Tag Archives: Adventures

My Testimony



From 2008-2016 my weight bounced up and down. I struggled with postpartum depression and depression. I lost myself to the unrealistic expectations of motherhood. I shut down emotionally, physically and even spiritually. The despair, feeling of hopelessness and anger almost consumed me, however God lifted me up and reminded me whose I am. It didn’t happen overnight. There were a lot of tears, prayers and my soul literally crying out to him. In 2015 I went back to therapy and realized that everything that I was feeling was normal and that I had to take time for myself. That was the first step. Since then I’ve walked each day (almost) even in inclement weather and am intentional in what I eat. I know that this is my testimony. This is what God has called me to do, along with writing and being creative. I encourage anyone who reads this post to find your calling and cast your cares on the Lord for he loves you.
#GetNaked #TestimonyformyFatherinHeaven #Godwillbringyoutoittobringyouthroughit #YourbodyisyourTemple
kimberlybatchelordavis.com

Are you a priority?


Are you a priority in your  own life? Are your responsibilities screaming at you? Does your family demand so much of your time that you feel invisible? Are you a doer? Meaning you’re the one who people come to for advice, help or whatever? Do you find yourself struggling through something and people constantly complimenting you on how strong you are?

If you answered yes to any of the above than welcome to my world. The demands can be so great on you that you feel like your head will explode. I personally understand how sometimes a person can literally feel like they’re about to burst with rage, anger and sadness. Sometimes the responsibilities, the demands, the constant need is just too much.

What I learned from my therapist is that no matter how much needs to be done, when it’s due, or even who needs it you still have to make time for yourself. Mothers, especially with young children struggle with this because of the heavy demands placed on them. The world tells Mothers that you should do everything for your kids and be happy because they are a blessing. Which is true, however sometimes the demands are so great that you can grow exhausted, become overwhelmed and develop feelings of resentment.

I no longer try to put on the mask that says that I’m happy all the time because quite frankly I’m not. I’m exhausted, overwhelmed and sometimes downright irritated because my children will not cooperate. The great thing about this is now I honor my feelings and I take a break. I make time for myself whether its going for a run/walk, taking a long hot bath uninterrupted, reading or just having a glass of wine. I matter. My time matters and its important for my family to understand that as much as I do for them I need to do for me, too.

That means that you matter, too. Take time for yourself. What do you enjoy? That question stumped me when I went back to therapy because I had stopped doing the things that once interested me because I was so focused on my family. Find out what you love and embrace it in a way that makes sense for you. Everybody’s solution will not work for everyone, although sometimes we can take nuggets and improvise on them to make them work in our world.

Take time for yourself today. You matter.

The Basis of my characters


Each and every one of the characters that I create are based on either something  that I’ve experienced, witnessed, or read about. Being a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend has given me loads to write about. In Escape to Paradise I use my experience with postpartum depression in an exaggerated way to broach the subject. In addition to postpartum depression I exaggerate the need to be everyone’s caretaker. For me this has always been one of my greatest weaknesses. I care too much for others and have paid for it with much emotional pain.

As a former caregiver to my mother and grandmother the stories, experiences and range of emotions that I can share are vast and deep. The helplessness, loneliness, exhaustion, frustration and anger are just the tip of what many caregivers experience and share. When I had my first child the feeling of being overwhelmed, full of love and absolutely terrified of everything consumed me. With Escape to Paradise I have planted these issues deep inside two main female characters and had them act out in such a way that these hurts were brought to the surface.

With the introduction of my two main male characters you get to see how they respond to the female characterizations along with dealing with their own issues and hurts. Life can be a fruitful library of ideas if you know where to look. My great-grandmother taught me the art of people watching and I must say that because of that skill I’ve been able to create some wonderful stories.

If you desire to be an Author or you are a writer try using personal experiences as a point of development in moving the story forward that you want to write. Not everything has to be true only the essence of the situation. Try it and see where it takes you. For me it took me to Escape to Paradise: Book 1 and 2.

Check out Escape to Paradise

kimberlybatchelordavis.com

 

Escape to Paradise: Book 2


A successful corporate attorney, Mia who lives in a historic and stately mansion has her life turned upside down when her sister and her family come to live with her after suffering a major financial setback. Her unemployed sister, Lisa and her husband, Marcus are struggling in an unhappy marriage along with the care of their eleven month old son, Jackson.

After struggling to keep Lisa and Marcus from destroying her home, Mia desperately needs a break and her brother, Jamal comes to her rescue. He sends her to St. Thomas where she meets William, a wealthy casino and real estate developer and sparks fly between them. William is struggling to get over being jilted at the altar in Las Vegas and unwittingly finds himself strongly attracted to Mia. Soon a bond forms between them that will test both of them and their desire for each other.

Check out my latest at http://www.kimberlybatchelordavis.com

 

 

When Life feels weary…


When life makes you weary, the feeling can be overwhelming. It’s an underlying symptom of depression, I believe.  Part of my struggle is that I have a desperate need to be something, other than just a Mom and a Wife. I know I’m an author, community activist, event planner, playwright, etc., but it doesn’t help when you see people around you fulfilling their goals and I’m still struggling with mine. The word tells us to be grateful and thankful for where we are and what we have.

My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. James 1:2-5.

 

I struggle with this because my gut tells me there is so much more for me. I’ve seen so much and can see myself in such a greater place than where I am now. Unfortunately, I don’t have a fairy godmother who can wave her magic wand and make something instantaneously happen so I create characters and stories in the mean time.  I have to rely on my faith. So I acknowledge my struggles through my characters.

My books deal with disappointment, loss, sadness, forgiveness and peace. Escape to Paradise deals with family stress, disappointment, forgiveness, love, lust and trust. My protagonist Mia deals in her issues of feeling the need of taking care of people all the while ignoring her own needs. That’s a classic case for me. I’ve often said it’s easier for me to address someone else’s situation than it is mine. I even added in a juvenile character to address my struggles in dealing with my children. My boys are both ultra-competitive and it’s literally driving me crazy. They fight over everything. Most days I just want to put them out on a street corner and say “See ya’ wouldn’t want to be ya’.” It’s more than a notion in dealing with those two.

The struggle for peace in one’s life is tough and deeper than what many people believe.  Some days are easier than others, although today feels like I could just curl up in a ball and pull the covers over my head. I know that I can’t hide. Facing my issues and duties is what everyone has to do. I’d just like to be on a beach while the ocean laps at my feet and I write my next story. Continue to press on, write, acknowledge how you feel and pray. God will provide a way.  Seek out counseling Therapists are helpful tools and can assist us in identifying what’s bothering us and why.  Continue to move forward…I am.

 

People Pleasing: How I validate myself…Enough is Enough


Here’s my confession, I’m a people pleaser and I despise myself for it. I’m always going above and beyond for people because that’s what I want people to do for me, however that’s not real life. I was listening to a radio show and the host said “Some of us don’t know how to love ourselves.”
This resonated for me. The host discussed ways in which she showed love to herself through inspirational greeting cards.

I don’t really do anything for myself because I’m always busy doing for others. My days are spent juggling schedules, husband, kids, home and attempting to string some words together in a coherent fashion for an article or a book. Let’s just say that most days it’s a losing proposition. My attention is usually pulled towards the yelling, fighting or some type of disgruntled behavior between two particular little people. Between homework, potty training, discipline and bedtime it can all be a bit much trying to keep up with the Joneses. (You know those mothers who always act like they are doing everything right and you are doing everything wrong).

In my former professional life I struggled with always needing to have my work validated by a superior. After complaining to my former boss that she didn’t give me credit for a project that was well done – she replied that I shouldn’t need anyone’s praise to know that I did a superb job. I said I know that I did a great job, but that it would be nice to be recognized by her. I remember leaving her office feeling dejected and unappreciated. Fast forward to now and it seems like no matter what I still feel unappreciated because the very people who I break my back for are ungrateful. That’s probably harsh because they’re kids, however it doesn’t negate how I feel.

I told someone recently I no longer have a desire to care about other people’s feelings or be polite. That shit hasn’t gotten me anywhere except more and more pissed off. People only do for others what they want to do and it’s usually not even close to what you may want so why do I bother to care because I have a big old sensitive heart that gets broken quite frequently. So as much as I may try to stop being a people pleaser it’s probably always going to be a struggle for me.

I have to love myself enough to know that I did my best no matter what anyone says. Practicing forgiveness is a big part. I’m very hard on myself and I think that’s why I look for others to validate me so I don’t feel like I’m making it up.

If you’re a people pleaser like me try to practice loving on yourself you may just find that your voice is the only one that matters. That’s what I’m working on…

Kimberly Batchelor Davis Mission Statement


Mission Statement

To create content that empowers, empathizes and embraces the struggles of women, writers and motherhood while fostering an environment that can celebrate, inspire and provide a safe place to discuss those issues that concern women, writers and mothers.

The Not So Sexy Side of Motherhood


Jogging pants, yoga pants, large t-shirts and robes are a mother’s best couture staples. Ponytails are also a staple. For me it was always  bun, now its a wrapped scarf. No dirt, food, snot, poop or pee can damage them. All new mothers learn very quickly that whatever is most comfortable for you to wear, you literally begin to live in that. Forget showers and grooming, kids take away time. Every mother adjusts, however most will say showers are a luxury. For me showers are a necessity even if I have to shower in front of an audience, like I’m a peep show exhibit in Amsterdam.

My couture staple is extra-large jogging pants with a big shirt and sweatshirt over it. I substituted my big blue fluffy robe because my husband complained. Now he groans about the sweatshirt, I just ignore him. A woman can only take so much. I’m sleep deprived and for me to really look nice, it takes an effort. I need a corset, moisturizer, make-up to cover up my under eye bags, a long hot shower, comfortable loose-fitting clothing and accessories to even get a semblance of the appearance of nice.

Being a Mom has taken away all my glamour. Often when I get glammed up, I’m usually exhausted  by the time I’m dressed. And I always wear the same thing, something dark. I have several white suits, which beckon me, however I will not wear them for fear that a little person will muck them up before I get to where I’m going.

It would be great if some designer would invent sexy yoga and jogging pants. The problem is once you’ve had a kid everything sags, hangs and has moved. It’s hard to know where or how you used to be when you were cute. Pregnancy is hard on boobs, butt, and you’re midsection. Then add multiple pregnancies and everything deteriorates so much quicker.

My problem is that I’m tired and rushing, which is often. Jogging pants and a shirt are so easy to do. In the summer i have my go to sandals. In the winter it’s more work because I have to put on boots, however layering in my sweats is so comfy.

I know that I should take time and dress up, but it’s so darn hard. There’s only so much time in the day. And everyone always needs something. I’m trying to do better, especially adding my jewelry back into the mix. Since my children are not so much into the grabbing phase, I can wear some jewelry again. Baby steps, I have to remind myself. So the next time you see a mother in very casual clothes, don’t judge. Support her by giving her a compliment, it’s probably been a while since she received one.  And if you see a mother dressed up, compliment her because you never know when she might do that again.

The 24 hour Mama: Somebody Always Needs Me


Being a Mom is a busy job from dawn to dusk and sometimes you’re even needed during the midnight hour. I never imagined that life would be this hectic and change so much with the addition of children to our family. The difference from one child to multiple children makes an even bigger difference in how families achieve balance. From infancy adapting to a sleep schedule, feeding schedule, teaching, guiding and directing them in the ways of being happy, smart, well-adjusted people to toddler, and growing into big kids to teenagers and so on. It’s overwhelming to say the least.

Last night after proudly announcing to my family that I would retire at 12:30 (because I recently discovered Jimmy Fallon, don’t judge me. I’ve been up to my eyeballs with kids for the last six years) which is early for me. At a quarter to 5am I was awakened by the sound of my youngest son rousing from a nightmare. The tone of his cry and the intensity let me know that it was probably a night terror. I went to his room and he was not tucked into his bed. Instead he was downstairs asleep on the couch. No biggie, I thought the boys are camped out downstairs in the living room. However, to my surprise my oldest was still awake watching TV. Yes, at 5am! He’d been up all night. Daddy was fast asleep on the couch, oblivious to it all.

I ushered the boys off to bed. Now I was awake, unable to sleep, I began to clean. My husband woke up and was like what are you doing? “I’m cleaning I responded because I can’t go back to sleep,” I stayed awake for the next 2 hours doing a variety of menial tasks throughout my house. An example, I changed the battery in my bathroom clock that had stopped. I accomplished quite a bit, however it still did not tire me out.

This is my plight I sleep a few hours each day never fully receiving the restorative rest that I need to function. I’m consistently exhausted, depressed, frustrated and short with everyone. During the night-time some little person will escape their bed and make a request just as if its daytime. I’ve taken care of sick, scared, needy and overstimulated children. It’s exhausting. Feeding, diapering, playing, etc. is so much more than what people tell you to expect.

A woman told me a long time ago that she would take a weekend at a hotel by herself, minus the family so that she could recharge her batteries. I’m going to have to do the same thing so that I don’t just completely breakdown, because unfortunately someone will always need me. My children are young and they have many needs, however so do I require a minimum of 8 hours of sleep to feel like myself. Hindsight is 20/20. If I knew what I know now, I would have married a wealthy man who could afford a nanny because all mothers need one. There are people who will tell you that they don’t however, everybody needs some help. I know I sure do. Being on call all day is exhausting….

Depression


Depression is a thief that robs life from those afflicted. Its ability to transform a happy person into a worrier, full of sadness at a moment’s notice is downright scary. Some days I wake up with renewed energy (on those rare nights when I get to sleep) others it’s a struggle to get through the day. Schedules, household duties, family responsibilities, emotional meltdowns from an overly dramatic six-year-old or a feisty, stubborn two-year old make me just want to run into oncoming traffic screaming like a mad woman.

The enormous responsibility of being a mom and wife most days seems to overwhelm me. It’s hard to find the quiet place where you can recharge, reflect and rest. Depression is something that I’ve dealt with for several years now. It always seems to rear its head when there are enormous stresses occurring in my life. Counseling has always helped me, however what I really need is to be able to get my life back. I need my own creative space.

Creatively speaking and writing works for me, although the opportunities have been limited. Being intentional in my planning, still learning how to say “NO” (especially to my children) and being silent have helped me to cope some.

Having finally realized the dream of being published has been an amazing journey, but now it feels like I have stalled and am no longer moving, just treading water again. I like to be busy, however I appreciate having downtime. I think that’s probably my biggest struggle is managing all these other things and still having time for myself. If I physically went to an office each day and life was compartmentalized I might be in a better state of mind. Things would probably make more sense instead of how everything bleeds into each other since I work from home.

I feel like I literally run from one thing to another never fully completing anything, simply patch working at its best. I’ve got to do better and be better. My vision board is now complete. I’ve actually lost 10 lbs. toward my desired goal. Its one step at a time. I have to remember this. I’m a work in progress and depression can’t steal my joy.