s not always the reality. Trust me I know.  Because I could feel the darkness creeping back in on me, but Praise God he blessed me to fight back and rebuke that terrible, dark spirit. 2 Chronicles 20:15″And he said, Hearken ye, all Judah, and ye inhabitants of Jerusalem, and thou king Jehoshaphat, Thus saith the Lord unto you, Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God’s.”

If you’re struggling to move forward or trying to figure out if something is supposed to be – just listen to God’s voice and he will direct you. He directed my steps and he can direct yours. All you can do is put one foot in front of the other and walk forward, speak a kind word to yourself and remember your blessings. God is ever faithful and will keep you. If you look back over your life at times when he brought you out of something just remember he did it once and he’ll do it again. Be blessed, my friends.

Are you a priority?


Are you a priority in your  own life? Are your responsibilities screaming at you? Does your family demand so much of your time that you feel invisible? Are you a doer? Meaning you’re the one who people come to for advice, help or whatever? Do you find yourself struggling through something and people constantly complimenting you on how strong you are?

If you answered yes to any of the above than welcome to my world. The demands can be so great on you that you feel like your head will explode. I personally understand how sometimes a person can literally feel like they’re about to burst with rage, anger and sadness. Sometimes the responsibilities, the demands, the constant need is just too much.

What I learned from my therapist is that no matter how much needs to be done, when it’s due, or even who needs it you still have to make time for yourself. Mothers, especially with young children struggle with this because of the heavy demands placed on them. The world tells Mothers that you should do everything for your kids and be happy because they are a blessing. Which is true, however sometimes the demands are so great that you can grow exhausted, become overwhelmed and develop feelings of resentment.

I no longer try to put on the mask that says that I’m happy all the time because quite frankly I’m not. I’m exhausted, overwhelmed and sometimes downright irritated because my children will not cooperate. The great thing about this is now I honor my feelings and I take a break. I make time for myself whether its going for a run/walk, taking a long hot bath uninterrupted, reading or just having a glass of wine. I matter. My time matters and its important for my family to understand that as much as I do for them I need to do for me, too.

That means that you matter, too. Take time for yourself. What do you enjoy? That question stumped me when I went back to therapy because I had stopped doing the things that once interested me because I was so focused on my family. Find out what you love and embrace it in a way that makes sense for you. Everybody’s solution will not work for everyone, although sometimes we can take nuggets and improvise on them to make them work in our world.

Take time for yourself today. You matter.

When Life feels weary…


When life makes you weary, the feeling can be overwhelming. It’s an underlying symptom of depression, I believe.  Part of my struggle is that I have a desperate need to be something, other than just a Mom and a Wife. I know I’m an author, community activist, event planner, playwright, etc., but it doesn’t help when you see people around you fulfilling their goals and I’m still struggling with mine. The word tells us to be grateful and thankful for where we are and what we have.

My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. James 1:2-5.

 

I struggle with this because my gut tells me there is so much more for me. I’ve seen so much and can see myself in such a greater place than where I am now. Unfortunately, I don’t have a fairy godmother who can wave her magic wand and make something instantaneously happen so I create characters and stories in the mean time.  I have to rely on my faith. So I acknowledge my struggles through my characters.

My books deal with disappointment, loss, sadness, forgiveness and peace. Escape to Paradise deals with family stress, disappointment, forgiveness, love, lust and trust. My protagonist Mia deals in her issues of feeling the need of taking care of people all the while ignoring her own needs. That’s a classic case for me. I’ve often said it’s easier for me to address someone else’s situation than it is mine. I even added in a juvenile character to address my struggles in dealing with my children. My boys are both ultra-competitive and it’s literally driving me crazy. They fight over everything. Most days I just want to put them out on a street corner and say “See ya’ wouldn’t want to be ya’.” It’s more than a notion in dealing with those two.

The struggle for peace in one’s life is tough and deeper than what many people believe.  Some days are easier than others, although today feels like I could just curl up in a ball and pull the covers over my head. I know that I can’t hide. Facing my issues and duties is what everyone has to do. I’d just like to be on a beach while the ocean laps at my feet and I write my next story. Continue to press on, write, acknowledge how you feel and pray. God will provide a way.  Seek out counseling Therapists are helpful tools and can assist us in identifying what’s bothering us and why.  Continue to move forward…I am.

 

It’s just too much


I awoke to another black man being killed for being a threat and then later finding out it’s a mistake. When is it ever going to be enough? Waves of anger, sadness, frustration and disbelief wash over me. I want to scream and cry. Police officers scare me although I know many officers. I worry for my husband and sons when they leave home.
My oldest is only eight, however he’s always mistaken for looking older than he is and I worry will someone hurt him because of that. My youngest is 4 and still has tantrums like the Hulk-I wonder will that get him killed. My husband who is a big, black guy and would literally give you the shirt off of his back I wonder if someone will mistake him for someone else and kill him.
These thoughts plague my mind and cause constant worry. Going to the store to pick up butter almost cost my husband his life a couple of years ago because he walked outside of the grocery store and saw a kid being shot two vehicles away from ours for an attempted carjacking. I worry about my male friends who are like brothers to me. I don’t want to attend any funerals for something like that. It’s just too much!
My girlfriends who have husbands and sons I worry for them and we worry for each other. We pray and talk about what we should be doing to protect ourselves, but unfortunately what can you do when the color of your skin makes you a target?
The answer for me is I don’t know. I’m tired, frustrated and angry. Every day it’s another shooting and although I support police officers why can’t they support us? Again I don’t know the answer to this question.
I pray each day over my children and my husband. I don’t know when this will stop, but I do know that people are angry and that anger never solved anything. It only hurts those that you love along with yourself.

Kimberly Batchelor Davis Mission Statement


Mission Statement

To create content that empowers, empathizes and embraces the struggles of women, writers and motherhood while fostering an environment that can celebrate, inspire and provide a safe place to discuss those issues that concern women, writers and mothers.

The Perfect Mama


Miles and Aiden are my absolute joy and my struggle. Each day is a challenge. As a professional I pride myself on being able to master many tasks, but dare I say Parenthood is not one of them.
Recently, I went back to therapy and asked the Dr. “Is there something wrong with me?”
He replied, “No all mothers go through anxiety, confusion and struggle to adjust.”
After spending a quiet holiday with my immediate family and my brother I realized my wounds from childhood have reopened. The motto “Children should be seen and not heard” was my parent’s battle cry.
My brother confirmed to me what I always believed that it was better to be silent and suffer than speak up and face retribution. I have been so afraid of messing my children up for fear of making a mistake that I’ve neglected to just be their parent.
A friend of mine said, “Kim, you’re the perfect mama to Miles and Aiden, in their eyes, but in reality you’ll make mistakes, however they’ll never know because you’re all they have. And it’s okay just remember that you’re not alone.
Barbara doesn’t realize how much I needed to hear that. As mothers we have to stop comparing ourselves, criticizing ourselves and allow us to just be human. Because that’s all that we are. We’re just fallible, flawed people who have an incredibly important job in trying to raise, teach and prepare another human to be an adult and responsible citizen.
It’s already so difficult with all the judgements and critiques from society. Although at the end of the day you have to be proud of yourself and what you’ve accomplished as a parent.
I’ll be the first to say I have no clue as to what I’m doing, but I’m managing as best as I can. My children love me and respect me. My husband praises me on my performance. I just have to believe in myself and remember that my wounds are in the past and they can no longer hurt me. I must not give them power and from that use the knowledge of what not to do and turn it into positive behavior to help push my children forward. I’m a Mom not a TV superhero. My children believe that I’m a superhero sometimes and that’s okay, but I am learning my limitations and its all good. I don’t want to be a perfect mama. I just want to be me, flawed, happy and at peace with it all.

2014-04-14 16.43.45

Breast Feeding and the Hormones are really the cause


A year and a half has passed and I can finally say that I’m really understanding what sent me over the edge with my depression. I have attached an article that discusses the link between breastfeeding and depression.

I breast-fed both of my sons and they are thriving. Thank God, I’m so thankful for that, but I do think that the issue of exhaustion, lack of family support and financial strain caused many of my triggers, which led to my depression. I feel like I’ve lived inside a tornado of spiraling and whirling that’s completely mixed up my life. It seems as if I’ve had more than my fair share of trouble, heartbreak, disappointment and sadness.

Finally, as Dr. Phil would say “Get Real” with your life. The things and people who I’ve been chasing I’m trying to let go because it’s just not worth it anymore. I’m turning my focus back to God and my family.

I don’t know how my current situation is going to play out, but I do pray that God works things out for me because I’m exhausted and truly understand that I don’t control anything.

I have to remember that I’m responsible for me and that’s it. My psyche has definitely taken a hit. I struggle to make decisions, move forward or even pursue a dream because I feel so stuck.

That’s what led me to where I am today. The feeling of being stuck in the mud. How could I possibly take care of another child when I don’t have anyone in my family willing to help me or even offer advice. How am I supposed to be a help mate to my husband when I haven’t even been able to contribute monetarily to our household. These are questions that plagued me before I had my second son. I thought that God had abandoned me because clearly my family has, but that’s another story. Abandon may be too strong of a word, but they’re not there and that is the bottom line.

I should be angry and hateful, but really I just want to move on with my life and do what God has shown me. He has shown me twice that I’m a writer and quite successful at it in the future. I just wish that could come now instead of later.

Not having family support increased my exhaustion levels, a dearth of financial resources sent my nerves over the edge with constant worry and my own everyday worries tipped my mental ship. Rage, fury and anger occupied my body while Aiden developed. The blessing is that he’s healthy because of it. No one really understands how much I didn’t want another child, but as always God knows what’s best.

Through my current situation I realize that the family that I so longed for is right in front of me. I have the power to shape it and be the example that I’ve always looked for. Having children is truly a blessing, but it’s also the hardest job that any parent will ever take on.I had no idea on the level of commitment that would be needed.

Mothers and Fathers have to be valued, loved and supported because they are caring for someone who will grow up and become a part of our society. Too many times I hear the negative comments deriding parents about their kids noise levels or a mother’s decision to work or not. It’s a shame because at the end of the day every person at some point in time had a parent, whether you want to admit it or not.

Treat parents nicely because one day you may end up becoming one and needing a helping hand. Trust me when no one’s there that’s a very lonely feeling.I don’t wish that on anyone. If you are a parent and struggling know that there is help available. You may have to search for it, but someone is going through the same thing that you are. Have hope and faith that things will work out.

http://www.postpartumprogress.com/postpartum-depression-and-breastfeeding-challenges-the-connection

A Mother’s Expectations


The expectations of a wife and mother are a huge responsibility. So much is placed on the shoulders of women. Taking care of a home, caring for children, pleasing your husband are just a few of the many duties that most wives and mothers tackle. If you attend church, mosque or a temple there are responsibilities for women as well. If you work outside of the home or volunteer there are expectations, also. So many expectations what is a woman to do?

I’m not sure, but I do know that public perceptions can be very helpful or can become a hinderance to a woman in this role. Lately, I have been reading lots of articles on the state of Mothers, Wives and Marriage. A lot of people have a lot to say on the subject. Everyone seems to be in agreement that many mothers put this immense amount of pressure on themselves to be perfect. I used to believe that I didn’t, but now I feel like I’m in a competition with so many others.

The looks from others when one of my children makes a tantrum, cries for attention or says something flippant and I feel the stinging glares from people. My husband says that I’m imagining things, but I really do feel like people are judging me. Most days I struggle to get where I’m going on time and I feel like all I do is rush around all day and accomplish nothing. For me this makes me feel like a complete and utter failure because I never finish anything or I am always rushing at the last-minute to complete something. (this isn’t me-I like to plan everything out.)

My expectation of what I thought that my life would be like is so far off its not even funny. I’m not where I want to be career wise, my husband and I have both changed and my children leave me in a state of feeling confused all the time. I understand now when people say kids change your relationship. They test it, break it , but hopefully your strong enough to put it back together. Honestly I can’t say that I am. My husband and I are in a strange place. It’s like we’re on autopilot just going through the motions. At least that’s how I feel.

Which is how I feel with everything else going on in my life. My three problems -1. Exhaustion 2. Disconnected from myself 3. Depression make the rest of my life feel like a silent movie reel running and I’m just standing there watching it unfold. I have trouble making decisions and then sticking with the ones that I do make, which brings me to the crux of my issues. I really feel like I’m filled with regret and becoming bitter and more bitter with each passing day. An unplanned pregnancy through for a loop even though I’m married and stable.

I’m working on a book project for a young man and his auto-biography is filled with tales of abuse as a child, neglect by a parent and an unfit home. I thought that if anything could pull me from the depths of baby blues and depression this should be it. As I weave the words to his story I feel terrible for feeling the way that I feel, I should be grateful that my children are healthy and happy and that I have a great husband, but then I remember my feelings are valid and not the result of drug use or abuse. It’s okay to feel sad, but that I have to stop wallowing in my guilt, anger and fear. My biggest issue is not having control. No control over my finances, which is in direct relation to my current disappointment with my career and disappointment in where my life is right now. Should I have gone to law school–become an attorney and been miserable like everyone else, but at least I wouldn’t worry about money. I always believed that there is more to life than money. That’s where my problem lies. I don’t know about you, but I need my happy back.

I’m not really sure where, how or when I will get it back, but believe me I’m going to get it back. As I write these words I’m pushing myself toward a space of acceptance, peace and happiness in decisions, my life and career. It’s so hard with so many things being thrown at you at one time –all the while you’re supposed to look good and still be able to do the things that you did before you had kids. I find myself not being able to groom myself the same. Ponytails and lip gloss are my go to’s. Whereas mascara, eyeliner, eyeshadow and lipstick were my go to’s. Heels have lost out to flats or gym shoes and nail polish is just non-existent.

That’s the disconnect–I don’t feel like myself. I second and triple guess everything never sure of anything. My big project that I’m working on is suffering because I have trouble making decisions and then after one is made and it doesn’t work I leave feeling regretful. This pushes me further into my depression.

I told my client something has to go right so that I can feel good about this project. He keeps telling me that I’m doing fine, but as I told my girlfriend I’d fire myself if I could, but alas I can’t and probably shouldn’t that might send me over the edge for real.

I just feel like I’m coasting not really sure of what I’m doing, but everybody tells me I’m doing a good job. I guess at the end of the day I have to feel good about being a wife,mother and Kim. Right now that’s not happening, but I’m hoping to get back to a good place. With prayer, therapy and possibly some alone time slowly I will get my happy back. If you’re struggling–find some time for yourself because no one’s going to treat you any better than you will treat yourself.

Happy New Year 2013


Out with the old and in with the new is a favorite New Year’s saying. This year I’m taking this message to heart. My priorities have to change. For far too long have I relegated myself to the background, while others accomplished their dreams and desires. This year I will self-publish a short story on-line and publish a graphic novel, also on-line.

Lots of good things are happening right now and it feels good to be positive and uplifted about the future. Last year at this time I feigned the feeling of positivity, but really didn’t practice it. This year will be different.

I have a blog with actual followers. So now I must write to keep my readers engaged and encouraged. Every person that is reading this should start their writing career if they are contemplating it or finish a writing project that may have stalled. The worst thing that can ever happen to a writer is to have regret.

For eleven years I have been waiting, wanting and writing. My prayers seemed to go unheard, but I know that things are in preparation for my success. Instead of being focused on the outcome I’ll set smaller goals and accomplish those. When 2013 comes to an end I won’t feel like a failure. I’m tired of being frustrated and trying to force something that obviously takes a lot of time. So I challenge each one of you to make a list and check it off and achieve your goals. Life is too short with too many unforeseen events. I’ve seen this happen too much in the last couple of years. Illness, deaths and births change your outlook on life and your priorities.

My children are truly a blessing to me and so is my husband, but how can I tell them to go out and fight for their dreams if I don’t fight for mine. The challenge for 2013 is to to keep my faith, family and writing in high priority. Prayerfully, I have been given a gift to write and I must honor that if only for my sake. My wish for everyone is that your stories will have depth, character and intrigue. May you also be able to write easily and steadily. Happy writing and I’ll see you in 2013.