Tag Archives: parents

When Trouble Comes

When the troubles of life come how do you handle it? I can’t always say that I’ve handled it well. Life can be brutal, yet joyful and sad and confusing all at the same time.

I co-wrote and produced a play and let me tell you the devil was busy trying to stop this production. Before you say everything is not just evil, you’re correct, however, money problems aside I’ve definitely been tested. First off, my stove conked out and so did my furnace both at critical times with finances very low for an extended period of time. My furnace simply went kaput when the weather turned cold. This may not seem like a huge issue, but when its cold a space heater doesn’t necessarily cover it. Secondly, my husband and I stressed each other out a lot, especially me trying to get this project off of the ground. Thirdly, my husband was accosted by the police wrongfully for looking like a person of interest as he was told. Two undercover officers barrelled up on him literally with guns out while he walked back from Sinai Grace hospital back to his office where he works because he carried a backpack and he was considered a suspect in a robbery. No probable cause outside of a shaky description. His personal effects, which included his bag of M&M’s, a boiled egg and some paperwork for his office were scattered and tossed carelessly onto the street by these two police officers. Once they got another call that the suspect was in custody, they took off. No apology, no nothing. So after two officers pulled a gun on him and one of them put the gun to the back of his head, my husband stood there shaken. After a couple of minutes, he quietly gathered his items and stood there still shaken on the street. Afterwards, he called me and all I could think about was that he could have been killed and we’d never know what really happened or even why it happened. I’ve had people try to throw dirt on me in regards to this production and others who tried to stop the production. It’s been an eye-opener for real.

This has been an amazing journey, yet humbling because through everything God has remained faithful and blessed this production. We got another stove from friends who had an extra in storage and we were able to buy another furnace again with the help of friends. They know who they are and words can never express how grateful I am to them. Through it, all my husband shouldered it so I could keep my focus on the production. All I can say after everything was said and done, I’m extremely grateful and thankful to all that supported me through this process. I’m reminded that doing the right things are never easy and that if they were, everyone would do it.

I’m exhausted, yet excited for what’s coming next. Escape to Paradise: Book 3, two new stage plays for 2018, yes, I’m ambitious. And although I’d love to be on an exotic beach right now, I have work to do. This grind process won’t manage itself. It takes dedication and commitment. The bible says, “Weeping may endureth through the night, but joy cometh in the morning.” My joy has been restored. I am grateful and thankful for the blessings and the trials. God has shown me what’s possible and no matter what troubles come and they will that’s life, my focus has to remain on God and his promise. People talk a lot about how you respond to life’s troubles or how you carry your load. Yes, I must remain positive and it’s all true that does determine how successful you are in handling something, but it’s not always the reality. Trust me I know.  Because I could feel the darkness creeping back in on me, but Praise God he blessed me to fight back and rebuke that terrible, dark spirit. 2 Chronicles 20:15″And he said, Hearken ye, all Judah, and ye inhabitants of Jerusalem, and thou king Jehoshaphat, Thus saith the Lord unto you, Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God’s.”

If you’re struggling to move forward or trying to figure out if something is supposed to be – just listen to God’s voice and he will direct you. He directed my steps and he can direct yours. All you can do is put one foot in front of the other and walk forward, speak a kind word to yourself and remember your blessings. God is ever faithful and will keep you. If you look back over your life at times when he brought you out of something just remember he did it once and he’ll do it again. Be blessed, my friends.

Kimberly Batchelor Davis Mission Statement

Mission Statement

To create content that empowers, empathizes and embraces the struggles of women, writers and motherhood while fostering an environment that can celebrate, inspire and provide a safe place to discuss those issues that concern women, writers and mothers.

Why I went back to work

Why I went back to work is a question I’m asked a lot. I took a job because staying at home with my kids was not mentally engaging me. What I mean is that although I have two little chatterboxes who are very active, there is no opportunity for mental stimulation for me. No participatory conversation that stimulated my linguistic skills, challenged my thought process, or helped to keep my memory sharp. The routine of my kids was lulling me into a lazy state of ambiguity. Kids wake up, feed them, pop in a movie, read a book or play a game it was all the same to me. The monotony of it all began to wear thin on me. I love my children, but I needed something more for me.
Although I would work from home at times, it was always difficult because conference calls would hastily be moved to the bathroom for quiet and working on a computer, I had to balance a laptop and a toddler at the same time. In the beginning it seemed a viable alternative, however the stress of multi-tasking and organizing family and business in the same area just didn’t work anymore.
I found myself dreading the day and looking forward to the time when my children would be asleep. That meant I could work uninterrupted, despite the fact that I was cutting into my precious sleep time. My sleep bank grew more and more depleted each day. Between the battles to get my children to sleep and trying to accomplish my projects—I was simply spent. An outside work environment seemed to be the best option and something crossed my desk that I thought that I would be interested in. It was an industry that I was familiar with. Unfortunately, the position that I desired, I did not get, but I received another offer for another position.
I was elated that I’d be able to leave my house and have adult stimulating conversations. I convinced myself that I’d still be able to come home and give my children their much needed time. For the most part I do give them their time, however the position turned out to not be what I expected. Can you say Boring, uneventful, and totally the opposite of stimulating to say the least, nevertheless, I’m sticking it out until I finish my books and can move on to something better.
I struggle to come home, cook and entertain my family. A mother’s job is never done, no matter if she works in the home or outside of it. Mother’s wear so many hats and balance many plates. No holiday can make up for what Moms give to their families. Although most Mom’s say they just want time for themselves, I believe that’s true, however I believe that we all want a choice in what we do. There should be no pigeon holing in telling a mother to stay at home or go back to work. Whatever you decide to do, soar in your goals. Your children will thrive because you do. My children are doing well now that I’ve gone back to work and that’s a beautiful thing.

The Not So Sexy Side of Motherhood

Jogging pants, yoga pants, large t-shirts and robes are a mother’s best couture staples. Ponytails are also a staple. For me it was always  bun, now its a wrapped scarf. No dirt, food, snot, poop or pee can damage them. All new mothers learn very quickly that whatever is most comfortable for you to wear, you literally begin to live in that. Forget showers and grooming, kids take away time. Every mother adjusts, however most will say showers are a luxury. For me showers are a necessity even if I have to shower in front of an audience, like I’m a peep show exhibit in Amsterdam.

My couture staple is extra-large jogging pants with a big shirt and sweatshirt over it. I substituted my big blue fluffy robe because my husband complained. Now he groans about the sweatshirt, I just ignore him. A woman can only take so much. I’m sleep deprived and for me to really look nice, it takes an effort. I need a corset, moisturizer, make-up to cover up my under eye bags, a long hot shower, comfortable loose-fitting clothing and accessories to even get a semblance of the appearance of nice.

Being a Mom has taken away all my glamour. Often when I get glammed up, I’m usually exhausted  by the time I’m dressed. And I always wear the same thing, something dark. I have several white suits, which beckon me, however I will not wear them for fear that a little person will muck them up before I get to where I’m going.

It would be great if some designer would invent sexy yoga and jogging pants. The problem is once you’ve had a kid everything sags, hangs and has moved. It’s hard to know where or how you used to be when you were cute. Pregnancy is hard on boobs, butt, and you’re midsection. Then add multiple pregnancies and everything deteriorates so much quicker.

My problem is that I’m tired and rushing, which is often. Jogging pants and a shirt are so easy to do. In the summer i have my go to sandals. In the winter it’s more work because I have to put on boots, however layering in my sweats is so comfy.

I know that I should take time and dress up, but it’s so darn hard. There’s only so much time in the day. And everyone always needs something. I’m trying to do better, especially adding my jewelry back into the mix. Since my children are not so much into the grabbing phase, I can wear some jewelry again. Baby steps, I have to remind myself. So the next time you see a mother in very casual clothes, don’t judge. Support her by giving her a compliment, it’s probably been a while since she received one.  And if you see a mother dressed up, compliment her because you never know when she might do that again.


Depression is a thief that robs life from those afflicted. Its ability to transform a happy person into a worrier, full of sadness at a moment’s notice is downright scary. Some days I wake up with renewed energy (on those rare nights when I get to sleep) others it’s a struggle to get through the day. Schedules, household duties, family responsibilities, emotional meltdowns from an overly dramatic six-year-old or a feisty, stubborn two-year old make me just want to run into oncoming traffic screaming like a mad woman.

The enormous responsibility of being a mom and wife most days seems to overwhelm me. It’s hard to find the quiet place where you can recharge, reflect and rest. Depression is something that I’ve dealt with for several years now. It always seems to rear its head when there are enormous stresses occurring in my life. Counseling has always helped me, however what I really need is to be able to get my life back. I need my own creative space.

Creatively speaking and writing works for me, although the opportunities have been limited. Being intentional in my planning, still learning how to say “NO” (especially to my children) and being silent have helped me to cope some.

Having finally realized the dream of being published has been an amazing journey, but now it feels like I have stalled and am no longer moving, just treading water again. I like to be busy, however I appreciate having downtime. I think that’s probably my biggest struggle is managing all these other things and still having time for myself. If I physically went to an office each day and life was compartmentalized I might be in a better state of mind. Things would probably make more sense instead of how everything bleeds into each other since I work from home.

I feel like I literally run from one thing to another never fully completing anything, simply patch working at its best. I’ve got to do better and be better. My vision board is now complete. I’ve actually lost 10 lbs. toward my desired goal. Its one step at a time. I have to remember this. I’m a work in progress and depression can’t steal my joy.

The Perfect Mama

Miles and Aiden are my absolute joy and my struggle. Each day is a challenge. As a professional I pride myself on being able to master many tasks, but dare I say Parenthood is not one of them.
Recently, I went back to therapy and asked the Dr. “Is there something wrong with me?”
He replied, “No all mothers go through anxiety, confusion and struggle to adjust.”
After spending a quiet holiday with my immediate family and my brother I realized my wounds from childhood have reopened. The motto “Children should be seen and not heard” was my parent’s battle cry.
My brother confirmed to me what I always believed that it was better to be silent and suffer than speak up and face retribution. I have been so afraid of messing my children up for fear of making a mistake that I’ve neglected to just be their parent.
A friend of mine said, “Kim, you’re the perfect mama to Miles and Aiden, in their eyes, but in reality you’ll make mistakes, however they’ll never know because you’re all they have. And it’s okay just remember that you’re not alone.
Barbara doesn’t realize how much I needed to hear that. As mothers we have to stop comparing ourselves, criticizing ourselves and allow us to just be human. Because that’s all that we are. We’re just fallible, flawed people who have an incredibly important job in trying to raise, teach and prepare another human to be an adult and responsible citizen.
It’s already so difficult with all the judgements and critiques from society. Although at the end of the day you have to be proud of yourself and what you’ve accomplished as a parent.
I’ll be the first to say I have no clue as to what I’m doing, but I’m managing as best as I can. My children love me and respect me. My husband praises me on my performance. I just have to believe in myself and remember that my wounds are in the past and they can no longer hurt me. I must not give them power and from that use the knowledge of what not to do and turn it into positive behavior to help push my children forward. I’m a Mom not a TV superhero. My children believe that I’m a superhero sometimes and that’s okay, but I am learning my limitations and its all good. I don’t want to be a perfect mama. I just want to be me, flawed, happy and at peace with it all.

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Breast Feeding and the Hormones are really the cause

A year and a half has passed and I can finally say that I’m really understanding what sent me over the edge with my depression. I have attached an article that discusses the link between breastfeeding and depression.

I breast-fed both of my sons and they are thriving. Thank God, I’m so thankful for that, but I do think that the issue of exhaustion, lack of family support and financial strain caused many of my triggers, which led to my depression. I feel like I’ve lived inside a tornado of spiraling and whirling that’s completely mixed up my life. It seems as if I’ve had more than my fair share of trouble, heartbreak, disappointment and sadness.

Finally, as Dr. Phil would say “Get Real” with your life. The things and people who I’ve been chasing I’m trying to let go because it’s just not worth it anymore. I’m turning my focus back to God and my family.

I don’t know how my current situation is going to play out, but I do pray that God works things out for me because I’m exhausted and truly understand that I don’t control anything.

I have to remember that I’m responsible for me and that’s it. My psyche has definitely taken a hit. I struggle to make decisions, move forward or even pursue a dream because I feel so stuck.

That’s what led me to where I am today. The feeling of being stuck in the mud. How could I possibly take care of another child when I don’t have anyone in my family willing to help me or even offer advice. How am I supposed to be a help mate to my husband when I haven’t even been able to contribute monetarily to our household. These are questions that plagued me before I had my second son. I thought that God had abandoned me because clearly my family has, but that’s another story. Abandon may be too strong of a word, but they’re not there and that is the bottom line.

I should be angry and hateful, but really I just want to move on with my life and do what God has shown me. He has shown me twice that I’m a writer and quite successful at it in the future. I just wish that could come now instead of later.

Not having family support increased my exhaustion levels, a dearth of financial resources sent my nerves over the edge with constant worry and my own everyday worries tipped my mental ship. Rage, fury and anger occupied my body while Aiden developed. The blessing is that he’s healthy because of it. No one really understands how much I didn’t want another child, but as always God knows what’s best.

Through my current situation I realize that the family that I so longed for is right in front of me. I have the power to shape it and be the example that I’ve always looked for. Having children is truly a blessing, but it’s also the hardest job that any parent will ever take on.I had no idea on the level of commitment that would be needed.

Mothers and Fathers have to be valued, loved and supported because they are caring for someone who will grow up and become a part of our society. Too many times I hear the negative comments deriding parents about their kids noise levels or a mother’s decision to work or not. It’s a shame because at the end of the day every person at some point in time had a parent, whether you want to admit it or not.

Treat parents nicely because one day you may end up becoming one and needing a helping hand. Trust me when no one’s there that’s a very lonely feeling.I don’t wish that on anyone. If you are a parent and struggling know that there is help available. You may have to search for it, but someone is going through the same thing that you are. Have hope and faith that things will work out.


A Mother’s Expectations

The expectations of a wife and mother are a huge responsibility. So much is placed on the shoulders of women. Taking care of a home, caring for children, pleasing your husband are just a few of the many duties that most wives and mothers tackle. If you attend church, mosque or a temple there are responsibilities for women as well. If you work outside of the home or volunteer there are expectations, also. So many expectations what is a woman to do?

I’m not sure, but I do know that public perceptions can be very helpful or can become a hinderance to a woman in this role. Lately, I have been reading lots of articles on the state of Mothers, Wives and Marriage. A lot of people have a lot to say on the subject. Everyone seems to be in agreement that many mothers put this immense amount of pressure on themselves to be perfect. I used to believe that I didn’t, but now I feel like I’m in a competition with so many others.

The looks from others when one of my children makes a tantrum, cries for attention or says something flippant and I feel the stinging glares from people. My husband says that I’m imagining things, but I really do feel like people are judging me. Most days I struggle to get where I’m going on time and I feel like all I do is rush around all day and accomplish nothing. For me this makes me feel like a complete and utter failure because I never finish anything or I am always rushing at the last-minute to complete something. (this isn’t me-I like to plan everything out.)

My expectation of what I thought that my life would be like is so far off its not even funny. I’m not where I want to be career wise, my husband and I have both changed and my children leave me in a state of feeling confused all the time. I understand now when people say kids change your relationship. They test it, break it , but hopefully your strong enough to put it back together. Honestly I can’t say that I am. My husband and I are in a strange place. It’s like we’re on autopilot just going through the motions. At least that’s how I feel.

Which is how I feel with everything else going on in my life. My three problems -1. Exhaustion 2. Disconnected from myself 3. Depression make the rest of my life feel like a silent movie reel running and I’m just standing there watching it unfold. I have trouble making decisions and then sticking with the ones that I do make, which brings me to the crux of my issues. I really feel like I’m filled with regret and becoming bitter and more bitter with each passing day. An unplanned pregnancy through for a loop even though I’m married and stable.

I’m working on a book project for a young man and his auto-biography is filled with tales of abuse as a child, neglect by a parent and an unfit home. I thought that if anything could pull me from the depths of baby blues and depression this should be it. As I weave the words to his story I feel terrible for feeling the way that I feel, I should be grateful that my children are healthy and happy and that I have a great husband, but then I remember my feelings are valid and not the result of drug use or abuse. It’s okay to feel sad, but that I have to stop wallowing in my guilt, anger and fear. My biggest issue is not having control. No control over my finances, which is in direct relation to my current disappointment with my career and disappointment in where my life is right now. Should I have gone to law school–become an attorney and been miserable like everyone else, but at least I wouldn’t worry about money. I always believed that there is more to life than money. That’s where my problem lies. I don’t know about you, but I need my happy back.

I’m not really sure where, how or when I will get it back, but believe me I’m going to get it back. As I write these words I’m pushing myself toward a space of acceptance, peace and happiness in decisions, my life and career. It’s so hard with so many things being thrown at you at one time –all the while you’re supposed to look good and still be able to do the things that you did before you had kids. I find myself not being able to groom myself the same. Ponytails and lip gloss are my go to’s. Whereas mascara, eyeliner, eyeshadow and lipstick were my go to’s. Heels have lost out to flats or gym shoes and nail polish is just non-existent.

That’s the disconnect–I don’t feel like myself. I second and triple guess everything never sure of anything. My big project that I’m working on is suffering because I have trouble making decisions and then after one is made and it doesn’t work I leave feeling regretful. This pushes me further into my depression.

I told my client something has to go right so that I can feel good about this project. He keeps telling me that I’m doing fine, but as I told my girlfriend I’d fire myself if I could, but alas I can’t and probably shouldn’t that might send me over the edge for real.

I just feel like I’m coasting not really sure of what I’m doing, but everybody tells me I’m doing a good job. I guess at the end of the day I have to feel good about being a wife,mother and Kim. Right now that’s not happening, but I’m hoping to get back to a good place. With prayer, therapy and possibly some alone time slowly I will get my happy back. If you’re struggling–find some time for yourself because no one’s going to treat you any better than you will treat yourself.