Tag Archives: Books

It’s just too much


I awoke to another black man being killed for being a threat and then later finding out it’s a mistake. When is it ever going to be enough? Waves of anger, sadness, frustration and disbelief wash over me. I want to scream and cry. Police officers scare me although I know many officers. I worry for my husband and sons when they leave home.
My oldest is only eight, however he’s always mistaken for looking older than he is and I worry will someone hurt him because of that. My youngest is 4 and still has tantrums like the Hulk-I wonder will that get him killed. My husband who is a big, black guy and would literally give you the shirt off of his back I wonder if someone will mistake him for someone else and kill him.
These thoughts plague my mind and cause constant worry. Going to the store to pick up butter almost cost my husband his life a couple of years ago because he walked outside of the grocery store and saw a kid being shot two vehicles away from ours for an attempted carjacking. I worry about my male friends who are like brothers to me. I don’t want to attend any funerals for something like that. It’s just too much!
My girlfriends who have husbands and sons I worry for them and we worry for each other. We pray and talk about what we should be doing to protect ourselves, but unfortunately what can you do when the color of your skin makes you a target?
The answer for me is I don’t know. I’m tired, frustrated and angry. Every day it’s another shooting and although I support police officers why can’t they support us? Again I don’t know the answer to this question.
I pray each day over my children and my husband. I don’t know when this will stop, but I do know that people are angry and that anger never solved anything. It only hurts those that you love along with yourself.

Kimberly Batchelor Davis Mission Statement


Mission Statement

To create content that empowers, empathizes and embraces the struggles of women, writers and motherhood while fostering an environment that can celebrate, inspire and provide a safe place to discuss those issues that concern women, writers and mothers.

Crossed the Line


What happens when you continually do for someone and they’re so ungrateful and arrogant that they forget who helped him/her? By my very nature, I’m someone who gives to other people. I don’t do it for favor, recognition or anything like that-I do it because I can. However, lately I’m reminded of how much influence I actually do have and how that helps so many people, except for me. I’m working on my own projects and pushing myself to put in as much energy as I do for others. That’s been a struggle for me that have been going on for a real long time.

I’m reminded of how people don’t value me, although when they need me they run to me with their problems. Do I continue to help them in spite of their poor behavior?
When is it ever enough? Now don’t get me wrong – I can cut someone off like there’s no tomorrow, however I’ve learned to be more measured in my tone and actions. That’s being the more mature person, but when I’m reminded of why again and again it’s like being hit in the head with a brick.

I realize some people may be stuck in their ways and have not matured personally or professionally to where they should be, but that doesn’t excuse pitiable behavior.
As people, interpersonal relationships occupy our lives completely and one of the reasons that relationships fail is because of ego. It’s defined as “Somebody’s idea of his or her own importance or worth, usually of an appropriate level.”

What do you do when someone is out of control or just out of order? I don’t know the answer to that question. Part of me says Let it go, another says ignore it and finally another part says that eventually it’ll have to be addressed. We’ll see how the latter one goes because unfortunately I don’t like conflict. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” Proverbs 18:21 KJV

When people show you who they are believe them. I’m working on remembering that so when people try to use me for my resources I can say no confidence and peace of mind.

Follow Kimberly Batchelor Davis at wwww.kimberlybatchelordavis.com.

What are you grieving?


Grief is so personal and yet, so unlike anything that someone else may experience. Each individual’s experience with grief is personal and individualized. Life is ever changing, there are good times, bad times, births, weddings and deaths. The cycle of life continues on no matter what happens. And yes, life can be hard.
Sadness, anger, and depression go hand in hand with grief. However, I feel like my experience with post-partum depression was a grieving over a purpose that felt unfulfilled. When there’s not enough sleep, too much stress or chaos I long for the days when things seemed to make sense. I knew there were meetings, goals to meet, checks to be gained and that my husband and I would be able to deconstruct our day.
Now we’re lucky between parenting, bills, work and the stresses of life to get even a minute alone. I know that this is all par for the course, however this whole parenting thing changes you and everybody around you. It’s been a rocky road for me and that’s caused me more grief than I could have ever imagined.
Some days I long for the corporate rush of back to back meetings and caffeine infusions while balancing conference calls without the added intrusion of a little person. Then I remember the sweet little boys who ply me with hugs and kisses, who curl up in my lap and need me more than I can give sometimes.
From time to time my work commitments, volunteer and writing projects take a toll. Always feeling exhausted and worn out is never a good thing, however it feels like I’m always doing something for someone, yet always feeling like I’m alone. Parenting is the irony of always being surrounded by people, yet never having the connection that you need because you’re the one always giving.
I think about the time I miss with friends, family and even my husband because it’s always about the kids. So my grief is over what feels like has been lost rather than what has been gained. To help in my coping I’m actively working each day to have a few minutes to myself and working on my future goals that I have set for myself. Grief can be a process or a state. I’m choosing to not live there and I’m encouraging anyone else who is going through grief to seek help. There’s no right or wrong way just be true to yourself no matter what anyone says.

Welcome to the zany world of Kimberly Batchelor Davis


I’m all spent out emotionally


My brother said to me a couple of weeks ago. “You’re always there for everybody else who is there for you?” I paused and acknowledged how right he was, although I think at this stage in my life I really don’t have that tight knit circle of friends that I once had. We’ve all gone in different directions in our lives. I’ve comforted people, helped people launch their dreams, given money to someone in need and opened my home to people that needed it. So what do I get for spending my energy on others? Nothing.

Don’t get me wrong I have friends, I’ve just learned that going through this phase of my life that I’m really on my own.  So I ask the question what do you do when everyone around you constantly takes from you, but gives you nothing. I’m always the listener and advice giver to whomever needs it. I’m always focused on trying to help everyone else, unfortunately I struggle to help my own self. Whenever help is needed on a project-I’m the one that everyone runs to. But I don’t necessarily run to them when I need something. I’ve been burned too many times.

My friends remind me that in 10 years I’ll be able to hang out and do all the stuff that I feel like I’m missing out on. For me though, if I feel this disconnected from people now-why reach out then. Ten years is a long time and so much has changed in the last seven years.

Although I no longer rush out to do as much for people as I used to do. I’m much more selective and attuned to what my needs are. I still struggle with saying no, however I am getting better at it.

I recently told my husband how lonely I felt as a Mom. I was exhausted, frustrated and just all out of energy. He kept asking me what’s wrong. I said you can’t fix this-there’s no pill to pop and no words of encouragement that can make me not feel the way that I do. He seemed shocked that I felt the way that I did and he said in a few years this will all work out fine.

I don’t know in a few years who knows who I’ll be or what I’ll even be doing. I know that right now I’m simply spent emotionally. I just don’t have anymore to give. I made a promise to myself that I’d take care of myself this year. So I’m going to have to learn to do things by myself, which coincidentally I did this weekend and it was fun. It was nice to be only concerned with what I needed at that moment and no one else.  It’s time for me to refocus my energies again.

You can follow Kimberly Batchelor Davis at kimberlybatchelordavis.com, Twitter@batchelordavis, FB@Kimberly Batchelor Davis.

Escape to Paradise: Book 1 and Rose and the Enchanted Seven are available at amazon.com.

Why I went back to work


Why I went back to work is a question I’m asked a lot. I took a job because staying at home with my kids was not mentally engaging me. What I mean is that although I have two little chatterboxes who are very active, there is no opportunity for mental stimulation for me. No participatory conversation that stimulated my linguistic skills, challenged my thought process, or helped to keep my memory sharp. The routine of my kids was lulling me into a lazy state of ambiguity. Kids wake up, feed them, pop in a movie, read a book or play a game it was all the same to me. The monotony of it all began to wear thin on me. I love my children, but I needed something more for me.
Although I would work from home at times, it was always difficult because conference calls would hastily be moved to the bathroom for quiet and working on a computer, I had to balance a laptop and a toddler at the same time. In the beginning it seemed a viable alternative, however the stress of multi-tasking and organizing family and business in the same area just didn’t work anymore.
I found myself dreading the day and looking forward to the time when my children would be asleep. That meant I could work uninterrupted, despite the fact that I was cutting into my precious sleep time. My sleep bank grew more and more depleted each day. Between the battles to get my children to sleep and trying to accomplish my projects—I was simply spent. An outside work environment seemed to be the best option and something crossed my desk that I thought that I would be interested in. It was an industry that I was familiar with. Unfortunately, the position that I desired, I did not get, but I received another offer for another position.
I was elated that I’d be able to leave my house and have adult stimulating conversations. I convinced myself that I’d still be able to come home and give my children their much needed time. For the most part I do give them their time, however the position turned out to not be what I expected. Can you say Boring, uneventful, and totally the opposite of stimulating to say the least, nevertheless, I’m sticking it out until I finish my books and can move on to something better.
I struggle to come home, cook and entertain my family. A mother’s job is never done, no matter if she works in the home or outside of it. Mother’s wear so many hats and balance many plates. No holiday can make up for what Moms give to their families. Although most Mom’s say they just want time for themselves, I believe that’s true, however I believe that we all want a choice in what we do. There should be no pigeon holing in telling a mother to stay at home or go back to work. Whatever you decide to do, soar in your goals. Your children will thrive because you do. My children are doing well now that I’ve gone back to work and that’s a beautiful thing.

A Mother’s Responsibility


As a mother, one of your main responsibilities is to protect your children at all costs. You teach your children manners, the difference between right and wrong, and how to be respectful of others. What do you do when the color of your child’s skin puts them in harm’s way? With the senseless shootings, violence and general racist sentiments ramping up I’m forced to confront a deep seated fear, that my child could be harmed. It will not matter that he comes from a respectable family, that he’s well mannered, Christian or any of the other self-ascriptions that I give him. He’ll simply be seen as black and dangerous.

He’s above average in height, one could describe him as a man child already at the age of 6. He’s extremely goofy. He believes that farts and belches are funny, loves super heroes and is mischievous like a normal 6 year old. He holds my hands when we cross the street and kisses me goodnight. He has no understanding of violent culture.

If people are cursing or fighting he says, “OOOOh Mommy, they said a bad word.” He’s focused on trying not to lie because he’s been taught that God does not like lying. He knows stealing is bad and that you should always ask first and say thank you. He also knows that people should keep their hands to themselves. But what happens if my child is somewhere and someone is threatened because he looks bigger and older than he really is? Add to that being black and you have a dangerous mix brewing that will eventually lead to horrible consequences for someone.

I watched the video of the pool party in Texas where the police were cursing and swearing at the black kids, “Get your asses’ home.” but the white kids were told “Get your butts home.” Now this may not seem like a big deal, but if you respect a population then you’ll treat them with a modicum of decency. This was definitely not the case in the interaction with the black kids. When the young girl is thrown to the ground and made to lay on her face while she’s in a bikini with the officer’s knees in her back, my blood boiled. What if that was my child? Where was the adult supervision? Who’s advocating for these children?

That’s my big concern in relation to this incident like so many others that we see and hear about on a daily basis. If my kid is at your house then there should be supervision. Even in the supposed gated communities stuff still happens. Remember, Trayvon Martin. An adult should’ve made sure that the kids stayed contained in a specific area. From the video, it looked like there was a lot of chaos. I’m not sure how much adult control was directed, but I do know that as a parent it is my job to protect my children as well as, any guests that may be over for a visit. Long gone are the days when a child can be dismissed to walk home alone, in some places that’s considered child neglect.

A Fla. Couple was investigated for allowing their teenage son to stay at home by himself because he was locked out. He had access to water, played basketball in his own yard, but the authorities were summoned because the young man was outside playing alone for 90 minutes. It’s absurd. What’s even more disturbing is the trend of free range parents, where children are allowed to roam to parks, playgrounds, etc. without supervision.

Each and every parent has the right to decide how to parent. But unfortunately for parents of black children our rights are limited because of the stereotypes associated with our children. I don’t have the luxury to be a free range parent. I have to know where he is and who he’s with all the time. I have to instruct my sons on behavior that although is normal for everyone, the same behavior will get them killed, wearing a hoodie, running with a group of kids or being in a car with three other boys. It saddens me that the simple joys of being silly and goofy have to be measured by surroundings and attitudes. My sons are my joy and life. No one has the right to harm them, but I have to prepare them for the day when something might happen. Although this saddens me—it is necessary so that he can survive.

Weirdly Delicious


Academy Award Winner, Graham Moore last night spoke about his suicide attempt at the age of 16 and always feeling different. I nodded my head in acknowledgement. There were lots of head nods and clapping last night. Many people agreed with him and understood him. What I wonder is how many people have really felt rejected and misunderstood?

Now, I won’t sit here and say that I’ve been ostracized, but many times I’ve not felt acknowledged. This feeling dates back to when I was a child. I grew up in a home where children were seen and not heard. I know this is one of the reasons that I struggle as a parent. My children are seen and definitely heard. I didn’t develop my voice until I was an adult.

I was never the prettiest, nor the smartest or even the sturdiest. I was clumsy, shy and lacked confidence. I didn’t have many girl friends growing up because there was always some drama. You know get a group of women together and something’s going to get started. I always hung out with guys. Men are easy. They either liked me, not necessarily as a girlfriend, more like a little sister or they didn’t. I was always the fifth wheel when I hung out with my girl cousins. My fashion wasn’t quite right, my hair was never right. I have long hair, always have and every woman who has ever met me or been my friend has always had something negative to say about it. I learned it comes with the territory.

I’ve never been hip, it’s always like the person who tries to hard. I gave up. I don’t have swag, sex appeal or any of those things that my friends have. What I do have is a large vocabulary that I like to flex regularly. However, it always seems to escape me that I’ve missed some cultural anthem that everyone is fixated on. Words, songs, clothes, dances you name it, I’ve probably missed it.

In reality, Graham Moore is right. It’s okay to be different, to celebrate who you are through your individual expressionist means. There are those that like colorful hairstyles, tattoos or body modifications. None of that works for me because as a professional I would never be hired. However, my quirkiness is expressed through the things I care about, such as causes and issues. I’ve been ridiculed and called  a bleeding heart liberal as if it’s some sort of cancer that needs to be eradicated off the planet. Whatever, I always say. Although, its difficult to walk a lonely path, however if my heart tells me its the right one, I’d rather be alone.

As a writer I spend lots of time alone creating worlds and situations that spring forth from my brain. No one understands my passion for writing, why I love Politics the way that I do or volunteer as much as I do. Graham Moore reminded me that I am special, no matter how weird, different or lonely that I feel. It’s okay because people like us bring dimensions, color and variety to the world. To all who’ve felt odd or off there’s a place for you. Seek it out and claim your space.

Ignorance is Bliss


My mini rant for the day. Winter Break, Easter Break and snow days are tools of the devil that torment parents. Too much time, over stimulated kids, too much energy in my children all contribute to my breakdown. With the cold, snow and my to do list, it’s been hard to keep up with my kids. It’d be different, if I could send them outside to play, not, it’s too cold. Can’t go to the library, it’s closed. My to do list today is long and has two meetings on it. So what is a Momma to do? I’m throwing my arms up because no matter what I do, my children don’t listen.

Case in point, the other night I tossed and turned in numerous attempts to get some sleep. My husband slept soundly beside me. Every five minutes some little person kept shouting out Mommy to annoy me. At first it was Daddy, but Daddy ignored them and slept soundly. I on the other hand heard every sound emanating from their room. After several attempts to get them to quiet down, I gave up. There’s only so much energy that I can expend.

Last night, it was Deja Vu all I heard was the TV. Suffice it to say, I’m tired and still busy. With the weather it’s been hard to take the kids places because its been so frigid. Prayerfully, things will get better later this week. Originally, I had some things planned for the kids, however my plans didn’t work out. There are still three more days left in the week. I have to get it together. My husband says “Take it one day at a time and learn to ignore them. They’re fine.”

My girlfriend yesterday reiterated the same message. That I have to learn to ignore and get my discipline game face on. She watched me struggle with my oldest yesterday and become completely flustered by him. It wasn’t pretty, however its my reality.

My reality, my problem, I’ll have to learn how to deal with this. Maybe once I figure it out, I’ll be able to write a book disclosing all my secrets. People say how this is such a wonderful time and that I should just enjoy it. That may all be true, however no one ever talks about how difficult and frustrating being a parent can be. Ignorance is bliss when you don’t know.