Tag Archives: depression

Escape to Paradise: Book 2

A successful corporate attorney, Mia who lives in a historic and stately mansion has her life turned upside down when her sister and her family come to live with her after suffering a major financial setback. Her unemployed sister, Lisa and her husband, Marcus are struggling in an unhappy marriage along with the care of their eleven month old son, Jackson.

After struggling to keep Lisa and Marcus from destroying her home, Mia desperately needs a break and her brother, Jamal comes to her rescue. He sends her to St. Thomas where she meets William, a wealthy casino and real estate developer and sparks fly between them. William is struggling to get over being jilted at the altar in Las Vegas and unwittingly finds himself strongly attracted to Mia. Soon a bond forms between them that will test both of them and their desire for each other.

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It’s just too much

I awoke to another black man being killed for being a threat and then later finding out it’s a mistake. When is it ever going to be enough? Waves of anger, sadness, frustration and disbelief wash over me. I want to scream and cry. Police officers scare me although I know many officers. I worry for my husband and sons when they leave home.
My oldest is only eight, however he’s always mistaken for looking older than he is and I worry will someone hurt him because of that. My youngest is 4 and still has tantrums like the Hulk-I wonder will that get him killed. My husband who is a big, black guy and would literally give you the shirt off of his back I wonder if someone will mistake him for someone else and kill him.
These thoughts plague my mind and cause constant worry. Going to the store to pick up butter almost cost my husband his life a couple of years ago because he walked outside of the grocery store and saw a kid being shot two vehicles away from ours for an attempted carjacking. I worry about my male friends who are like brothers to me. I don’t want to attend any funerals for something like that. It’s just too much!
My girlfriends who have husbands and sons I worry for them and we worry for each other. We pray and talk about what we should be doing to protect ourselves, but unfortunately what can you do when the color of your skin makes you a target?
The answer for me is I don’t know. I’m tired, frustrated and angry. Every day it’s another shooting and although I support police officers why can’t they support us? Again I don’t know the answer to this question.
I pray each day over my children and my husband. I don’t know when this will stop, but I do know that people are angry and that anger never solved anything. It only hurts those that you love along with yourself.

Kimberly Batchelor Davis Mission Statement

Mission Statement

To create content that empowers, empathizes and embraces the struggles of women, writers and motherhood while fostering an environment that can celebrate, inspire and provide a safe place to discuss those issues that concern women, writers and mothers.

Crossed the Line

What happens when you continually do for someone and they’re so ungrateful and arrogant that they forget who helped him/her? By my very nature, I’m someone who gives to other people. I don’t do it for favor, recognition or anything like that-I do it because I can. However, lately I’m reminded of how much influence I actually do have and how that helps so many people, except for me. I’m working on my own projects and pushing myself to put in as much energy as I do for others. That’s been a struggle for me that have been going on for a real long time.

I’m reminded of how people don’t value me, although when they need me they run to me with their problems. Do I continue to help them in spite of their poor behavior?
When is it ever enough? Now don’t get me wrong – I can cut someone off like there’s no tomorrow, however I’ve learned to be more measured in my tone and actions. That’s being the more mature person, but when I’m reminded of why again and again it’s like being hit in the head with a brick.

I realize some people may be stuck in their ways and have not matured personally or professionally to where they should be, but that doesn’t excuse pitiable behavior.
As people, interpersonal relationships occupy our lives completely and one of the reasons that relationships fail is because of ego. It’s defined as “Somebody’s idea of his or her own importance or worth, usually of an appropriate level.”

What do you do when someone is out of control or just out of order? I don’t know the answer to that question. Part of me says Let it go, another says ignore it and finally another part says that eventually it’ll have to be addressed. We’ll see how the latter one goes because unfortunately I don’t like conflict. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” Proverbs 18:21 KJV

When people show you who they are believe them. I’m working on remembering that so when people try to use me for my resources I can say no confidence and peace of mind.

Follow Kimberly Batchelor Davis at wwww.kimberlybatchelordavis.com.

What are you grieving?

Grief is so personal and yet, so unlike anything that someone else may experience. Each individual’s experience with grief is personal and individualized. Life is ever changing, there are good times, bad times, births, weddings and deaths. The cycle of life continues on no matter what happens. And yes, life can be hard.
Sadness, anger, and depression go hand in hand with grief. However, I feel like my experience with post-partum depression was a grieving over a purpose that felt unfulfilled. When there’s not enough sleep, too much stress or chaos I long for the days when things seemed to make sense. I knew there were meetings, goals to meet, checks to be gained and that my husband and I would be able to deconstruct our day.
Now we’re lucky between parenting, bills, work and the stresses of life to get even a minute alone. I know that this is all par for the course, however this whole parenting thing changes you and everybody around you. It’s been a rocky road for me and that’s caused me more grief than I could have ever imagined.
Some days I long for the corporate rush of back to back meetings and caffeine infusions while balancing conference calls without the added intrusion of a little person. Then I remember the sweet little boys who ply me with hugs and kisses, who curl up in my lap and need me more than I can give sometimes.
From time to time my work commitments, volunteer and writing projects take a toll. Always feeling exhausted and worn out is never a good thing, however it feels like I’m always doing something for someone, yet always feeling like I’m alone. Parenting is the irony of always being surrounded by people, yet never having the connection that you need because you’re the one always giving.
I think about the time I miss with friends, family and even my husband because it’s always about the kids. So my grief is over what feels like has been lost rather than what has been gained. To help in my coping I’m actively working each day to have a few minutes to myself and working on my future goals that I have set for myself. Grief can be a process or a state. I’m choosing to not live there and I’m encouraging anyone else who is going through grief to seek help. There’s no right or wrong way just be true to yourself no matter what anyone says.

Welcome to the zany world of Kimberly Batchelor Davis

I’m all spent out emotionally

My brother said to me a couple of weeks ago. “You’re always there for everybody else who is there for you?” I paused and acknowledged how right he was, although I think at this stage in my life I really don’t have that tight knit circle of friends that I once had. We’ve all gone in different directions in our lives. I’ve comforted people, helped people launch their dreams, given money to someone in need and opened my home to people that needed it. So what do I get for spending my energy on others? Nothing.

Don’t get me wrong I have friends, I’ve just learned that going through this phase of my life that I’m really on my own.  So I ask the question what do you do when everyone around you constantly takes from you, but gives you nothing. I’m always the listener and advice giver to whomever needs it. I’m always focused on trying to help everyone else, unfortunately I struggle to help my own self. Whenever help is needed on a project-I’m the one that everyone runs to. But I don’t necessarily run to them when I need something. I’ve been burned too many times.

My friends remind me that in 10 years I’ll be able to hang out and do all the stuff that I feel like I’m missing out on. For me though, if I feel this disconnected from people now-why reach out then. Ten years is a long time and so much has changed in the last seven years.

Although I no longer rush out to do as much for people as I used to do. I’m much more selective and attuned to what my needs are. I still struggle with saying no, however I am getting better at it.

I recently told my husband how lonely I felt as a Mom. I was exhausted, frustrated and just all out of energy. He kept asking me what’s wrong. I said you can’t fix this-there’s no pill to pop and no words of encouragement that can make me not feel the way that I do. He seemed shocked that I felt the way that I did and he said in a few years this will all work out fine.

I don’t know in a few years who knows who I’ll be or what I’ll even be doing. I know that right now I’m simply spent emotionally. I just don’t have anymore to give. I made a promise to myself that I’d take care of myself this year. So I’m going to have to learn to do things by myself, which coincidentally I did this weekend and it was fun. It was nice to be only concerned with what I needed at that moment and no one else.  It’s time for me to refocus my energies again.

You can follow Kimberly Batchelor Davis at kimberlybatchelordavis.com, Twitter@batchelordavis, FB@Kimberly Batchelor Davis.

Escape to Paradise: Book 1 and Rose and the Enchanted Seven are available at amazon.com.

Say My Name

Say my name! Some of ya’ll thought this was the beginning of a romance story. Ha! It’s not.
This is what happens when a woman has her first child and her first name disappears and turns into Mama, Mommy or some variation of it.
When I became a Mom for the first time I was elated. I relished my new moniker, Mommy, until I no longer heard my name, Kimberly mentioned anymore. Today I was reminded of this fact by another mother who reminded me how important it is to have “me time.” She said for over a year no one said her name. Now those of you who think’s that it’s not possible, let me assure you it is. For at least nine months I never heard anyone say Kim, Kimberly or Mrs. Davis. I was at home with my kids and they simply said, “Mommy something? or Mama something?”
My husband would just start talking and so there was no Hi Kim. How are you doing? Although he might say – so how was your day it was always the same for me. I’d remind him that nothing exciting had happened. It didn’t even dawn on me that no one called me by my name anymore because I was at home busy with the boys all the time.
Even my friends would say Hey Mama, how are you doing? I know people want to gush all over the kids, but remember just because I pushed a baby out of my body doesn’t mean that I don’t exist anymore. My friend also said how important it was for her to have an hour to herself everyday after she left work. She said people would tell her that she was selfish. It’s amazing how everyone can have an opinion about how a Mother is supposed to act and behave, but let a mother cry out and people tell her to get over it or say she’s not maternal. These are the same folks who criticize when a mother harms her children. “Oh what was she thinking. Why didn’t she get help?” There’s a saying. Each person is fighting a battle that we know nothing about. Remember this the next time you criticize a mother for something that you don’t understand. So to all the Mom’s in the world you do matter and are important not just because you birthed children – because you are you – an individual who cannot be duplicated. You matter. And you do have a name and it’s not always Mommy.

You can follow me on twitter@batchelordavis and FaceBook@Kimberly Batchelor Davis.

Too Busy

Why are we so busy? Why am I so busy that it feels like I can never catch my breath? Why is it that busyness has come to define a lot of folks lives. Many of my friends are always talking about how to find balance in their lives. We’ve all been told that it’s okay to say no, however what happens when your interests and passions demand so much of you? This question was posed on social media a few days ago. It made me stop and think about easy it is to be consumed by busyness.

A perfect example is Thanksgiving Day- I awoke, got the kids and myself dressed, picked up their friend and my friend. We all headed down to the annual Thanksgiving Day parade. I packed a Thermos with hot cocoa and snacks for the boys. First off, I was behind schedule, which is not unusual, however it is amplified with kids, raced in and out of traffic to get downtown to see my husband walk in the parade with his company. We had TV Zone seating. I had a few dollars on me and my bank card. Of course, parking was more than the usual fee because it was a holiday and special event. $30. I whipped out my bank card only to learn that the automated machine was down. There was $27 in my wallet. I expressed my dismay and informed the attendant that I’d have to back out despite the long line of cars because I didn’t have three dollars. The stress was building and secretly I just wanted to walk away. The attendant took pity on me and allowed us in. I gave him my $27 and said Thank You. I rushed everyone to their seats and my girlfriend turned to me and she said, “Breathe.” I told her this is why I don’t like to come out because it always seems like something is going on. The stress of making sure everyone was where we were supposed to be and had what they needed sapped all of the fun out it. Notwithstanding the fact, that my three year old decided to fall asleep in my arms because he was tired. I navigated requests for hot cocoa, snacks and blankets. I took a couple of pictures, however many of mine were taken by my girlfriend. Needless to say I watched the parade with the thought is it over? I’m tired and ready to go home.

Now as far as my community interests go there is literacy, education, mentoring and family stability. I support each of these causes through a wide variety of organizations. Meetings, events and other engagements clog my calendar. I’m not complaining at all about the personal choice that I made to be committed, however it takes more energy than it did before to complete the tasks. I recently attended a dinner with my husband and my oldest son-we had fun, but it sure was stressful trying to get there.

Recently, I was in a big box store and a woman struck up a conversation with me over a piece of furniture. She lamented how she wished her three adult sons were my sons ages again and that although she had nothing to complain about, things were very different. Her sons are all married. I nodded and said yes, I know I should be grateful, but its just so darn frustrating and tiring chasing two little boys around all day. She acknowledged my frustration and I acknowledged hers and for several minutes I allowed her an opportunity to vent. As mothers we are all faced with different struggles and challenges. At the end of the day we all want the same thing- our children to be safe and happy.

So to answer the question, why are we so busy? I think for some of us we are defined by what we do. I know that is true for me. I’m challenging myself this year to stop being so busy and just be in the moment. I want to be able to see the world through my kids eyes rather than always trying to make sure they have a perfect moment that they’ll remember.

My Applause is Enough

My applause is enough

My mantra for 2016 is “My applause is enough.”

I’ve spent the last seven years giving of myself to my children and my husband. So much change and stagnation at the same time. I went back to therapy and cried to my therapist that something was wrong with me because I didn’t enjoy motherhood. He said I was perfectly normal and that most mother’s share this feeling, although many would not publicly share it. Therein lies my problem. I have no one to share my thoughts and feelings with  because most mother’s that I know feel its improper or don’t want to share their experiences because they’ve moved on beyond that. I get it, motherhood is rough and everyone wants to act like they have it together. Great, but that doesn’t help me. I know my expectations are way off, but as my therapist asked me “What do you do for yourself?”

I paused and said I don’t do anything. I don’t even know what I like to do. I followed everybody’s advice. “It’s all about the kids. The kids come first. Help your husband to become the best that he can be.”

All good advice, unfortunately along the way I lost myself and became stagnant while everyone around me flourished and grew. So 2016 is my year to figure things out. I’m competing against myself and myself alone.

I will applaud myself even if no one else does. I’ve published two books and soon to be a third. I have accomplished quite a bit in my life and still am, despite my brief stint as a stay at home. It’s frustrating when people want to put you in a box- I will not be consigned to any one’s opinion or thought of me. Yes, I struggle as a Mom and no, I won’t apologize for saying it because someone feels its not polite conversation. I’m currently working through depression, which can be difficult without having to worry about how people perceive you. Yes, I am a bleeding heart and no, I won’t apologize for it. I care about people and I truly understand what it’s like to not have anyone there for you. I am grateful for those in my corner especially my husband, who reminded me how much I was loved despite not feeling loved while I poured my eyes out. It’s hard to see the blessings in spite of the storms when you’re in them.

2016 is going to be an interesting year. I’m in therapy and making strides toward where I want to be. Despite the fact that my life doesn’t look the way that I want it too- it will soon. Onward and upward, I say. I challenge you to make 2016 your best year yet, applaud yourself and see where that takes you. I hope to see you in 2016. Cheers!

You can find me on Twitter@batchelordavis and FB @Kimberly Batchelor Davis.