WHere is your Joy?

I don’t know about you, but it has been a struggle for me to find my joy. The pandemic and isolation has pushed me to the edge, although I’m changing my tune. I can no longer give the pandemic the energy that it has robbed me of; I must take my power back. I want to feel hope and joy again. “Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.” Marianne Williamson

Do you recognize the good things in your life? If I’m being honest it’s a lot easier to complain about what you don’t have rather than be grateful for the things that you do have. Sometimes in life we get so busy trying to acquire, accomplish, or achieve a goal that we lose sight of our blessings and what’s really important.

Only you can determine what’s important to you, different people equals different blessings. There is no right or wrong to determine what’s important. Most people will state their family, children, spouse, job, relationship with Christ are what matters to them. You may agree or disagree, it’s okay. What is important is that you identify what matters to you. My children, my husband, my friends, my gifts and my relationship with God are all things that I value. Honestly for me, I’m learning that my joy is important. The way that I view myself and what I enjoy doing are all part of that equation.

Identify what brings you joy, it is important. Don’t listen to the naysayers who state that you’re being selfish. You are not. It is vitally important to your mental well-being.

change-your-mindset.edited

(1619-2020) I’m Tired

For the last few weeks, it’s been wall to wall coverage of Ahmaud Arberry’s murder on film, COVID – 19, the nation under quarantine, the senseless murder of Breonna Taylor due to a no-knock warrant, and the excruciating video of George Floyd’s death by a white police officer. I’m tired it is exhausting trying to make sense of everything that is happening and at the same time protecting my mental well being. Besides, I have two sons, a husband that I constantly worry about. Never mind the fact that my non-black friends have discussed their feelings and concerns and again it’s exhausting trying to explain why things are the way they are. 

Deep into the quarantine, I was struggling with remote learning for my kids and the devastating numbers of Covid-19’s impact on the Black community and then I saw the video of Ahmaud Arberry being hunted down like a dog and shot and killed by two racists while another cowardly racist filmed the whole encounter. Rage, anger, frustration, and fear filled me. Fear not for me, but my children. I was worried an experience in Grosse Pointe would become more common. My friend lives in Grosse Pointe and when the weather permits we go to the marina and hang out by the pool. A couple of years ago, we visited the marina and changed clothes in the locker room. There’s a sign that instructs all visitors to shower before you enter the pool. My husband described the incident where my husband said he had our oldest son take a shower before he and the boys joined us in the pool. Keep in mind we all had taken a shower before we left home. Afterward, another boy attempted to take a shower, however, he was interrupted by his father who proceeded to spray the shower down as if my son had a disease. His disease was being black. Unfortunately, this is the norm for many African-Americans when we enter majority-white spaces. Normally, I would have said I’m not going to worry about a dumb racist, although current events have made me more concerned. I have boys and I worry about what happens if I allow them to go into a locker room or bathroom by themselves. Will someone harm them or try and intimidate them because they are black? The answer is quite frankly, I don’t know.

A few weeks later, Breonna Taylor was murdered in her own home because of a no-knock warrant. Again rage, anger, and frustration filled me. My grandmother before she died was served a no-knock warrant on her residence by Detroit Police. Was she a drug dealer? No, it was the wrong address! She had lived in her house for over fifty years and what was once a working-class neighborhood had been devastated by drugs and crime. My grandmother’s well-manicured house stood out against the other two houses on her side of the block. Across the street was wide open vacant land. Like clockwork, my elderly grandmother was watching her stories (soap operas) when she heard something. She got up and walked to her dining room which sat outside of the door to the foyer, which led to the front door. As she entered the dining room, police officers dressed in full armor and tactical gear with guns drawn burst into her house and forced her to sit down after they broke down her door with a battering ram. 

At the time, my job required me to travel a lot and I wasn’t in town when the incident occurred. Upon my return, I called my grandmother to check-in to see how she was doing and she informed me of what happened. I hit the roof. I was pissed. How dare the police scare my grandmother like that especially since she had survived two strokes and a bout with cancer? She was a tax-paying, law-abiding citizen. To add insult to injury the house that should’ve been raided was next door and the entire family had complained for years about this eyesore. Moreover, they left her door damaged without repair. I called some friends in our local government to make inquiries as to how I would get justice for my grandmother. Afterward, I received a call from a Deputy Officer who apologized profusely, vowed to correct my grandmother’s wood door and her security door, and promised an investigation. At the end of the day my grandma’s doors were fixed and the report that was given to me said that the department would stand by the warrant because the informant had purchased drugs and said he lived at my grandmother’s house. So for all the great police work that is often seen this was bungled because this guy never lived at my grandmother’s and while resources, manpower, and hours were wasted searching my grandmother’s house and nothing was found, the perpetrators got to see Detroit’s finest at work. If you research warrants and raids you will learn what I learned is that too many times police arrive at the wrong house because a number is reversed or a street name is spelled wrong. Breonna deserves justice especially since the guy that they were looking for was already in custody and did not live at her address. 

If you believe that I’m being harsh on law enforcement let me clarify something for you. I have a very close friend who is a former cop, a cousin who is a DPD officer, and my father worked at the Sheriff’s department, later he would graduate from law school and represent Walter Budzyn, a police officer in Detroit’s infamous Malice Green trial. I know all too well as I listened and watched my father during that case discuss the blue wall and police brutality. I’m tired. 

My parents raised me like so many other African-American kids. We were instructed that we had to do well, work twice as hard as everyone else, get an education, remember whose child I am and I better not embarrass my family by doing something stupid or criminal. There was no tolerance for that. We traveled and I had all kinds of wonderful experiences that helped mold me into the person that I am today, yet it seems like it’s still not enough. I can tell you how I had to fight for my reputation at a national non-profit agency that made accusations against me along the lines of race and when my non-black friend was given a memo which instructed her to not be my friend because I was black. I’m tired and yes, that same non-black individual is still my friend to this day. My degree, the boards that I serve on, my morals, my Christianity and my ability to write books and tell stories does not protect me from my country’s racism. 

The murder of George Floyd encapsulated all of my feelings, rage, anger, frustration, and sadness. Eight minutes and forty–six seconds of murder live on television, yet let’s not forget that ‘45 while campaigning to be president said he could kill a person live on television in the middle of New York City and no one would do anything. I hope the protests show him that he was wrong. If a black cop did that to a white man he would have been shot dead. Now it’s all about tearing down George Floyd and building a case that justifies murdering him in the street the way that the police did. My father always said to me everyone deserves to have their day in court and to be heard by their peers. George Floyd will never get that day in court. 

America is changing and it’s sad to see how many racist people are all around this country. How many people are fine with what happened and are openly trying to justify it, yet, I feel sorry for them because one of their own, a white seventy-five-year-old man was brutally knocked down and now conspiracy theorists are spinning tales to absolve themselves of basic compassion for their fellow human. The writing is on the wall and it’s in full view for everyone to see. The way that law enforcement polices us (meaning all Americans, not just Black people, but especially Black People) in this country has to change. I’m not sure what’s next, however, I do know that nationally and globally people have come together in a way that only God could bring them together. Yes, there are rioters and looters. There will always be opportunists, however, God is gathering his people together, “His winnowing fork is in His hand, and He will thoroughly clear His threshing floor, and He will gather His wheat into the barn, but He will burn up the chaff with unquenchable fire.” Matthew 3:12 

Destruction is coming for those who do wrong. We see it every time a racist is revealed. They lose their contracts or business. Proverbs 22:2 “The rich and the poor have a common bond, The Lord is the maker of them all.”

Proverbs 22:22-23 Do not rob the poor because he is poor, Or crush the afflicted at the gate; 23For the Lord will plead their case And take the life of those who rob them.

Let’s come together, fight for what’s right, and vote. Use your voice it’s your greatest weapon. 

From Feeling Disconnected to Peace of Purpose

Feeling disconnected?  Check. Feeling Overwhelmed? Check. Feeling anxious? Check. Feeling Hopeless?  Check. We’re approaching week four of the pandemic and a lot of people that I talk to are feeling one or more of the above ways. The uncertainty is palpable and the unknown is just that, it is unknown. No one knows when “normal” will resume or if it ever can.

Danger lurks around every populated corner. The mere thought of being around people brings on anxiety and fear. The battle with Covid-19 reminds me of the tragic Greek figure, Sisyphus. He was forced to push a stone up a hill only to have it descend as he got close to the top. That’s the battle with not only the pandemic, but it’s also the challenge of remote learning, managing day to day stress and household activities and tasks along with work while staying connected to loved ones. We’re always trying to get to the top, but never quite making. It feels as if we make progress, yet we have to start all over again.

It’s a lot to deal with and even amidst all that is going on or not going on, there is still peace to be found in all of it. What is peace? Is it when everything is going well or all of your boxes line up? No, peace is something that happens on the inside of us. It’s the calm in our spirit even when the kids are going bonkers in the house or the work projects keep multiplying, and even when the number of who has died continues to increase. Peace is stillness and calm within us, “And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Phillippians 4:7

The world tells us that we need to be plugged in and connected all the time, which takes us away from the things that truly matter, God, family, friends, and using our talents, skills, and gifts for the betterment of others. Right now, we have the opportunity to slow down and reconnect. I have a friend who is a hairstylist and also she is trained in fashion design. Mia can sew anything and she took that skill and turned it into a new business, making masks. Now because of Covid-19 and the Governor urging people to wear masks now hers are in high demand. Another community organizer that I know is organizing people online and using technology to effectively engage and reach people.  Zoom calls have become the new way to meet and communicate. It’s also become a great way to create online social media content.

Now the new concern is that there are no breaks or separation from work. We’re always connected. This is how the world operates. We’re pushed from one thing to another. We have to be intentional in silencing the noise and being mindful. This is the opportunity where we just stop and be quiet for a moment, even if it’s only for sixty seconds. It’s a moment to stop and reassess what is happening and adjust ourselves.  Don’t get caught up in the wave of apprehension with what is happening with the pandemic. Focus on the moment, connect with God and open your bible. Listen to what God is trying to tell us and settle into his peace of purpose.

Gratitude in Times of Trouble, The Kim B. Davis Show, Episode 1. part 1 (Transcription)

The Kim B. Davis Show

Gratitude in Times of Trouble

A Talk with A.M. May & Associates, Inc.

Part One

KBD:  Welcome to the Kim B. Davis Show! We are talking today with Dr. Angela Celeste May and Michelle May of A.M. May & Associates, a coaching and consulting organization offering customized transformative growth strategies for individuals and organizations. Angela and Michelle are sisters who are both also professional musicians with their own bands.

How are you both today?

MM:  Fantastic. Thanks for having me.

ACM:  Really happy to be here today.

KBD:  Great! We are in the midst of a crisis and I wanted to talk about some of the things that you guys talk about, which is not falling prey to anxiety and depression. Can you give a definition on anxiety and depression and talk about how do we turn negativity into positivity? Many people are feeling depressed, anxious and apprehensive and they’re making bad decisions. I want to talk about hope. Even though we are in quarantine, we are safe at home. We have all the things that make us comfortable. But the one thing we don’t have is human touch. Many of us miss our friends and family but we can touch them with electronic devices, cell phones, but how do we take care of ourselves?

ACM:  I’ll jump in and start. I’m a clinical organizational and forensic psychologist with a Ph.D. in Clinical Organizational Psychology. So, I deal with behavior from a lot of different perspectives. My own definition. I would say depression is more than feeling a little down sometimes, it’s when tangible sadness tends to follow you no matter what you do. It can be a little bit or become a lot of sadness. So that’s a quick simple way to think of depression, a pervasive “down-ness” no matter what you do. And the anxiety can feel like nervousness, even when you don’t have a specific reason. You’re in your home and feel a nervousness and you quite can’t figure out why. I would say one of the first important things to do is try to practice thankfulness. I do find that depression in particular, a lot of the time it grows because of our self-talk. And in this particular time of the pandemic, a lot of the anxiety is because we feel like we don’t have control. I would say the first place to start is “What can I do to take back feelings of powerless?” and find positive things you can do, and just like you said, Kim, say, “I’m safe, I have a home, etc.” As our grandma used to say, “You can’t be depressed and thankful at the same time.” [laughs]

MM:  Amen! Amen! So I’ll jump in here, too. What I would say is, the sense of control is definitely what I find in depression and nervousness. There’s something there intangible you can’t see that’s making you feel this way. One of the things I talk to my clients about and my students that helps is that you’re not completely out of control. There are many things right in your purview that you can control. Many times—and I was actually experiencing  this a couple of days ago—I was talking to Angie when all of a sudden I started to feel a little bit like I couldn’t breathe. She said, “Sometimes when you’re excited, it mimics anxiety.” We talked about meditation, stopping for a minute, sitting down and just putting your mind and mindfulness on that breathing. Sometimes you just need to stop and just do that. There is a popular method, the 54321 method and how it works is that you look at things, you can see things, you can feel things. Ask the person having anxiety: “What are 5 things that you can see and stop for a minute. Then, “Name 4 things that you can touch, 3 things you can hear right now, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.” Gratefulness…Angie and I always talk about that. You can feel those things and it helps to quell that in the moment.

KBD:  Those are some great tips. So, we’re all quarantined in our homes, you have married couples. What do you advise people to do if someone in your home is feeling anxious? Access to control and not being able to go places?

ACM:  There are things that family members can do for each other before even reaching out for help. You know how we say don’t overexplain when talking to kids? You know how we create a whole book about how we’re going to explain things to Junior and all Junior wanted to know was something simple right quick? [laughs] I think that we should do the same with each other as adults. First, just ask. Give them room to talk about what may be bothering them. Is it about being quarantined together or some aspect of that, or maybe it has nothing to do with that. Ask and listen. That might be healing, just knowing that someone is listening. It’s loving, it’s supportive. We’ve all experienced this. I’m sure you have as well. You know how it is when you start to talk? You may get a little insight just from having room to talk. That’s what I think of as a first step.

MM:  I would definitely agree with that. Just be reassuring and not judgmental. There’s going to be a lot of stress an depression and anxiety within the household because we are not in our routines. Especially with our young ones, they’re used to certain things at certain times. You’re falling into your own routines and how you handle stress. You want to just have them sit down and be quiet, but that‘s not always going to happen with kids. Allow space for feelings to happen. As Angie said, an act of reassurance. Also, don’t feel like you have to fix everything right away. Just allow them to “be” for a minute, for anybody in the family to just say, “Yes, you’re right, you should be upset.”

ACM:  Michelle makes a good point. The judging part is easy to do. Some may handle this differently. Some may find this difficult, some may let it roll off their back and say, “Okay, we’ll just make adjustments.” So it can be easy sometimes for loved ones to look at the person who is more stressed about the situation to say, “What’s wrong with you?” So we want to give room for everyone to handle things a little differently based on everyone’s experiences.

KBD:  Absolutely. Those are some great points. And speaking as a mother, the whole needing quiet, oh my goodness! We have two dogs and I’m like [yells and laughter]. So some of the things you traditionally do, like go to the bathroom, everybody needs that space. Can you talk a little about what you suggest? I know you mentioned mindfulness. When people hear that, it feels like too much when you tell them to meditate or be mindful, they feel like it’s too much.

MM:  I try as much as possible to normalize whatever someone does. In other words, “You meditate, that’s fine.” It’s not some formal thing where you need yoga pants or a singing bowl.

At this point I’m going to also address how we’re all kind of being caregivers on steroids right now. Self-care is very important. You need your own boundaries. You have to tell everyone in the family I’m going to bed. The house is on fire, you don’t talk for a while. It’s important that no matter what—”I will spend a minute with my Bible or my music” or whatever that may be. The other thing too is there may be people who live in a small apartment. You can go out with social distancing, the park…spaces you can make. These are conversations, something the quarantine I think has helped—family conversations. So that’s one big thing, setting up routines.

ACM:  I totally agree. I was going to say it in terms of it’s kind of like going to a new job. The routine is different, like Michelle said. Don’t just expect that because we’re family we’re going to fall magically into this. It’s like with a new school, that took planning and discussion like, “Who’s going to take Junior?” so Michelle is absolutely right. For everyone in the house, as a family together, what do we need to do now for the next few weeks, what’s this going to look like? Also, in terms of getting outside, that’s so important anyway. And what that brings to mind for me is, some of these things we’re being challenged with—it is an odd situation obviously—are some of these conversations we were needing to have anyway.  We’re kind of meeting each other and can’t escape [laughs]. That’s a way of looking at this as another opportunity. We’re safe at home, these are opportunities to bring us that much closer. A better understanding of how each of us works, what we need and this can actually strengthen those bonds as a result.

KBD:  Those are things that mothers, fathers, grandmas, whoever it is taking care of kids and each other, that’s we absolutely need. Before we go on break, I want a tip that you use yourself. When that negative thought or that self-thought hits you, because we all have them and we sometimes struggle with it. What is a tip that you can share?

MM:  Well for me because I’m a Christian, I immediately stop and say, you know, this panicked feeling is not from “that”— it’s from some distorted thing you think about yourself, and that really kind of brings me back. It definitely does because there’s been so many blessings in our family and our life. My grandma taught us too is that When you start feeling sorry for yourself, start praying for somebody else. Really for me, it’s just stopping and realizing it’s not real. It’s not real. it’s just something to get me off my square. I even see that as a blessing, to turn a negative into a positive. It causes me to practice what I preach in terms of practicing my own self-care. If I’m teaching my clients and my students how to handle those moments, I have to do that with myself also. I’m home, I’ve got things to look forward to, I have a loving family, goals, that really shuts it all pretty much down. And I have Angie, she gets me straight [laughs], “What is wrong with you? You have no reason…” It works, it definitely works.

ACM:  It was modeled for us, you know, our family. My mom, my great-aunt, my dad, they were always about you blessing your own by blessing somebody else. So they were about seeing about somebody else and how that really shows you how blessed you are. I know for myself, I work a lot from home. It’s not quite so unusual for me as I know it is for many people who are used to leaving the home. Some parts of this might make people feel like, “When is this going to be over?” When that thought comes, there are two things I’d do. The first thing is: Don’t spend time with it. The ruminating, the dwelling, I think is a slippery slope. The second step is to go right to those things Michelle said. The blessings, the positives, and think of doing something that you enjoy doing. Go outside and take a walk, or watch that show. Just go right to something that you enjoy doing.

KBD:  Absolutely! Thank you both so very much for your helpful tips! And thank you all for listening. Always remember to Be Magnificent!

© 2020 The Batchelor Davis Group

Gratitude in Times of Trouble, The Kim B. Davis Show, Episode 1. part 1 (Transcription)

The Kim B. Davis Show

Gratitude in Times of Trouble

A Talk with A.M. May & Associates, Inc.

Part One

KBD:  Welcome to the Kim B. Davis Show! We are talking today with Dr. Angela Celeste May and Michelle May of A.M. May & Associates, a coaching and consulting organization offering customized transformative growth strategies for individuals and organizations. Angela and Michelle are sisters who are both also professional musicians with their own bands.

How are you both today?

MM:  Fantastic. Thanks for having me.

ACM:  Really happy to be here today.

KBD:  Great! We are in the midst of a crisis and I wanted to talk about some of the things that you guys talk about, which is not falling prey to anxiety and depression. Can you give a definition on anxiety and depression and talk about how do we turn negativity into positivity? Many people are feeling depressed, anxious and apprehensive and they’re making bad decisions. I want to talk about hope. Even though we are in quarantine, we are safe at home. We have all the things that make us comfortable. But the one thing we don’t have is human touch. Many of us miss our friends and family but we can touch them with electronic devices, cell phones, but how do we take care of ourselves?

ACM:  I’ll jump in and start. I’m a clinical organizational and forensic psychologist with a Ph.D. in Clinical Organizational Psychology. So, I deal with behavior from a lot of different perspectives. My own definition. I would say depression is more than feeling a little down sometimes, it’s when tangible sadness tends to follow you no matter what you do. It can be a little bit or become a lot of sadness. So that’s a quick simple way to think of depression, a pervasive “down-ness” no matter what you do. And the anxiety can feel like nervousness, even when you don’t have a specific reason. You’re in your home and feel a nervousness and you quite can’t figure out why. I would say one of the first important things to do is try to practice thankfulness. I do find that depression in particular, a lot of the time it grows because of our self-talk. And in this particular time of the pandemic, a lot of the anxiety is because we feel like we don’t have control. I would say the first place to start is “What can I do to take back feelings of powerless?” and find positive things you can do, and just like you said, Kim, say, “I’m safe, I have a home, etc.” As our grandma used to say, “You can’t be depressed and thankful at the same time.” [laughs]

MM:  Amen! Amen! So I’ll jump in here, too. What I would say is, the sense of control is definitely what I find in depression and nervousness. There’s something there intangible you can’t see that’s making you feel this way. One of the things I talk to my clients about and my students that helps is that you’re not completely out of control. There are many things right in your purview that you can control. Many times—and I was actually experiencing  this a couple of days ago—I was talking to Angie when all of a sudden I started to feel a little bit like I couldn’t breathe. She said, “Sometimes when you’re excited, it mimics anxiety.” We talked about meditation, stopping for a minute, sitting down and just putting your mind and mindfulness on that breathing. Sometimes you just need to stop and just do that. There is a popular method, the 54321 method and how it works is that you look at things, you can see things, you can feel things. Ask the person having anxiety: “What are 5 things that you can see and stop for a minute. Then, “Name 4 things that you can touch, 3 things you can hear right now, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.” Gratefulness…Angie and I always talk about that. You can feel those things and it helps to quell that in the moment.

KBD:  Those are some great tips. So, we’re all quarantined in our homes, you have married couples. What do you advise people to do if someone in your home is feeling anxious? Access to control and not being able to go places?

ACM:  There are things that family members can do for each other before even reaching out for help. You know how we say don’t overexplain when talking to kids? You know how we create a whole book about how we’re going to explain things to Junior and all Junior wanted to know was something simple right quick? [laughs] I think that we should do the same with each other as adults. First, just ask. Give them room to talk about what may be bothering them. Is it about being quarantined together or some aspect of that, or maybe it has nothing to do with that. Ask and listen. That might be healing, just knowing that someone is listening. It’s loving, it’s supportive. We’ve all experienced this. I’m sure you have as well. You know how it is when you start to talk? You may get a little insight just from having room to talk. That’s what I think of as a first step.

MM:  I would definitely agree with that. Just be reassuring and not judgmental. There’s going to be a lot of stress an depression and anxiety within the household because we are not in our routines. Especially with our young ones, they’re used to certain things at certain times. You’re falling into your own routines and how you handle stress. You want to just have them sit down and be quiet, but that‘s not always going to happen with kids. Allow space for feelings to happen. As Angie said, an act of reassurance. Also, don’t feel like you have to fix everything right away. Just allow them to “be” for a minute, for anybody in the family to just say, “Yes, you’re right, you should be upset.”

ACM:  Michelle makes a good point. The judging part is easy to do. Some may handle this differently. Some may find this difficult, some may let it roll off their back and say, “Okay, we’ll just make adjustments.” So it can be easy sometimes for loved ones to look at the person who is more stressed about the situation to say, “What’s wrong with you?” So we want to give room for everyone to handle things a little differently based on everyone’s experiences.

KBD:  Absolutely. Those are some great points. And speaking as a mother, the whole needing quiet, oh my goodness! We have two dogs and I’m like [yells and laughter]. So some of the things you traditionally do, like go to the bathroom, everybody needs that space. Can you talk a little about what you suggest? I know you mentioned mindfulness. When people hear that, it feels like too much when you tell them to meditate or be mindful, they feel like it’s too much.

MM:  I try as much as possible to normalize whatever someone does. In other words, “You meditate, that’s fine.” It’s not some formal thing where you need yoga pants or a singing bowl.

At this point I’m going to also address how we’re all kind of being caregivers on steroids right now. Self-care is very important. You need your own boundaries. You have to tell everyone in the family I’m going to bed. The house is on fire, you don’t talk for a while. It’s important that no matter what—”I will spend a minute with my Bible or my music” or whatever that may be. The other thing too is there may be people who live in a small apartment. You can go out with social distancing, the park…spaces you can make. These are conversations, something the quarantine I think has helped—family conversations. So that’s one big thing, setting up routines.

ACM:  I totally agree. I was going to say it in terms of it’s kind of like going to a new job. The routine is different, like Michelle said. Don’t just expect that because we’re family we’re going to fall magically into this. It’s like with a new school, that took planning and discussion like, “Who’s going to take Junior?” so Michelle is absolutely right. For everyone in the house, as a family together, what do we need to do now for the next few weeks, what’s this going to look like? Also, in terms of getting outside, that’s so important anyway. And what that brings to mind for me is, some of these things we’re being challenged with—it is an odd situation obviously—are some of these conversations we were needing to have anyway.  We’re kind of meeting each other and can’t escape [laughs]. That’s a way of looking at this as another opportunity. We’re safe at home, these are opportunities to bring us that much closer. A better understanding of how each of us works, what we need and this can actually strengthen those bonds as a result.

KBD:  Those are things that mothers, fathers, grandmas, whoever it is taking care of kids and each other, that’s we absolutely need. Before we go on break, I want a tip that you use yourself. When that negative thought or that self-thought hits you, because we all have them and we sometimes struggle with it. What is a tip that you can share?

MM:  Well for me because I’m a Christian, I immediately stop and say, you know, this panicked feeling is not from “that”— it’s from some distorted thing you think about yourself, and that really kind of brings me back. It definitely does because there’s been so many blessings in our family and our life. My grandma taught us too is that When you start feeling sorry for yourself, start praying for somebody else. Really for me, it’s just stopping and realizing it’s not real. It’s not real. it’s just something to get me off my square. I even see that as a blessing, to turn a negative into a positive. It causes me to practice what I preach in terms of practicing my own self-care. If I’m teaching my clients and my students how to handle those moments, I have to do that with myself also. I’m home, I’ve got things to look forward to, I have a loving family, goals, that really shuts it all pretty much down. And I have Angie, she gets me straight [laughs], “What is wrong with you? You have no reason…” It works, it definitely works.

ACM:  It was modeled for us, you know, our family. My mom, my great-aunt, my dad, they were always about you blessing your own by blessing somebody else. So they were about seeing about somebody else and how that really shows you how blessed you are. I know for myself, I work a lot from home. It’s not quite so unusual for me as I know it is for many people who are used to leaving the home. Some parts of this might make people feel like, “When is this going to be over?” When that thought comes, there are two things I’d do. The first thing is: Don’t spend time with it. The ruminating, the dwelling, I think is a slippery slope. The second step is to go right to those things Michelle said. The blessings, the positives, and think of doing something that you enjoy doing. Go outside and take a walk, or watch that show. Just go right to something that you enjoy doing.

KBD:  Absolutely! Thank you both so very much for your helpful tips! And thank you all for listening. Always remember to Be Magnificent!

© 2020 The Batchelor Davis Group

Pandemic: Anxiety, Depression, and Purpose

We are officially in a pandemic and the world is gripped in fear, yet filled with positivity despite this tiny microcosm that has captivated all of us. Over a million cases of the virus have been reported from around the planet. In the United States, we are watching with trepidation as the numbers climb and although we are practicing social distancing and staying home, people are still coming down with the illness. The virus is difficult at best to treat because of age, underlying conditions, and the overall health status of individuals.

This has caused a great deal of anxiety and pushed people into depression. Although social distancing is what aids in lessening the ability for the virus to spread, it also harms us in reaching out to others. We’re unable to hug one another or have close contact, however with the aid of technology, we can video chat, stream movies together and have dance parties that can alleviate our feeling isolated. To fight through depression, we have to be creative in reaching out to others. Moreover, we have to be intentional in checking on others. Depression is an insidious condition, which makes people retreat inside themselves, twists their thoughts and takes people to a dark place. This new behavior is the exact opposite of what people need to be healthy and whole. Unfortunately, for people who have lost loved ones, funerals are a lonely prospect where one has to grieve alone. Besides, weddings, which are jubilant celebrations, are pared down to just immediate family, if appropriate and the happy couple; also births have become solo ventures as well because of the fear of the coronavirus.

Rules, regulations and general norms it is so much to remember it can overwhelm anyone; however, we have to remember that we are safe at home surrounded by all of our creature comforts. We are safe, we are loved, we are happy and God is still in control. Greater than everything is that we all are at peace; yes, there is fear and frustration over finances, dread over the spread of the virus, and alarm over what the future may hold because so much of it is unknown. It’s all understandable and real. However, I choose to remember Psalms 29:11 “The Lord will give strength to his people; The Lord will bless his people with peace.”

I know that my strength and peace comes from God, nowhere else. It can’t be found in material things, money or people. It’s found in God and keeping my focus on things above and not below, which means focusing on Godly principals, like doing good unto others, studying the word and using my skills and talents for God’s people. It is not to say that I can’t pursue my desires, they should be aligned with what God says. Money is not the big bad that everyone says, it is the pursuit of it at the cost of your fellow man that is. For me, my purpose is to build awareness around depression, mental health, and storytelling. Even amidst the pandemic my writing and communication skills allow me to still share hope about the battle with depression.

Psalms 16:11 “You will make known to me the path of life; In your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.” Indeed peace is found in God, when we remember what’s truly important, our faith, family and friends. May you continue to be safe and have good health.

Pandemic Fear…

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Covid-19 is causing lots of people to act irrationally. The act of preparedness is at an all-time high. People are buying stacks of toilet paper, bleach, food, and ammunition. This situation is surreal. It feels like we’re in an apocalyptic movie or my husband’s favorite show, the Walking Dead, which, I am unable to watch because it gives me nightmares right now. Suffice it to say my anxiety is running high.

I’ve tried turning off the news and unplugging from social media, however, the need to be informed keeps drawing me back. As I write this, Love Struck Café’, which is a Hallmark movie that I like is currently playing. I’ve been very intentional in watching programming that uplifts me rather than brings me down. A constant diet of watching the news with its constant reporting of doom and gloom can be rather unsettling. A shutdown is inevitable yet, so many people it seems didn’t seem to think it was possible. Two weeks ago, I would’ve thought the same thing, however, once the schools closed, I knew it was inevitable. Unfortunately, in order to stop the virus from spreading, society has to distance itself from each other. For the extrovert in me, the idea is maddening.

The atmosphere of panic is intense and palpable. Grocery Stores and pharmacy shelves are bare. Restaurants, bars and other public places of entertainment and escape are closing including churches. What will we do for fun? How about read a book or catch up on all the Netflix programming. There are so many shows it’d probably take us a year to get caught up. How will we worship? How about cracking open our bibles and bible apps and spending time in quiet study of the word in the presence of God. Who are these people that I live with? Hey maybe that’s your family or your spouse, partner, etc., however, you may identify. Guess what! You are going to have to communicate. Interestingly, we’ll all have to have one on one conversations with the people closest to us. Honestly, I think that’s what scares people more than anything.

I’ll be frank the virus is scary, but, what scares me more than anything is the people that will panic and act out violently. Also, if I’m brutally candid the sheer amount of callous, greed, and self-centered behavior in policies designed to help people is utterly preposterous. As a Christian, I know that God is in control, yet, I also know that the devil is busy. This is where I must lean on my faith and trust that God will provide a way and keep us safe during this difficult time.

I encourage each of you who is reading this to do what you need to do to make sure that you take care of your mental health. Eat your vegetables, take your vitamins, drink water, stay hydrated, get lots of rest, and pray. Take this time to work on a home project or simply slow down. Let’s not let fear overtake us. Step up to Faith and watch God work. Remember, this too shall pass.

Reset your Spirit

Happy New Year, it’s 2020! Let’s walk boldly into this new year, this next decade wrapped in the faith of our God, confident and courageous in who we are. Who we were created to be is not some mistake or fluke, we are a necessity. We matter and have a voice and a purpose.

Last year my word for the year was courage. This year my word for 2020 is peace. It is all about the peace that comes from God, which not only brings me inner peace but joy and satisfaction with who I am in addition to happiness. Psalms 31:3 “For you are my rock and my fortress” which means that God is my foundation, my shelter, and my protection. A foundation supports you and keeps you balanced through everything that comes at you in life.

Life can be hard, disappointing, yet it can also be happy and joyful. It depends upon your perspective and how you view God’s role in your life. No matter what happens, I believe that God will always be with me. Whether I’m trying to be more healthy by exercising and eating better, launching a new creative project, managing my responsibilities with my children and my husband, and even trying to be a better me in Christ with God at the helm of my life, I can maneuver through life with an ease in my spirit that I would not have if it weren’t for the blessings of God and his peace.

In 2019, my word was courage and God gave me the drive to see some things through that I had put off because I was afraid. Number one on that list was going back to school. As a wife and mother the challenge of going back to school while caring for children seemed daunting yet, I was able to not only do it but, I thrived as an older student in a way that I had not when I was younger. Had it not been for a dark moment when things fell apart and the opportunity to go back to school presented itself, I would not have gone back. It was during this uncertainty where I could not see the future, however, God saw it and knew it was the right time for me. He gave me the nudge and continued to support me even when obstacles popped up.

One of those obstacles was that my husband had his first stroke and I cried out to God for help because I didn’t want to stop school as I had done so many times before. That was only through the courage that God gave me to finish that I actually completed my degree and now have a new opportunity to pursue graduate school. Without God, I would not have my degree. I know people will say that your hard work is what granted you that degree, although, I know that my effort alone was not enough. My belief in God is strong and I know that when I pray he answers my prayers whether it’s small or large, dire or easy, my God is always there.

A new year, a new decade means resolutions and promises that potentially are to increase one’s wellbeing mentally and physically. However, I would add that without God it will not matter what you try to do. In 2020, as a society, we are facing many difficulties. Poverty, crime, racism, war, and an increasing disconnection among people is growing. Suicide is increasing while the number of people who are diagnosed as depressed has increased in number. Mass shootings fill our news outlets daily and we have grown numb to it. Through all of this, God still sits on the throne. I don’t have the answers to any of the above-mentioned issues, yet, I know that to combat each problem we need God in our lives.

Not to be a Debbie-Downer, I know that I alone cannot solve all of the world’s problems, however, I know that if I make changes to my life and work on myself and my community then that is a start.  Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.” This verse always reminds me to have hope in spite of all that is going on around me, which is exactly why we need to have a foundation in God.

My hope for you is that whatever are the desires of your heart that God grants your aspiration and that you will remain in him. Let 2020 be your year where you overcome the obstacles in your life and allow God to lift you above whatever has held you back. Reset your thinking and your spirit and walk boldly into who you were meant to be. Make this the best year of your life. Let’s soar together.

Stop Living in Fear

There are only a few more days in 2019 and that means 2020 is almost here. A new year, a new decade will soon be upon us and I don’t know about you, but, I’ve learned some hard lessons this year. I’ve pushed myself to achieve some amazing goals this year and still faced some tremendous hurt and pain. Growth is essential just as change is inevitable and if we are to reap what we have sown then we must adhere to the lessons in front of us. I want to share some things that I have learned over this last year.

 

1. Love yourself and find value in who you are. You matter.
2. I’m responsible for my happiness, no one else’s.
3. For a person to have potential they must recognize that; it is not up to me or anyone else to recognize it for that individual. They must see it on their own.
4. Leave the past in the past. Not everything is a mistake, sometimes it’s a disappointment.
5. It is my job to hold people accountable for how they treat me.
6. No one needs another person to complete them. A companion joins another independent person to make a set to enhance their life.
7. Once you acknowledge your struggles now you can work through them and make informed decisions.
8. Fear is a scary place to live in, however, if we make decisions based on fear we may end up in regret.

 

In 2020, I want to stop living in fear and begin to live life in faith. I know that God has delivered me from some pain, struggle, depression, doubt, suicide, and sadness. Now I want to live in the light and not darkness. An attitude of positive expectancy has come over me. I can see my desires and goals and I never want to veer from this path. Fear will keep you trapped and repeating cycles of behavior because you don’t want to admit that you’re afraid.

 

In 2019, I finally completed my degree, which took a huge amount of courage to go back to school. As a wife and mother with much more responsibility it was more difficult to balance and maintain home, children, husband, and professional obligations. However, God blessed me to make it through and encourage others to go back and achieve their dreams. I can see the path that is laid out before me. Graduate school is not just a possibility, it’s a certainty. Two years ago, I produced my first play and in 2020, I want to produce my first film.

 

My children are thriving and I feel more confident in my decision-making abilities, which took a hit when I was going through my battle with depression. Indecisiveness filled me and held me, hostage, while the world moved on without a beat. Depression made me feel like I was trapped in darkness and that time elapsed slowly.

I tried to ignore it by being busy, but it wasn’t enough of a distraction. Unfortunately, depression makes you retreat into yourself especially when you need help the most. And I needed help. Therapy and walking daily helped to get me back on track. Acknowledging my struggles, pain and sadness allowed me to control my toxic thoughts. That process allowed me to discover some hard truths about myself and my life. It is still a struggle, however, each day I put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. I must not give up. I matter. It’s my responsibility to own my health and attitude.

 

2020 is almost here and I am going to walk into this New Year, this next decade free of the baggage and fear that has held me back. Anxiety and panic can no longer be my friends. God is leading me and directing me. My faith is strengthened because of what he has brought me through. He’s the same God yesterday, today and tomorrow. Don’t let apprehension take away your joy and peace. If you’re living in fear take a look at what scares you and face it. Take away the power from fear. Allow yourself to thrive. Don’t allow fear to force you into something that is not for you, stop living in fear.