Tag Archives: MO

Escape to Paradise: Book 2


A successful corporate attorney, Mia who lives in a historic and stately mansion has her life turned upside down when her sister and her family come to live with her after suffering a major financial setback. Her unemployed sister, Lisa and her husband, Marcus are struggling in an unhappy marriage along with the care of their eleven month old son, Jackson.

After struggling to keep Lisa and Marcus from destroying her home, Mia desperately needs a break and her brother, Jamal comes to her rescue. He sends her to St. Thomas where she meets William, a wealthy casino and real estate developer and sparks fly between them. William is struggling to get over being jilted at the altar in Las Vegas and unwittingly finds himself strongly attracted to Mia. Soon a bond forms between them that will test both of them and their desire for each other.

Check out my latest at http://www.kimberlybatchelordavis.com

 

 

When Life feels weary…


When life makes you weary, the feeling can be overwhelming. It’s an underlying symptom of depression, I believe.  Part of my struggle is that I have a desperate need to be something, other than just a Mom and a Wife. I know I’m an author, community activist, event planner, playwright, etc., but it doesn’t help when you see people around you fulfilling their goals and I’m still struggling with mine. The word tells us to be grateful and thankful for where we are and what we have.

My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. James 1:2-5.

 

I struggle with this because my gut tells me there is so much more for me. I’ve seen so much and can see myself in such a greater place than where I am now. Unfortunately, I don’t have a fairy godmother who can wave her magic wand and make something instantaneously happen so I create characters and stories in the mean time.  I have to rely on my faith. So I acknowledge my struggles through my characters.

My books deal with disappointment, loss, sadness, forgiveness and peace. Escape to Paradise deals with family stress, disappointment, forgiveness, love, lust and trust. My protagonist Mia deals in her issues of feeling the need of taking care of people all the while ignoring her own needs. That’s a classic case for me. I’ve often said it’s easier for me to address someone else’s situation than it is mine. I even added in a juvenile character to address my struggles in dealing with my children. My boys are both ultra-competitive and it’s literally driving me crazy. They fight over everything. Most days I just want to put them out on a street corner and say “See ya’ wouldn’t want to be ya’.” It’s more than a notion in dealing with those two.

The struggle for peace in one’s life is tough and deeper than what many people believe.  Some days are easier than others, although today feels like I could just curl up in a ball and pull the covers over my head. I know that I can’t hide. Facing my issues and duties is what everyone has to do. I’d just like to be on a beach while the ocean laps at my feet and I write my next story. Continue to press on, write, acknowledge how you feel and pray. God will provide a way.  Seek out counseling Therapists are helpful tools and can assist us in identifying what’s bothering us and why.  Continue to move forward…I am.

 

People Pleasing: How I validate myself…Enough is Enough


Here’s my confession, I’m a people pleaser and I despise myself for it. I’m always going above and beyond for people because that’s what I want people to do for me, however that’s not real life. I was listening to a radio show and the host said “Some of us don’t know how to love ourselves.”
This resonated for me. The host discussed ways in which she showed love to herself through inspirational greeting cards.

I don’t really do anything for myself because I’m always busy doing for others. My days are spent juggling schedules, husband, kids, home and attempting to string some words together in a coherent fashion for an article or a book. Let’s just say that most days it’s a losing proposition. My attention is usually pulled towards the yelling, fighting or some type of disgruntled behavior between two particular little people. Between homework, potty training, discipline and bedtime it can all be a bit much trying to keep up with the Joneses. (You know those mothers who always act like they are doing everything right and you are doing everything wrong).

In my former professional life I struggled with always needing to have my work validated by a superior. After complaining to my former boss that she didn’t give me credit for a project that was well done – she replied that I shouldn’t need anyone’s praise to know that I did a superb job. I said I know that I did a great job, but that it would be nice to be recognized by her. I remember leaving her office feeling dejected and unappreciated. Fast forward to now and it seems like no matter what I still feel unappreciated because the very people who I break my back for are ungrateful. That’s probably harsh because they’re kids, however it doesn’t negate how I feel.

I told someone recently I no longer have a desire to care about other people’s feelings or be polite. That shit hasn’t gotten me anywhere except more and more pissed off. People only do for others what they want to do and it’s usually not even close to what you may want so why do I bother to care because I have a big old sensitive heart that gets broken quite frequently. So as much as I may try to stop being a people pleaser it’s probably always going to be a struggle for me.

I have to love myself enough to know that I did my best no matter what anyone says. Practicing forgiveness is a big part. I’m very hard on myself and I think that’s why I look for others to validate me so I don’t feel like I’m making it up.

If you’re a people pleaser like me try to practice loving on yourself you may just find that your voice is the only one that matters. That’s what I’m working on…

Filled with Fear


The last few months have been pretty busy for me so much so, that I’ve not kept up on what’s happening in the world like I should. Two weeks ago on my way back home from Cedar Point, after having spent a great day with the family, we stopped at a rest stop. I decided to check my email while I waited for the rest of the family to finish their bathroom break. An alert crossed my phone alerting me to the unfolding riotous scene happening in Ferguson, MO. My mouth fell open and an uneasiness filled me with dread.

I had been unaware of what was happening because watching my local news had become a depressive chore, which fueled my obsession with issues of safety personally for me, my husband and for my children. I stopped watching because I was simply scaring myself silly.
Now my interest was piqued and my obsession needed to be fed. I mentioned it to my husband. He mumbled, “Yeah I heard something, but really not sure what’s happening there.”
We continued on our drive home. I didn’t give much more thought about Ferguson, MO until I was home, comfortable on my couch, with the television on. I saw the rage, heard the sound bites of the accounts of what allegedly happened. Then a day or two later the autopsy report was released and my anger, mistrust and fear grew. When will these senseless killings stop.
Why did Mike Brown, Trayvon Martin, Eric Gartner all die at the hands of a crazed cop or wanna be cop. Is there something in the very nature of police officers that makes them this way? My father early in his career before he became an attorney was a local Sheriff in our county. Sheriff’s here operate like local law enforcement, they are simply based through the county that you reside, instead of the city in which you live in.
I have cousins and friends who are police officers and none of them has ever shot a person based on how they look outside of a suspect profile’s description. I have friends of all nationalities and pride myself on being a pretty open person to other cultures. I’ve raised my children to be tolerant, respectful and follow the moral foundation that we’re building.
What worries me is when they grow, mature and become teenagers and encounter people who would do harm to them simply based on the fact that they are black males. My children are going to be very tall, big men. But my five-year old, who is currently the size of an eight year old is a gentle soul. He’s innocent, silly, goofy and mischievous. All the things that make up a precious little boy. I’m struggling with giving him some independence as he grows and not just shelter him from everything, but its sad to feel like I have to prepare my child for battle with society. I knew he had to be well-educated, mannered, respectful and law-abiding, but now even more careful because the police or some macho wanna be doesn’t like the way he looks, or he’s someplace he shouldn’t be(which right now can be anywhere),or somebody has an axe to grind for some reason against folks of color.
A straight answer can’t be gleaned through the media, too many special interests and corporations controlling what’s being said, how its being communicated and by whom. Cell phone video and eyewitness accounts have provided another unsettling view of what happened. My conclusion is Mike Brown was at the wrong place, wrong time he ran into the wrong cop. Whether the stories of the cop being beaten are true or false, it doesn’t really matter. The autopsy shows the path of the bullets and bullets don’t lie. This case will be solved through forensic investigation and eyewitness testimony, if the witnesses are reliable.
If my father were here he would remind me that no matter how heinous of a crime or deplorable of a situation every person accused has the right to a fair trial. Unfortunately in this day and age crime is political like everything else. Don’t believe me, look at the incarceration rates for young black men. Documentaries like Afraid of the Dark, PBS documentary on Riker’s Island highlight the issue, but ultimately the causes, I believe are the same. Poverty, disenchantment with the American System, lack of education and a degradation in morals and values.
If this is true then how do upstanding, honest, respectful, law-abiding young black males make it, by being cooperative with police and addressing it in court later. I’m not saying its fair, it’s the reality. I’ve seen firsthand the harassment that my husband, male friends and others have faced. Its sad the state that we live in.
I personally believe in the system. I believe in the law and elected officials to make a difference, but not once during this time did any of the elected officials bother to make a statement until the governor was pressured to do so. A dearth of leadership failed the community and continues to fail us when true leadership is really needed. Instead despotic leadership rears its ugly head working for its own angle instead of the cause or the group mainly affected.
So where does that leave us, namely me and my family. The answer is alone. As a believer and supporter of community organizers change can be had. if people will work together. Therein lies the problem, people don’t work together because of their own issues. My solution is until the day that we all come together in a glorious Kumbaya moment do what you can in your own community, neighborhood and home. That’s where change starts. In the meantime I will be arming my children with the tools that they need, reminding them of our history, ceaselessly praying for them and keeping them as close as possible. I fear there will be more Mike Browns and as much as my husband and I continue to do for the community many days it feels like a waste of time. However, I know that I am setting an example for my sons to follow just as my family did for me. Prayerfully, my children will become responsible, God fearing, successful in whatever they choose to do, community active folks who will continue to set the standard for what should be instead of what is.