Tag Archives: New Beginnings

Confidence and Confrontation


Do you have the confidence to tackle your goals, address your grievances, confront those who have hurt you or take that leap of faith? According to the dictionary, confidence is the feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities and the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust. I know how it feels to doubt yourself and your abilities. It’s easy to let the negative Nancy dialogue play out in your head, “You’re not such and so, You’ll never be as good as such and such, Who are you to try and do this, Why do you matter, Why would anyone listen to you, you’re not smart enough, You don’t fit or look like what the expectations say you should or you don’t behave like expectations say you should”. Fear has stopped and killed more dreams and desires than failure ever could. How do I confront the very thing that scares me? According to the dictionary, confrontation is a hostile or argumentative meeting or situation between opposing parties. I confront my fear by having confidence in God, myself and my resolve to accomplish a thing.

When I first published my first book, I questioned would people really want to read something written by me? Will they buy it or is it just a pity purchase? When I was asked to share my story I wondered if I could engage my audience? Will they see and hear the fear in me? So many times we worry about the exterior concerns and don’t focus on the inner strength that we possess. If we focus on God, he will lead us to where we should be.

In the last few weeks, God has shown me the power of following his will. I’ve been given the confidence to share my story, engage my audience and educate others on the very topic that I discussed. Opportunities have blossomed and my books have given me the freedom to share my love of storytelling and increase interest in books and literacy. I’ve had the good fortune to address uncomfortable and hurtful issues that have occurred and addressed people who have wronged me. It’s no simple feat. It takes guts, courage, and faith to move forward and do what God has asked of us. What are you afraid of? You are more capable than you know. Believe in yourself and believe in God. Have the confidence to confront whatever is holding you back from the greatness that you desire. Take that step God will lead you to where you want to go.

Change Your Perspective


Sometimes we have frustrations because our perceptions of how things should be did not happen.  I’m a person who has high expectations for everything and everyone around me because I behave how I want other people to respond to me, although life doesn’t work like that. Unfortunately, I’m constantly disappointed. I have an unrealistic expectation that my children should clean up and be responsible for their things, most people would say yes that’s reasonable, however, they’re four and eight so I’m always telling a little person where their stuff is or should go. So consequently I live in a state of frustration with them.

I’d like to believe that my husband can always tell what mood I’m in, unfortunately after twenty years he’s still clueless when it comes to what makes me tick or how I’m feeling and I have to remember that he’s not a mind reader, although that’d be nice. So in between kids, bills, jobs, and just stuff we have to figure it out. When things happen I know that my friends will be there, although it’d be nice to just hang out when there is nothing going on and just enjoy each other’s friendship. The same goes for family, although with my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles deaths it seems that the younger generation has grown further apart. So my current situation is that  I am producing my first play and am struggling with my expectations and trying not to be disappointed. There is much excitement, however, there is fear that somehow this won’t go well or that something will happen to screw it up and it will be all my fault. I’ve become the person who expects to be disappointed. This has developed over the years. I know this is a result of that nagging voice in my head that speaks poorly. Gotta figure out how to shut her up.

I told someone the other day that my day started off wrong and then it ended well, but I have to remember to stay in the moment and not let someone or something knock me off my square. It’s hard to be present and at peace when you’re juggling family, marriage, career and whatever else you have going on. Most days I feel like I’m running around in a circle. This year so many things have come my way another death in the family conflicts with other family members, financial struggles continue episode 10,003, health struggles and the constant feeling of am I really moving forward or just standing still.

I don’t know about you, but I desperately needed to change my perspective. I drove to the beach and sat by the water and talked to God. My spirit calmed and I was able to focus again on my goal. Remember, it’s our perceptions and expectations that disappoint us not people. I had a conversation with someone about death and how folks always say they will check in on you, but they do not. The reality is no one owes you or has to do anything for you. People become consumed with their lives and assume because you are maintaining yours you must not be struggling. However, those of us that are considered strong struggle in silence. I’ve had to tell people that I’m extremely sensitive and I know I live in my feelings a lot, although I dare not show them. Very few people will ever see me ugly cry or even get really angry and if you do that means I trust you a hell of a lot. I have this thing about keeping up appearances and having control. I know no one ever has control and it’s always about how you respond so sometimes I try to not respond and keep things cool, which, at times has made situations worse, but that’s another post.

The reality is unless I’m going to become a hermit and live on an island by myself (my personal dream is to own my own island) than I have to interact with folks. That means that although I may desire something from them they may not be able to give it me because they are not equipped or don’t want to. That can be disappointing, however, it’s a real truth and one that has to be accepted.

 

Are you a priority?


Are you a priority in your  own life? Are your responsibilities screaming at you? Does your family demand so much of your time that you feel invisible? Are you a doer? Meaning you’re the one who people come to for advice, help or whatever? Do you find yourself struggling through something and people constantly complimenting you on how strong you are?

If you answered yes to any of the above than welcome to my world. The demands can be so great on you that you feel like your head will explode. I personally understand how sometimes a person can literally feel like they’re about to burst with rage, anger and sadness. Sometimes the responsibilities, the demands, the constant need is just too much.

What I learned from my therapist is that no matter how much needs to be done, when it’s due, or even who needs it you still have to make time for yourself. Mothers, especially with young children struggle with this because of the heavy demands placed on them. The world tells Mothers that you should do everything for your kids and be happy because they are a blessing. Which is true, however sometimes the demands are so great that you can grow exhausted, become overwhelmed and develop feelings of resentment.

I no longer try to put on the mask that says that I’m happy all the time because quite frankly I’m not. I’m exhausted, overwhelmed and sometimes downright irritated because my children will not cooperate. The great thing about this is now I honor my feelings and I take a break. I make time for myself whether its going for a run/walk, taking a long hot bath uninterrupted, reading or just having a glass of wine. I matter. My time matters and its important for my family to understand that as much as I do for them I need to do for me, too.

That means that you matter, too. Take time for yourself. What do you enjoy? That question stumped me when I went back to therapy because I had stopped doing the things that once interested me because I was so focused on my family. Find out what you love and embrace it in a way that makes sense for you. Everybody’s solution will not work for everyone, although sometimes we can take nuggets and improvise on them to make them work in our world.

Take time for yourself today. You matter.

The Basis of my characters


Each and every one of the characters that I create are based on either something  that I’ve experienced, witnessed, or read about. Being a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend has given me loads to write about. In Escape to Paradise I use my experience with postpartum depression in an exaggerated way to broach the subject. In addition to postpartum depression I exaggerate the need to be everyone’s caretaker. For me this has always been one of my greatest weaknesses. I care too much for others and have paid for it with much emotional pain.

As a former caregiver to my mother and grandmother the stories, experiences and range of emotions that I can share are vast and deep. The helplessness, loneliness, exhaustion, frustration and anger are just the tip of what many caregivers experience and share. When I had my first child the feeling of being overwhelmed, full of love and absolutely terrified of everything consumed me. With Escape to Paradise I have planted these issues deep inside two main female characters and had them act out in such a way that these hurts were brought to the surface.

With the introduction of my two main male characters you get to see how they respond to the female characterizations along with dealing with their own issues and hurts. Life can be a fruitful library of ideas if you know where to look. My great-grandmother taught me the art of people watching and I must say that because of that skill I’ve been able to create some wonderful stories.

If you desire to be an Author or you are a writer try using personal experiences as a point of development in moving the story forward that you want to write. Not everything has to be true only the essence of the situation. Try it and see where it takes you. For me it took me to Escape to Paradise: Book 1 and 2.

Check out Escape to Paradise

kimberlybatchelordavis.com

 

Escape to Paradise: Book 2


A successful corporate attorney, Mia who lives in a historic and stately mansion has her life turned upside down when her sister and her family come to live with her after suffering a major financial setback. Her unemployed sister, Lisa and her husband, Marcus are struggling in an unhappy marriage along with the care of their eleven month old son, Jackson.

After struggling to keep Lisa and Marcus from destroying her home, Mia desperately needs a break and her brother, Jamal comes to her rescue. He sends her to St. Thomas where she meets William, a wealthy casino and real estate developer and sparks fly between them. William is struggling to get over being jilted at the altar in Las Vegas and unwittingly finds himself strongly attracted to Mia. Soon a bond forms between them that will test both of them and their desire for each other.

Check out my latest at http://www.kimberlybatchelordavis.com

 

 

Kimberly Batchelor Davis Mission Statement


Mission Statement

To create content that empowers, empathizes and embraces the struggles of women, writers and motherhood while fostering an environment that can celebrate, inspire and provide a safe place to discuss those issues that concern women, writers and mothers.

Why I went back to work


Why I went back to work is a question I’m asked a lot. I took a job because staying at home with my kids was not mentally engaging me. What I mean is that although I have two little chatterboxes who are very active, there is no opportunity for mental stimulation for me. No participatory conversation that stimulated my linguistic skills, challenged my thought process, or helped to keep my memory sharp. The routine of my kids was lulling me into a lazy state of ambiguity. Kids wake up, feed them, pop in a movie, read a book or play a game it was all the same to me. The monotony of it all began to wear thin on me. I love my children, but I needed something more for me.
Although I would work from home at times, it was always difficult because conference calls would hastily be moved to the bathroom for quiet and working on a computer, I had to balance a laptop and a toddler at the same time. In the beginning it seemed a viable alternative, however the stress of multi-tasking and organizing family and business in the same area just didn’t work anymore.
I found myself dreading the day and looking forward to the time when my children would be asleep. That meant I could work uninterrupted, despite the fact that I was cutting into my precious sleep time. My sleep bank grew more and more depleted each day. Between the battles to get my children to sleep and trying to accomplish my projects—I was simply spent. An outside work environment seemed to be the best option and something crossed my desk that I thought that I would be interested in. It was an industry that I was familiar with. Unfortunately, the position that I desired, I did not get, but I received another offer for another position.
I was elated that I’d be able to leave my house and have adult stimulating conversations. I convinced myself that I’d still be able to come home and give my children their much needed time. For the most part I do give them their time, however the position turned out to not be what I expected. Can you say Boring, uneventful, and totally the opposite of stimulating to say the least, nevertheless, I’m sticking it out until I finish my books and can move on to something better.
I struggle to come home, cook and entertain my family. A mother’s job is never done, no matter if she works in the home or outside of it. Mother’s wear so many hats and balance many plates. No holiday can make up for what Moms give to their families. Although most Mom’s say they just want time for themselves, I believe that’s true, however I believe that we all want a choice in what we do. There should be no pigeon holing in telling a mother to stay at home or go back to work. Whatever you decide to do, soar in your goals. Your children will thrive because you do. My children are doing well now that I’ve gone back to work and that’s a beautiful thing.

Weirdly Delicious


Academy Award Winner, Graham Moore last night spoke about his suicide attempt at the age of 16 and always feeling different. I nodded my head in acknowledgement. There were lots of head nods and clapping last night. Many people agreed with him and understood him. What I wonder is how many people have really felt rejected and misunderstood?

Now, I won’t sit here and say that I’ve been ostracized, but many times I’ve not felt acknowledged. This feeling dates back to when I was a child. I grew up in a home where children were seen and not heard. I know this is one of the reasons that I struggle as a parent. My children are seen and definitely heard. I didn’t develop my voice until I was an adult.

I was never the prettiest, nor the smartest or even the sturdiest. I was clumsy, shy and lacked confidence. I didn’t have many girl friends growing up because there was always some drama. You know get a group of women together and something’s going to get started. I always hung out with guys. Men are easy. They either liked me, not necessarily as a girlfriend, more like a little sister or they didn’t. I was always the fifth wheel when I hung out with my girl cousins. My fashion wasn’t quite right, my hair was never right. I have long hair, always have and every woman who has ever met me or been my friend has always had something negative to say about it. I learned it comes with the territory.

I’ve never been hip, it’s always like the person who tries to hard. I gave up. I don’t have swag, sex appeal or any of those things that my friends have. What I do have is a large vocabulary that I like to flex regularly. However, it always seems to escape me that I’ve missed some cultural anthem that everyone is fixated on. Words, songs, clothes, dances you name it, I’ve probably missed it.

In reality, Graham Moore is right. It’s okay to be different, to celebrate who you are through your individual expressionist means. There are those that like colorful hairstyles, tattoos or body modifications. None of that works for me because as a professional I would never be hired. However, my quirkiness is expressed through the things I care about, such as causes and issues. I’ve been ridiculed and called  a bleeding heart liberal as if it’s some sort of cancer that needs to be eradicated off the planet. Whatever, I always say. Although, its difficult to walk a lonely path, however if my heart tells me its the right one, I’d rather be alone.

As a writer I spend lots of time alone creating worlds and situations that spring forth from my brain. No one understands my passion for writing, why I love Politics the way that I do or volunteer as much as I do. Graham Moore reminded me that I am special, no matter how weird, different or lonely that I feel. It’s okay because people like us bring dimensions, color and variety to the world. To all who’ve felt odd or off there’s a place for you. Seek it out and claim your space.

Ignorance is Bliss


My mini rant for the day. Winter Break, Easter Break and snow days are tools of the devil that torment parents. Too much time, over stimulated kids, too much energy in my children all contribute to my breakdown. With the cold, snow and my to do list, it’s been hard to keep up with my kids. It’d be different, if I could send them outside to play, not, it’s too cold. Can’t go to the library, it’s closed. My to do list today is long and has two meetings on it. So what is a Momma to do? I’m throwing my arms up because no matter what I do, my children don’t listen.

Case in point, the other night I tossed and turned in numerous attempts to get some sleep. My husband slept soundly beside me. Every five minutes some little person kept shouting out Mommy to annoy me. At first it was Daddy, but Daddy ignored them and slept soundly. I on the other hand heard every sound emanating from their room. After several attempts to get them to quiet down, I gave up. There’s only so much energy that I can expend.

Last night, it was Deja Vu all I heard was the TV. Suffice it to say, I’m tired and still busy. With the weather it’s been hard to take the kids places because its been so frigid. Prayerfully, things will get better later this week. Originally, I had some things planned for the kids, however my plans didn’t work out. There are still three more days left in the week. I have to get it together. My husband says “Take it one day at a time and learn to ignore them. They’re fine.”

My girlfriend yesterday reiterated the same message. That I have to learn to ignore and get my discipline game face on. She watched me struggle with my oldest yesterday and become completely flustered by him. It wasn’t pretty, however its my reality.

My reality, my problem, I’ll have to learn how to deal with this. Maybe once I figure it out, I’ll be able to write a book disclosing all my secrets. People say how this is such a wonderful time and that I should just enjoy it. That may all be true, however no one ever talks about how difficult and frustrating being a parent can be. Ignorance is bliss when you don’t know.

The 24 hour Mama: Somebody Always Needs Me


Being a Mom is a busy job from dawn to dusk and sometimes you’re even needed during the midnight hour. I never imagined that life would be this hectic and change so much with the addition of children to our family. The difference from one child to multiple children makes an even bigger difference in how families achieve balance. From infancy adapting to a sleep schedule, feeding schedule, teaching, guiding and directing them in the ways of being happy, smart, well-adjusted people to toddler, and growing into big kids to teenagers and so on. It’s overwhelming to say the least.

Last night after proudly announcing to my family that I would retire at 12:30 (because I recently discovered Jimmy Fallon, don’t judge me. I’ve been up to my eyeballs with kids for the last six years) which is early for me. At a quarter to 5am I was awakened by the sound of my youngest son rousing from a nightmare. The tone of his cry and the intensity let me know that it was probably a night terror. I went to his room and he was not tucked into his bed. Instead he was downstairs asleep on the couch. No biggie, I thought the boys are camped out downstairs in the living room. However, to my surprise my oldest was still awake watching TV. Yes, at 5am! He’d been up all night. Daddy was fast asleep on the couch, oblivious to it all.

I ushered the boys off to bed. Now I was awake, unable to sleep, I began to clean. My husband woke up and was like what are you doing? “I’m cleaning I responded because I can’t go back to sleep,” I stayed awake for the next 2 hours doing a variety of menial tasks throughout my house. An example, I changed the battery in my bathroom clock that had stopped. I accomplished quite a bit, however it still did not tire me out.

This is my plight I sleep a few hours each day never fully receiving the restorative rest that I need to function. I’m consistently exhausted, depressed, frustrated and short with everyone. During the night-time some little person will escape their bed and make a request just as if its daytime. I’ve taken care of sick, scared, needy and overstimulated children. It’s exhausting. Feeding, diapering, playing, etc. is so much more than what people tell you to expect.

A woman told me a long time ago that she would take a weekend at a hotel by herself, minus the family so that she could recharge her batteries. I’m going to have to do the same thing so that I don’t just completely breakdown, because unfortunately someone will always need me. My children are young and they have many needs, however so do I require a minimum of 8 hours of sleep to feel like myself. Hindsight is 20/20. If I knew what I know now, I would have married a wealthy man who could afford a nanny because all mothers need one. There are people who will tell you that they don’t however, everybody needs some help. I know I sure do. Being on call all day is exhausting….