I’m Stronger than Depression

I suffer from depression, yet I’m stronger than my condition. Depression is a mental condition, It is defined as an unending sadness, depressed mood, or a loss of interest in activities that once were pleasurable, which includes problems with sleep. Since the birth of my second son, I have struggled with depression, although it began as postpartum depression. Depression is an insidious condition that infects everything that it touches. It forces the affected person to withdraw and that is depression’s greatest weapon: loneliness.

Loneliness, withdrawal and avoidance are common hallmarks that indicate there may be a problem in someone’s life. For me personally, it was easy to disappear into the woodwork because I had children and would often use them as an excuse to not do something. Afterwards, I’d be angry with myself yet, there was this constant loop of negative criticism in my brain. The little voice in my head belittled everything I did or wanted to do. I would never measure up. I’m not good enough. No one loves me. My life is a waste. My kids are better off without me. If you have ever heard these sayings in your head or said them to yourself don’t fret you’re not alone. 6.7% of adults aged 18 and older wlll experience some form of depression and 40 million people will be diagnosed with depression in the United States according to the National Institutes of Mental Health.

Depression is difficult, however it can be defeated with therapy, medication, and other tools that can enhance your life. Personally for me, exercise, prayer and support from family and friends helped me to get through my diagnosis. Initially, I was diagnosed with high functioning anxiety. My anxiety pushed me to overthink which fueled my depression and the negative Nancy that lived rent-free in my head.

My therapist posed a question to me, He said, “What do you do for yourself?” After I cried for forty-five minutes to him about how I was a terrible person and a horrible mother he insisted that I was exhausted. I was tired beyond anything that I had ever reasonably known, yet, I was unable to provide an answer to his question, I no longer remembered or knew what I enjoyed doing because I had become used to doing everything that my kids and husband wanted to do. I had lost myself to the job of wife and mother.

My therapist suggested that I go for a walk each day for twenty minutes to get a breather away from my children. That daily twenty minute walk turned into a five mile walk that became my salvation. Whatever happened earlier in the day, the stress, the tantrums, whatever it was, I was able to pound it out on the pavement underneath the steps of my feet. Later, Covid-19 reared its ugly diseased head. Boom. We were instructed to shelter safely at home and the pandemic became a global concern. Different states launched varying initiatives to fight the virus. People argued over whether wearing a mask was the right thing to do. Between the political vitriol and the Covid confusion, I hunkered down at home with my family. At first, it was great then as time went on, the loneliness set in and just like that depression popped up. “Like I’m back.”

I remembered thinking I read my bible, I pray, I walk and am eating better, yet there was an uncertainty that frightened me. I was afraid of never being able to see people or go places like I used to. I’d watch people share places on social media that they had been and how they desperately wanted to get back there. Saddened, I often wondered will I ever be able to see these places or is this it? Theoretically, I knew the world would open again, however realistically it didn’t seem possible. Holidays and weekends passed by without family and friends to visit. It was difficult because I love to be surrounded by people. Although, there are times that I cherish my alone time the extended lockdown was having a toll on me, I started emotionally eating again and gained more weight while I stopped walking. I knew it was my anxiety in regards to the pandemic turning itself into depression, but instead of denying it, I announced it. “It’s back,” I said. “I’ve got to work hard or I’ll tumble right down the rabbit hole into the abyss of darkness.

If you struggled in the past or are struggling now, know that there is hope after depression. This is a difficult season indeed, however this is not the time to give up or give in. Many times the thoughts in our brains are buried deep inside of our ourselves. These beliefs are often a belie to the truth thet exists within us, yet we ignore the truth and believe the lie. I’ve learned that many times we tell ourselves falsehoods to protect ourselves from pain. It is easy to create a buffer to protect oneself from feeling whatever we don’t want to feel, however when we don’t, we set up false beliefs within ourselves.

To live at our highest and healthiest self we must identify the lies within us and replace them with the truth. Often we become enslaved to the bitter trauma that we’ve experienced and never gotten past. Today take a moment and shut the negative loop down in your brain. Life is hard, yet life is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured. Check with your local community health department for therapy and counseling options. Psychologists and licensed professional counselors are excellent options for talk therapy. They can work with you to plan a course of action to set you on a path to healing. Medication if needed can aid in your recovery. Exercise and better nutrition choices helped me to come out of the darkness. Prayer did, too. Studying the word and reconnecting with God through prayer helped me, also.

Reframing and capturing a negative thought is important. Try not to dwell on a bad thought. When we focus on the negative we are often trapped in a cycle of thought multiplication. Meaning one negative thought leads to another gloomy thought and then another one. The next thing you know you’re trapped in a vicious cycle of pessimistic thoughts. The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 10:5 “Capture every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” Take it from me, I’ve learned that when I allow Defeatist Daphne to take my negative thoughts and play them back to back and jumble them up, I’ll be plunged into sadness which can lead to depression. Yet when I replace the defeatist thoughts with the truth, hope and joy fills my being.

For those that struggle with depression, hope and joy can seem so far away. Although when we focus our thoughts we can experience the peace that we seek. God our father in heaven instructs us to focus on things above and not below. Fix your minds on him and his blessings in your life. You are stronger than depression. Stop believing the lies of the enemy. Reframe, capture and replace your thoughts from negative into positive ones. If you need talk therapy, seek it out and get help. There is hope and you are stronger than depression.

Travel is Freedom and my Peace

Travel is freedom and in travel, I find peace, which is important for my mental health. I struggle with depression and often the pressures of life push me to the edge. Ever since I was a kid travel often brought relief to whatever stress I was feeling. Flying and sitting on a beach were everything to me. The gentle hum and crash of the waves against a beach brought peace and contentment to my soul. There was no better salve for my mental health than listening to the sounds of ocean.

Each beach I’ve visited has a unique vibration which I likened to a melody in a song. The Virgin Islands are vastly different than the beaches of Hawaii. Even Mexico’s beaches has its own rhythm. I am excited to test my theory when I have the opportunity to visit the motherland in Africa. I’m certain that there is a unique pulse to the beaches in Europe just as in the diversity of ethnicities and nations.

My second favorite part of travel is the opportunity to discover a new culture and learn something new. Just like beaches, people have a unique beat to them. I’m always amazed at what I can learn from a simple conversation. Each place that I’ve visited left me with wonderful memories and lessons. I’d never understand the relaxed nature of Hawaiians unless I visited, nor the incredible work ethic of Jamaicans. Although it became a punch line there is a real and valid reason for why Jamaicans work so hard. Hawaiians have very similar work ethics because it is very expensive to live in Hawaii.

Travel expanded my view of the world. Recently, I’ve followed Jessica Nabongo on social media. She’s the first Black women to travel to every country in the world. What an amazing feat. It’s been a dream of mine to do the exact same thing, yet life has not always cooperated with my vision for my life. Work, children, a spouse and family responsibilities make travel tricky and planning cumbersome. Although, I chose these things, there are days when I daydream of a life living abroad. For now, I’ll experience my thrill of travel vicariously through her experiences and adventures.

That dream is far off because my kids are still young, however it’s not out of the realm of reality. If the pandemic has taught me anything it should be that circumstances can change in an instant. What was once certain can become a ball of confusion. I’m only limited to what my mind can conceive and I have a very fertile imagination. Travel is still a part of my plan. Whatever you are passionate about follow that. Whatever brings you peace seek that. Whatever gives you fulfillment find it and execute it well. Life is too short to live on the sidelines and have regrets. My passion is travel. What’s yours?

From Feeling Disconnected to Peace of Purpose

Feeling disconnected?  Check. Feeling Overwhelmed? Check. Feeling anxious? Check. Feeling Hopeless?  Check. We’re approaching week four of the pandemic and a lot of people that I talk to are feeling one or more of the above ways. The uncertainty is palpable and the unknown is just that, it is unknown. No one knows when “normal” will resume or if it ever can.

Danger lurks around every populated corner. The mere thought of being around people brings on anxiety and fear. The battle with Covid-19 reminds me of the tragic Greek figure, Sisyphus. He was forced to push a stone up a hill only to have it descend as he got close to the top. That’s the battle with not only the pandemic, but it’s also the challenge of remote learning, managing day to day stress and household activities and tasks along with work while staying connected to loved ones. We’re always trying to get to the top, but never quite making. It feels as if we make progress, yet we have to start all over again.

It’s a lot to deal with and even amidst all that is going on or not going on, there is still peace to be found in all of it. What is peace? Is it when everything is going well or all of your boxes line up? No, peace is something that happens on the inside of us. It’s the calm in our spirit even when the kids are going bonkers in the house or the work projects keep multiplying, and even when the number of who has died continues to increase. Peace is stillness and calm within us, “And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Phillippians 4:7

The world tells us that we need to be plugged in and connected all the time, which takes us away from the things that truly matter, God, family, friends, and using our talents, skills, and gifts for the betterment of others. Right now, we have the opportunity to slow down and reconnect. I have a friend who is a hairstylist and also she is trained in fashion design. Mia can sew anything and she took that skill and turned it into a new business, making masks. Now because of Covid-19 and the Governor urging people to wear masks now hers are in high demand. Another community organizer that I know is organizing people online and using technology to effectively engage and reach people.  Zoom calls have become the new way to meet and communicate. It’s also become a great way to create online social media content.

Now the new concern is that there are no breaks or separation from work. We’re always connected. This is how the world operates. We’re pushed from one thing to another. We have to be intentional in silencing the noise and being mindful. This is the opportunity where we just stop and be quiet for a moment, even if it’s only for sixty seconds. It’s a moment to stop and reassess what is happening and adjust ourselves.  Don’t get caught up in the wave of apprehension with what is happening with the pandemic. Focus on the moment, connect with God and open your bible. Listen to what God is trying to tell us and settle into his peace of purpose.

Gratitude in Times of Trouble, The Kim B. Davis Show, Episode 1. part 1 (Transcription)

The Kim B. Davis Show

Gratitude in Times of Trouble

A Talk with A.M. May & Associates, Inc.

Part One

KBD:  Welcome to the Kim B. Davis Show! We are talking today with Dr. Angela Celeste May and Michelle May of A.M. May & Associates, a coaching and consulting organization offering customized transformative growth strategies for individuals and organizations. Angela and Michelle are sisters who are both also professional musicians with their own bands.

How are you both today?

MM:  Fantastic. Thanks for having me.

ACM:  Really happy to be here today.

KBD:  Great! We are in the midst of a crisis and I wanted to talk about some of the things that you guys talk about, which is not falling prey to anxiety and depression. Can you give a definition on anxiety and depression and talk about how do we turn negativity into positivity? Many people are feeling depressed, anxious and apprehensive and they’re making bad decisions. I want to talk about hope. Even though we are in quarantine, we are safe at home. We have all the things that make us comfortable. But the one thing we don’t have is human touch. Many of us miss our friends and family but we can touch them with electronic devices, cell phones, but how do we take care of ourselves?

ACM:  I’ll jump in and start. I’m a clinical organizational and forensic psychologist with a Ph.D. in Clinical Organizational Psychology. So, I deal with behavior from a lot of different perspectives. My own definition. I would say depression is more than feeling a little down sometimes, it’s when tangible sadness tends to follow you no matter what you do. It can be a little bit or become a lot of sadness. So that’s a quick simple way to think of depression, a pervasive “down-ness” no matter what you do. And the anxiety can feel like nervousness, even when you don’t have a specific reason. You’re in your home and feel a nervousness and you quite can’t figure out why. I would say one of the first important things to do is try to practice thankfulness. I do find that depression in particular, a lot of the time it grows because of our self-talk. And in this particular time of the pandemic, a lot of the anxiety is because we feel like we don’t have control. I would say the first place to start is “What can I do to take back feelings of powerless?” and find positive things you can do, and just like you said, Kim, say, “I’m safe, I have a home, etc.” As our grandma used to say, “You can’t be depressed and thankful at the same time.” [laughs]

MM:  Amen! Amen! So I’ll jump in here, too. What I would say is, the sense of control is definitely what I find in depression and nervousness. There’s something there intangible you can’t see that’s making you feel this way. One of the things I talk to my clients about and my students that helps is that you’re not completely out of control. There are many things right in your purview that you can control. Many times—and I was actually experiencing  this a couple of days ago—I was talking to Angie when all of a sudden I started to feel a little bit like I couldn’t breathe. She said, “Sometimes when you’re excited, it mimics anxiety.” We talked about meditation, stopping for a minute, sitting down and just putting your mind and mindfulness on that breathing. Sometimes you just need to stop and just do that. There is a popular method, the 54321 method and how it works is that you look at things, you can see things, you can feel things. Ask the person having anxiety: “What are 5 things that you can see and stop for a minute. Then, “Name 4 things that you can touch, 3 things you can hear right now, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.” Gratefulness…Angie and I always talk about that. You can feel those things and it helps to quell that in the moment.

KBD:  Those are some great tips. So, we’re all quarantined in our homes, you have married couples. What do you advise people to do if someone in your home is feeling anxious? Access to control and not being able to go places?

ACM:  There are things that family members can do for each other before even reaching out for help. You know how we say don’t overexplain when talking to kids? You know how we create a whole book about how we’re going to explain things to Junior and all Junior wanted to know was something simple right quick? [laughs] I think that we should do the same with each other as adults. First, just ask. Give them room to talk about what may be bothering them. Is it about being quarantined together or some aspect of that, or maybe it has nothing to do with that. Ask and listen. That might be healing, just knowing that someone is listening. It’s loving, it’s supportive. We’ve all experienced this. I’m sure you have as well. You know how it is when you start to talk? You may get a little insight just from having room to talk. That’s what I think of as a first step.

MM:  I would definitely agree with that. Just be reassuring and not judgmental. There’s going to be a lot of stress an depression and anxiety within the household because we are not in our routines. Especially with our young ones, they’re used to certain things at certain times. You’re falling into your own routines and how you handle stress. You want to just have them sit down and be quiet, but that‘s not always going to happen with kids. Allow space for feelings to happen. As Angie said, an act of reassurance. Also, don’t feel like you have to fix everything right away. Just allow them to “be” for a minute, for anybody in the family to just say, “Yes, you’re right, you should be upset.”

ACM:  Michelle makes a good point. The judging part is easy to do. Some may handle this differently. Some may find this difficult, some may let it roll off their back and say, “Okay, we’ll just make adjustments.” So it can be easy sometimes for loved ones to look at the person who is more stressed about the situation to say, “What’s wrong with you?” So we want to give room for everyone to handle things a little differently based on everyone’s experiences.

KBD:  Absolutely. Those are some great points. And speaking as a mother, the whole needing quiet, oh my goodness! We have two dogs and I’m like [yells and laughter]. So some of the things you traditionally do, like go to the bathroom, everybody needs that space. Can you talk a little about what you suggest? I know you mentioned mindfulness. When people hear that, it feels like too much when you tell them to meditate or be mindful, they feel like it’s too much.

MM:  I try as much as possible to normalize whatever someone does. In other words, “You meditate, that’s fine.” It’s not some formal thing where you need yoga pants or a singing bowl.

At this point I’m going to also address how we’re all kind of being caregivers on steroids right now. Self-care is very important. You need your own boundaries. You have to tell everyone in the family I’m going to bed. The house is on fire, you don’t talk for a while. It’s important that no matter what—”I will spend a minute with my Bible or my music” or whatever that may be. The other thing too is there may be people who live in a small apartment. You can go out with social distancing, the park…spaces you can make. These are conversations, something the quarantine I think has helped—family conversations. So that’s one big thing, setting up routines.

ACM:  I totally agree. I was going to say it in terms of it’s kind of like going to a new job. The routine is different, like Michelle said. Don’t just expect that because we’re family we’re going to fall magically into this. It’s like with a new school, that took planning and discussion like, “Who’s going to take Junior?” so Michelle is absolutely right. For everyone in the house, as a family together, what do we need to do now for the next few weeks, what’s this going to look like? Also, in terms of getting outside, that’s so important anyway. And what that brings to mind for me is, some of these things we’re being challenged with—it is an odd situation obviously—are some of these conversations we were needing to have anyway.  We’re kind of meeting each other and can’t escape [laughs]. That’s a way of looking at this as another opportunity. We’re safe at home, these are opportunities to bring us that much closer. A better understanding of how each of us works, what we need and this can actually strengthen those bonds as a result.

KBD:  Those are things that mothers, fathers, grandmas, whoever it is taking care of kids and each other, that’s we absolutely need. Before we go on break, I want a tip that you use yourself. When that negative thought or that self-thought hits you, because we all have them and we sometimes struggle with it. What is a tip that you can share?

MM:  Well for me because I’m a Christian, I immediately stop and say, you know, this panicked feeling is not from “that”— it’s from some distorted thing you think about yourself, and that really kind of brings me back. It definitely does because there’s been so many blessings in our family and our life. My grandma taught us too is that When you start feeling sorry for yourself, start praying for somebody else. Really for me, it’s just stopping and realizing it’s not real. It’s not real. it’s just something to get me off my square. I even see that as a blessing, to turn a negative into a positive. It causes me to practice what I preach in terms of practicing my own self-care. If I’m teaching my clients and my students how to handle those moments, I have to do that with myself also. I’m home, I’ve got things to look forward to, I have a loving family, goals, that really shuts it all pretty much down. And I have Angie, she gets me straight [laughs], “What is wrong with you? You have no reason…” It works, it definitely works.

ACM:  It was modeled for us, you know, our family. My mom, my great-aunt, my dad, they were always about you blessing your own by blessing somebody else. So they were about seeing about somebody else and how that really shows you how blessed you are. I know for myself, I work a lot from home. It’s not quite so unusual for me as I know it is for many people who are used to leaving the home. Some parts of this might make people feel like, “When is this going to be over?” When that thought comes, there are two things I’d do. The first thing is: Don’t spend time with it. The ruminating, the dwelling, I think is a slippery slope. The second step is to go right to those things Michelle said. The blessings, the positives, and think of doing something that you enjoy doing. Go outside and take a walk, or watch that show. Just go right to something that you enjoy doing.

KBD:  Absolutely! Thank you both so very much for your helpful tips! And thank you all for listening. Always remember to Be Magnificent!

© 2020 The Batchelor Davis Group

Gratitude in Times of Trouble, The Kim B. Davis Show, Episode 1. part 1 (Transcription)

The Kim B. Davis Show

Gratitude in Times of Trouble

A Talk with A.M. May & Associates, Inc.

Part One

KBD:  Welcome to the Kim B. Davis Show! We are talking today with Dr. Angela Celeste May and Michelle May of A.M. May & Associates, a coaching and consulting organization offering customized transformative growth strategies for individuals and organizations. Angela and Michelle are sisters who are both also professional musicians with their own bands.

How are you both today?

MM:  Fantastic. Thanks for having me.

ACM:  Really happy to be here today.

KBD:  Great! We are in the midst of a crisis and I wanted to talk about some of the things that you guys talk about, which is not falling prey to anxiety and depression. Can you give a definition on anxiety and depression and talk about how do we turn negativity into positivity? Many people are feeling depressed, anxious and apprehensive and they’re making bad decisions. I want to talk about hope. Even though we are in quarantine, we are safe at home. We have all the things that make us comfortable. But the one thing we don’t have is human touch. Many of us miss our friends and family but we can touch them with electronic devices, cell phones, but how do we take care of ourselves?

ACM:  I’ll jump in and start. I’m a clinical organizational and forensic psychologist with a Ph.D. in Clinical Organizational Psychology. So, I deal with behavior from a lot of different perspectives. My own definition. I would say depression is more than feeling a little down sometimes, it’s when tangible sadness tends to follow you no matter what you do. It can be a little bit or become a lot of sadness. So that’s a quick simple way to think of depression, a pervasive “down-ness” no matter what you do. And the anxiety can feel like nervousness, even when you don’t have a specific reason. You’re in your home and feel a nervousness and you quite can’t figure out why. I would say one of the first important things to do is try to practice thankfulness. I do find that depression in particular, a lot of the time it grows because of our self-talk. And in this particular time of the pandemic, a lot of the anxiety is because we feel like we don’t have control. I would say the first place to start is “What can I do to take back feelings of powerless?” and find positive things you can do, and just like you said, Kim, say, “I’m safe, I have a home, etc.” As our grandma used to say, “You can’t be depressed and thankful at the same time.” [laughs]

MM:  Amen! Amen! So I’ll jump in here, too. What I would say is, the sense of control is definitely what I find in depression and nervousness. There’s something there intangible you can’t see that’s making you feel this way. One of the things I talk to my clients about and my students that helps is that you’re not completely out of control. There are many things right in your purview that you can control. Many times—and I was actually experiencing  this a couple of days ago—I was talking to Angie when all of a sudden I started to feel a little bit like I couldn’t breathe. She said, “Sometimes when you’re excited, it mimics anxiety.” We talked about meditation, stopping for a minute, sitting down and just putting your mind and mindfulness on that breathing. Sometimes you just need to stop and just do that. There is a popular method, the 54321 method and how it works is that you look at things, you can see things, you can feel things. Ask the person having anxiety: “What are 5 things that you can see and stop for a minute. Then, “Name 4 things that you can touch, 3 things you can hear right now, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.” Gratefulness…Angie and I always talk about that. You can feel those things and it helps to quell that in the moment.

KBD:  Those are some great tips. So, we’re all quarantined in our homes, you have married couples. What do you advise people to do if someone in your home is feeling anxious? Access to control and not being able to go places?

ACM:  There are things that family members can do for each other before even reaching out for help. You know how we say don’t overexplain when talking to kids? You know how we create a whole book about how we’re going to explain things to Junior and all Junior wanted to know was something simple right quick? [laughs] I think that we should do the same with each other as adults. First, just ask. Give them room to talk about what may be bothering them. Is it about being quarantined together or some aspect of that, or maybe it has nothing to do with that. Ask and listen. That might be healing, just knowing that someone is listening. It’s loving, it’s supportive. We’ve all experienced this. I’m sure you have as well. You know how it is when you start to talk? You may get a little insight just from having room to talk. That’s what I think of as a first step.

MM:  I would definitely agree with that. Just be reassuring and not judgmental. There’s going to be a lot of stress an depression and anxiety within the household because we are not in our routines. Especially with our young ones, they’re used to certain things at certain times. You’re falling into your own routines and how you handle stress. You want to just have them sit down and be quiet, but that‘s not always going to happen with kids. Allow space for feelings to happen. As Angie said, an act of reassurance. Also, don’t feel like you have to fix everything right away. Just allow them to “be” for a minute, for anybody in the family to just say, “Yes, you’re right, you should be upset.”

ACM:  Michelle makes a good point. The judging part is easy to do. Some may handle this differently. Some may find this difficult, some may let it roll off their back and say, “Okay, we’ll just make adjustments.” So it can be easy sometimes for loved ones to look at the person who is more stressed about the situation to say, “What’s wrong with you?” So we want to give room for everyone to handle things a little differently based on everyone’s experiences.

KBD:  Absolutely. Those are some great points. And speaking as a mother, the whole needing quiet, oh my goodness! We have two dogs and I’m like [yells and laughter]. So some of the things you traditionally do, like go to the bathroom, everybody needs that space. Can you talk a little about what you suggest? I know you mentioned mindfulness. When people hear that, it feels like too much when you tell them to meditate or be mindful, they feel like it’s too much.

MM:  I try as much as possible to normalize whatever someone does. In other words, “You meditate, that’s fine.” It’s not some formal thing where you need yoga pants or a singing bowl.

At this point I’m going to also address how we’re all kind of being caregivers on steroids right now. Self-care is very important. You need your own boundaries. You have to tell everyone in the family I’m going to bed. The house is on fire, you don’t talk for a while. It’s important that no matter what—”I will spend a minute with my Bible or my music” or whatever that may be. The other thing too is there may be people who live in a small apartment. You can go out with social distancing, the park…spaces you can make. These are conversations, something the quarantine I think has helped—family conversations. So that’s one big thing, setting up routines.

ACM:  I totally agree. I was going to say it in terms of it’s kind of like going to a new job. The routine is different, like Michelle said. Don’t just expect that because we’re family we’re going to fall magically into this. It’s like with a new school, that took planning and discussion like, “Who’s going to take Junior?” so Michelle is absolutely right. For everyone in the house, as a family together, what do we need to do now for the next few weeks, what’s this going to look like? Also, in terms of getting outside, that’s so important anyway. And what that brings to mind for me is, some of these things we’re being challenged with—it is an odd situation obviously—are some of these conversations we were needing to have anyway.  We’re kind of meeting each other and can’t escape [laughs]. That’s a way of looking at this as another opportunity. We’re safe at home, these are opportunities to bring us that much closer. A better understanding of how each of us works, what we need and this can actually strengthen those bonds as a result.

KBD:  Those are things that mothers, fathers, grandmas, whoever it is taking care of kids and each other, that’s we absolutely need. Before we go on break, I want a tip that you use yourself. When that negative thought or that self-thought hits you, because we all have them and we sometimes struggle with it. What is a tip that you can share?

MM:  Well for me because I’m a Christian, I immediately stop and say, you know, this panicked feeling is not from “that”— it’s from some distorted thing you think about yourself, and that really kind of brings me back. It definitely does because there’s been so many blessings in our family and our life. My grandma taught us too is that When you start feeling sorry for yourself, start praying for somebody else. Really for me, it’s just stopping and realizing it’s not real. It’s not real. it’s just something to get me off my square. I even see that as a blessing, to turn a negative into a positive. It causes me to practice what I preach in terms of practicing my own self-care. If I’m teaching my clients and my students how to handle those moments, I have to do that with myself also. I’m home, I’ve got things to look forward to, I have a loving family, goals, that really shuts it all pretty much down. And I have Angie, she gets me straight [laughs], “What is wrong with you? You have no reason…” It works, it definitely works.

ACM:  It was modeled for us, you know, our family. My mom, my great-aunt, my dad, they were always about you blessing your own by blessing somebody else. So they were about seeing about somebody else and how that really shows you how blessed you are. I know for myself, I work a lot from home. It’s not quite so unusual for me as I know it is for many people who are used to leaving the home. Some parts of this might make people feel like, “When is this going to be over?” When that thought comes, there are two things I’d do. The first thing is: Don’t spend time with it. The ruminating, the dwelling, I think is a slippery slope. The second step is to go right to those things Michelle said. The blessings, the positives, and think of doing something that you enjoy doing. Go outside and take a walk, or watch that show. Just go right to something that you enjoy doing.

KBD:  Absolutely! Thank you both so very much for your helpful tips! And thank you all for listening. Always remember to Be Magnificent!

© 2020 The Batchelor Davis Group

Pandemic: Anxiety, Depression, and Purpose

We are officially in a pandemic and the world is gripped in fear, yet filled with positivity despite this tiny microcosm that has captivated all of us. Over a million cases of the virus have been reported from around the planet. In the United States, we are watching with trepidation as the numbers climb and although we are practicing social distancing and staying home, people are still coming down with the illness. The virus is difficult at best to treat because of age, underlying conditions, and the overall health status of individuals.

This has caused a great deal of anxiety and pushed people into depression. Although social distancing is what aids in lessening the ability for the virus to spread, it also harms us in reaching out to others. We’re unable to hug one another or have close contact, however with the aid of technology, we can video chat, stream movies together and have dance parties that can alleviate our feeling isolated. To fight through depression, we have to be creative in reaching out to others. Moreover, we have to be intentional in checking on others. Depression is an insidious condition, which makes people retreat inside themselves, twists their thoughts and takes people to a dark place. This new behavior is the exact opposite of what people need to be healthy and whole. Unfortunately, for people who have lost loved ones, funerals are a lonely prospect where one has to grieve alone. Besides, weddings, which are jubilant celebrations, are pared down to just immediate family, if appropriate and the happy couple; also births have become solo ventures as well because of the fear of the coronavirus.

Rules, regulations and general norms it is so much to remember it can overwhelm anyone; however, we have to remember that we are safe at home surrounded by all of our creature comforts. We are safe, we are loved, we are happy and God is still in control. Greater than everything is that we all are at peace; yes, there is fear and frustration over finances, dread over the spread of the virus, and alarm over what the future may hold because so much of it is unknown. It’s all understandable and real. However, I choose to remember Psalms 29:11 “The Lord will give strength to his people; The Lord will bless his people with peace.”

I know that my strength and peace comes from God, nowhere else. It can’t be found in material things, money or people. It’s found in God and keeping my focus on things above and not below, which means focusing on Godly principals, like doing good unto others, studying the word and using my skills and talents for God’s people. It is not to say that I can’t pursue my desires, they should be aligned with what God says. Money is not the big bad that everyone says, it is the pursuit of it at the cost of your fellow man that is. For me, my purpose is to build awareness around depression, mental health, and storytelling. Even amidst the pandemic my writing and communication skills allow me to still share hope about the battle with depression.

Psalms 16:11 “You will make known to me the path of life; In your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.” Indeed peace is found in God, when we remember what’s truly important, our faith, family and friends. May you continue to be safe and have good health.

Quarantine

Toys are strewn across the floor, socks on the couch, food paper, and empty plates dot the living room, yes, this is a new reality. Homework packets lay across the dining room table next to the books that are currently being assigned. I’m teaching decimals, addition, and subtraction along with compound words and testing comprehension. My events are canceled, however, I’m still working on books. I just released a new book last week. Many of the people that I work with are helping me to create new avenues to reach my readers and radio listeners. We are officially in quarantine. Our governor issued an executive order instructing citizens to stay home. It’s only been a week and it feels like it’s been a month.
Cabin fever is setting in. My kids are bouncing off the walls. They think they’re on vacation, yet, I keep telling them we’re in a crisis because of Covid-19. We’re struggling to get assignments done, and including logging on to their remote learning sites because everyone is at home and is using the internet. The battle of housework, preparing meals, and everything else we’re supposed to be doing and oh yeah, the disinfecting of our homes has become a back to back ordeal. It’s a lot to digest and a lot to remember. Don’t touch anything and then don’t touch your face. Now my face itches all the time whenever I go out. Always wash your hands. I was a hand-washer before, although now my diligence borders on Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Unfortunately, Covid-19 has demonstrated that it is nothing to play around with. One has to be intentional and careful in protecting ourselves.
A trick that has helped my family is removing our shoes when we come inside and washing our hands and face, which helps to protect all of us in the house. As my cousin reminded me, “Remember when you came home you immediately changed out of your school clothes or church clothes and into your play-clothes.” We got away from that and with Covid-19 running rampant we’re now practicing behaviors from days long gone to protect ourselves.
But back to the chaos of quarantine with my kids, all they want to do is eat so we made a store and they have to do chores to earn money so they can purchase snacks from the store. Seriously, they went through four boxes of cookies in like four days. It was ridiculous. I tried to rationalize with my children, however, these people don’t understand and they are not trying to either. They just want to eat and play all day long. I reminded them that they did not eat at school like that. My darling children just shrugged their shoulders. I’m at a loss.
Frustration has taken over. The drill sergeant has come out and demanded strict attention to detail on homework and all school projects including chores and retrieving socks from the couch. I’m trying to regain control of my home and surroundings, but quarantine has put a damper on that because, in reality, it’s uncontrollable. No one knows how long this will go on. Experts, politicians and other leaders try to provide direction and reassurance, although mostly it seems to create more angst than what was intended. So instead, I’ll take a deep breath and inhale and exhale three times to relax. Socks, dishes, and homework will just be here. It isn’t going anywhere. This is the new normal at least for a while.
I don’t know about you, but, I’m curious about what our new normal will look like when this is all over. Certainly, if there was an opportunity to rescind a year, 2020 would be it. I don’t think anyone who woke up on January 1, 2020, thought that they’d be facing a pandemic when they said, “This is going to be my year.” And what a year it has been so far.

Pandemic Fear…

Photo by Polina Tankilevitch on Pexels.com

Covid-19 is causing lots of people to act irrationally. The act of preparedness is at an all-time high. People are buying stacks of toilet paper, bleach, food, and ammunition. This situation is surreal. It feels like we’re in an apocalyptic movie or my husband’s favorite show, the Walking Dead, which, I am unable to watch because it gives me nightmares right now. Suffice it to say my anxiety is running high.

I’ve tried turning off the news and unplugging from social media, however, the need to be informed keeps drawing me back. As I write this, Love Struck Café’, which is a Hallmark movie that I like is currently playing. I’ve been very intentional in watching programming that uplifts me rather than brings me down. A constant diet of watching the news with its constant reporting of doom and gloom can be rather unsettling. A shutdown is inevitable yet, so many people it seems didn’t seem to think it was possible. Two weeks ago, I would’ve thought the same thing, however, once the schools closed, I knew it was inevitable. Unfortunately, in order to stop the virus from spreading, society has to distance itself from each other. For the extrovert in me, the idea is maddening.

The atmosphere of panic is intense and palpable. Grocery Stores and pharmacy shelves are bare. Restaurants, bars and other public places of entertainment and escape are closing including churches. What will we do for fun? How about read a book or catch up on all the Netflix programming. There are so many shows it’d probably take us a year to get caught up. How will we worship? How about cracking open our bibles and bible apps and spending time in quiet study of the word in the presence of God. Who are these people that I live with? Hey maybe that’s your family or your spouse, partner, etc., however, you may identify. Guess what! You are going to have to communicate. Interestingly, we’ll all have to have one on one conversations with the people closest to us. Honestly, I think that’s what scares people more than anything.

I’ll be frank the virus is scary, but, what scares me more than anything is the people that will panic and act out violently. Also, if I’m brutally candid the sheer amount of callous, greed, and self-centered behavior in policies designed to help people is utterly preposterous. As a Christian, I know that God is in control, yet, I also know that the devil is busy. This is where I must lean on my faith and trust that God will provide a way and keep us safe during this difficult time.

I encourage each of you who is reading this to do what you need to do to make sure that you take care of your mental health. Eat your vegetables, take your vitamins, drink water, stay hydrated, get lots of rest, and pray. Take this time to work on a home project or simply slow down. Let’s not let fear overtake us. Step up to Faith and watch God work. Remember, this too shall pass.

Reset your Spirit

Happy New Year, it’s 2020! Let’s walk boldly into this new year, this next decade wrapped in the faith of our God, confident and courageous in who we are. Who we were created to be is not some mistake or fluke, we are a necessity. We matter and have a voice and a purpose.

Last year my word for the year was courage. This year my word for 2020 is peace. It is all about the peace that comes from God, which not only brings me inner peace but joy and satisfaction with who I am in addition to happiness. Psalms 31:3 “For you are my rock and my fortress” which means that God is my foundation, my shelter, and my protection. A foundation supports you and keeps you balanced through everything that comes at you in life.

Life can be hard, disappointing, yet it can also be happy and joyful. It depends upon your perspective and how you view God’s role in your life. No matter what happens, I believe that God will always be with me. Whether I’m trying to be more healthy by exercising and eating better, launching a new creative project, managing my responsibilities with my children and my husband, and even trying to be a better me in Christ with God at the helm of my life, I can maneuver through life with an ease in my spirit that I would not have if it weren’t for the blessings of God and his peace.

In 2019, my word was courage and God gave me the drive to see some things through that I had put off because I was afraid. Number one on that list was going back to school. As a wife and mother the challenge of going back to school while caring for children seemed daunting yet, I was able to not only do it but, I thrived as an older student in a way that I had not when I was younger. Had it not been for a dark moment when things fell apart and the opportunity to go back to school presented itself, I would not have gone back. It was during this uncertainty where I could not see the future, however, God saw it and knew it was the right time for me. He gave me the nudge and continued to support me even when obstacles popped up.

One of those obstacles was that my husband had his first stroke and I cried out to God for help because I didn’t want to stop school as I had done so many times before. That was only through the courage that God gave me to finish that I actually completed my degree and now have a new opportunity to pursue graduate school. Without God, I would not have my degree. I know people will say that your hard work is what granted you that degree, although, I know that my effort alone was not enough. My belief in God is strong and I know that when I pray he answers my prayers whether it’s small or large, dire or easy, my God is always there.

A new year, a new decade means resolutions and promises that potentially are to increase one’s wellbeing mentally and physically. However, I would add that without God it will not matter what you try to do. In 2020, as a society, we are facing many difficulties. Poverty, crime, racism, war, and an increasing disconnection among people is growing. Suicide is increasing while the number of people who are diagnosed as depressed has increased in number. Mass shootings fill our news outlets daily and we have grown numb to it. Through all of this, God still sits on the throne. I don’t have the answers to any of the above-mentioned issues, yet, I know that to combat each problem we need God in our lives.

Not to be a Debbie-Downer, I know that I alone cannot solve all of the world’s problems, however, I know that if I make changes to my life and work on myself and my community then that is a start.  Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.” This verse always reminds me to have hope in spite of all that is going on around me, which is exactly why we need to have a foundation in God.

My hope for you is that whatever are the desires of your heart that God grants your aspiration and that you will remain in him. Let 2020 be your year where you overcome the obstacles in your life and allow God to lift you above whatever has held you back. Reset your thinking and your spirit and walk boldly into who you were meant to be. Make this the best year of your life. Let’s soar together.

Stop Living in Fear

There are only a few more days in 2019 and that means 2020 is almost here. A new year, a new decade will soon be upon us and I don’t know about you, but, I’ve learned some hard lessons this year. I’ve pushed myself to achieve some amazing goals this year and still faced some tremendous hurt and pain. Growth is essential just as change is inevitable and if we are to reap what we have sown then we must adhere to the lessons in front of us. I want to share some things that I have learned over this last year.

 

1. Love yourself and find value in who you are. You matter.
2. I’m responsible for my happiness, no one else’s.
3. For a person to have potential they must recognize that; it is not up to me or anyone else to recognize it for that individual. They must see it on their own.
4. Leave the past in the past. Not everything is a mistake, sometimes it’s a disappointment.
5. It is my job to hold people accountable for how they treat me.
6. No one needs another person to complete them. A companion joins another independent person to make a set to enhance their life.
7. Once you acknowledge your struggles now you can work through them and make informed decisions.
8. Fear is a scary place to live in, however, if we make decisions based on fear we may end up in regret.

 

In 2020, I want to stop living in fear and begin to live life in faith. I know that God has delivered me from some pain, struggle, depression, doubt, suicide, and sadness. Now I want to live in the light and not darkness. An attitude of positive expectancy has come over me. I can see my desires and goals and I never want to veer from this path. Fear will keep you trapped and repeating cycles of behavior because you don’t want to admit that you’re afraid.

 

In 2019, I finally completed my degree, which took a huge amount of courage to go back to school. As a wife and mother with much more responsibility it was more difficult to balance and maintain home, children, husband, and professional obligations. However, God blessed me to make it through and encourage others to go back and achieve their dreams. I can see the path that is laid out before me. Graduate school is not just a possibility, it’s a certainty. Two years ago, I produced my first play and in 2020, I want to produce my first film.

 

My children are thriving and I feel more confident in my decision-making abilities, which took a hit when I was going through my battle with depression. Indecisiveness filled me and held me, hostage, while the world moved on without a beat. Depression made me feel like I was trapped in darkness and that time elapsed slowly.

I tried to ignore it by being busy, but it wasn’t enough of a distraction. Unfortunately, depression makes you retreat into yourself especially when you need help the most. And I needed help. Therapy and walking daily helped to get me back on track. Acknowledging my struggles, pain and sadness allowed me to control my toxic thoughts. That process allowed me to discover some hard truths about myself and my life. It is still a struggle, however, each day I put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. I must not give up. I matter. It’s my responsibility to own my health and attitude.

 

2020 is almost here and I am going to walk into this New Year, this next decade free of the baggage and fear that has held me back. Anxiety and panic can no longer be my friends. God is leading me and directing me. My faith is strengthened because of what he has brought me through. He’s the same God yesterday, today and tomorrow. Don’t let apprehension take away your joy and peace. If you’re living in fear take a look at what scares you and face it. Take away the power from fear. Allow yourself to thrive. Don’t allow fear to force you into something that is not for you, stop living in fear.