Tag Archives: Finding Peace

When Trouble Comes


When the troubles of life come how do you handle it? I can’t always say that I’ve handled it well. Life can be brutal, yet joyful and sad and confusing all at the same time.

I co-wrote and produced a play and let me tell you the devil was busy trying to stop this production. Before you say everything is not just evil, you’re correct, however, money problems aside I’ve definitely been tested. First off, my stove conked out and so did my furnace both at critical times with finances very low for an extended period of time. My furnace simply went kaput when the weather turned cold. This may not seem like a huge issue, but when its cold a space heater doesn’t necessarily cover it. Secondly, my husband and I stressed each other out a lot, especially me trying to get this project off of the ground. Thirdly, my husband was accosted by the police wrongfully for looking like a person of interest as he was told. Two undercover officers barrelled up on him literally with guns out while he walked back from Sinai Grace hospital back to his office where he works because he carried a backpack and he was considered a suspect in a robbery. No probable cause outside of a shaky description. His personal effects, which included his bag of M&M’s, a boiled egg and some paperwork for his office were scattered and tossed carelessly onto the street by these two police officers. Once they got another call that the suspect was in custody, they took off. No apology, no nothing. So after two officers pulled a gun on him and one of them put the gun to the back of his head, my husband stood there shaken. After a couple of minutes, he quietly gathered his items and stood there still shaken on the street. Afterwards, he called me and all I could think about was that he could have been killed and we’d never know what really happened or even why it happened. I’ve had people try to throw dirt on me in regards to this production and others who tried to stop the production. It’s been an eye-opener for real.

This has been an amazing journey, yet humbling because through everything God has remained faithful and blessed this production. We got another stove from friends who had an extra in storage and we were able to buy another furnace again with the help of friends. They know who they are and words can never express how grateful I am to them. Through it, all my husband shouldered it so I could keep my focus on the production. All I can say after everything was said and done, I’m extremely grateful and thankful to all that supported me through this process. I’m reminded that doing the right things are never easy and that if they were, everyone would do it.

I’m exhausted, yet excited for what’s coming next. Escape to Paradise: Book 3, two new stage plays for 2018, yes, I’m ambitious. And although I’d love to be on an exotic beach right now, I have work to do. This grind process won’t manage itself. It takes dedication and commitment. The bible says, “Weeping may endureth through the night, but joy cometh in the morning.” My joy has been restored. I am grateful and thankful for the blessings and the trials. God has shown me what’s possible and no matter what troubles come and they will that’s life, my focus has to remain on God and his promise. People talk a lot about how you respond to life’s troubles or how you carry your load. Yes, I must remain positive and it’s all true that does determine how successful you are in handling something, but it’s not always the reality. Trust me I know.  Because I could feel the darkness creeping back in on me, but Praise God he blessed me to fight back and rebuke that terrible, dark spirit. 2 Chronicles 20:15″And he said, Hearken ye, all Judah, and ye inhabitants of Jerusalem, and thou king Jehoshaphat, Thus saith the Lord unto you, Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God’s.”

If you’re struggling to move forward or trying to figure out if something is supposed to be – just listen to God’s voice and he will direct you. He directed my steps and he can direct yours. All you can do is put one foot in front of the other and walk forward, speak a kind word to yourself and remember your blessings. God is ever faithful and will keep you. If you look back over your life at times when he brought you out of something just remember he did it once and he’ll do it again. Be blessed, my friends.

Confidence and Confrontation


Do you have the confidence to tackle your goals, address your grievances, confront those who have hurt you or take that leap of faith? According to the dictionary, confidence is the feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities and the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust. I know how it feels to doubt yourself and your abilities. It’s easy to let the negative Nancy dialogue play out in your head, “You’re not such and so, You’ll never be as good as such and such, Who are you to try and do this, Why do you matter, Why would anyone listen to you, you’re not smart enough, You don’t fit or look like what the expectations say you should or you don’t behave like expectations say you should”. Fear has stopped and killed more dreams and desires than failure ever could. How do I confront the very thing that scares me? According to the dictionary, confrontation is a hostile or argumentative meeting or situation between opposing parties. I confront my fear by having confidence in God, myself and my resolve to accomplish a thing.

When I first published my first book, I questioned would people really want to read something written by me? Will they buy it or is it just a pity purchase? When I was asked to share my story I wondered if I could engage my audience? Will they see and hear the fear in me? So many times we worry about the exterior concerns and don’t focus on the inner strength that we possess. If we focus on God, he will lead us to where we should be.

In the last few weeks, God has shown me the power of following his will. I’ve been given the confidence to share my story, engage my audience and educate others on the very topic that I discussed. Opportunities have blossomed and my books have given me the freedom to share my love of storytelling and increase interest in books and literacy. I’ve had the good fortune to address uncomfortable and hurtful issues that have occurred and addressed people who have wronged me. It’s no simple feat. It takes guts, courage, and faith to move forward and do what God has asked of us. What are you afraid of? You are more capable than you know. Believe in yourself and believe in God. Have the confidence to confront whatever is holding you back from the greatness that you desire. Take that step God will lead you to where you want to go.

Are you a priority?


Are you a priority in your  own life? Are your responsibilities screaming at you? Does your family demand so much of your time that you feel invisible? Are you a doer? Meaning you’re the one who people come to for advice, help or whatever? Do you find yourself struggling through something and people constantly complimenting you on how strong you are?

If you answered yes to any of the above than welcome to my world. The demands can be so great on you that you feel like your head will explode. I personally understand how sometimes a person can literally feel like they’re about to burst with rage, anger and sadness. Sometimes the responsibilities, the demands, the constant need is just too much.

What I learned from my therapist is that no matter how much needs to be done, when it’s due, or even who needs it you still have to make time for yourself. Mothers, especially with young children struggle with this because of the heavy demands placed on them. The world tells Mothers that you should do everything for your kids and be happy because they are a blessing. Which is true, however sometimes the demands are so great that you can grow exhausted, become overwhelmed and develop feelings of resentment.

I no longer try to put on the mask that says that I’m happy all the time because quite frankly I’m not. I’m exhausted, overwhelmed and sometimes downright irritated because my children will not cooperate. The great thing about this is now I honor my feelings and I take a break. I make time for myself whether its going for a run/walk, taking a long hot bath uninterrupted, reading or just having a glass of wine. I matter. My time matters and its important for my family to understand that as much as I do for them I need to do for me, too.

That means that you matter, too. Take time for yourself. What do you enjoy? That question stumped me when I went back to therapy because I had stopped doing the things that once interested me because I was so focused on my family. Find out what you love and embrace it in a way that makes sense for you. Everybody’s solution will not work for everyone, although sometimes we can take nuggets and improvise on them to make them work in our world.

Take time for yourself today. You matter.

Escape to Paradise: Book 2


A successful corporate attorney, Mia who lives in a historic and stately mansion has her life turned upside down when her sister and her family come to live with her after suffering a major financial setback. Her unemployed sister, Lisa and her husband, Marcus are struggling in an unhappy marriage along with the care of their eleven month old son, Jackson.

After struggling to keep Lisa and Marcus from destroying her home, Mia desperately needs a break and her brother, Jamal comes to her rescue. He sends her to St. Thomas where she meets William, a wealthy casino and real estate developer and sparks fly between them. William is struggling to get over being jilted at the altar in Las Vegas and unwittingly finds himself strongly attracted to Mia. Soon a bond forms between them that will test both of them and their desire for each other.

Check out my latest at http://www.kimberlybatchelordavis.com

 

 

It’s just too much


I awoke to another black man being killed for being a threat and then later finding out it’s a mistake. When is it ever going to be enough? Waves of anger, sadness, frustration and disbelief wash over me. I want to scream and cry. Police officers scare me although I know many officers. I worry for my husband and sons when they leave home.
My oldest is only eight, however he’s always mistaken for looking older than he is and I worry will someone hurt him because of that. My youngest is 4 and still has tantrums like the Hulk-I wonder will that get him killed. My husband who is a big, black guy and would literally give you the shirt off of his back I wonder if someone will mistake him for someone else and kill him.
These thoughts plague my mind and cause constant worry. Going to the store to pick up butter almost cost my husband his life a couple of years ago because he walked outside of the grocery store and saw a kid being shot two vehicles away from ours for an attempted carjacking. I worry about my male friends who are like brothers to me. I don’t want to attend any funerals for something like that. It’s just too much!
My girlfriends who have husbands and sons I worry for them and we worry for each other. We pray and talk about what we should be doing to protect ourselves, but unfortunately what can you do when the color of your skin makes you a target?
The answer for me is I don’t know. I’m tired, frustrated and angry. Every day it’s another shooting and although I support police officers why can’t they support us? Again I don’t know the answer to this question.
I pray each day over my children and my husband. I don’t know when this will stop, but I do know that people are angry and that anger never solved anything. It only hurts those that you love along with yourself.

Kimberly Batchelor Davis Mission Statement


Mission Statement

To create content that empowers, empathizes and embraces the struggles of women, writers and motherhood while fostering an environment that can celebrate, inspire and provide a safe place to discuss those issues that concern women, writers and mothers.

Crossed the Line


What happens when you continually do for someone and they’re so ungrateful and arrogant that they forget who helped him/her? By my very nature, I’m someone who gives to other people. I don’t do it for favor, recognition or anything like that-I do it because I can. However, lately I’m reminded of how much influence I actually do have and how that helps so many people, except for me. I’m working on my own projects and pushing myself to put in as much energy as I do for others. That’s been a struggle for me that have been going on for a real long time.

I’m reminded of how people don’t value me, although when they need me they run to me with their problems. Do I continue to help them in spite of their poor behavior?
When is it ever enough? Now don’t get me wrong – I can cut someone off like there’s no tomorrow, however I’ve learned to be more measured in my tone and actions. That’s being the more mature person, but when I’m reminded of why again and again it’s like being hit in the head with a brick.

I realize some people may be stuck in their ways and have not matured personally or professionally to where they should be, but that doesn’t excuse pitiable behavior.
As people, interpersonal relationships occupy our lives completely and one of the reasons that relationships fail is because of ego. It’s defined as “Somebody’s idea of his or her own importance or worth, usually of an appropriate level.”

What do you do when someone is out of control or just out of order? I don’t know the answer to that question. Part of me says Let it go, another says ignore it and finally another part says that eventually it’ll have to be addressed. We’ll see how the latter one goes because unfortunately I don’t like conflict. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” Proverbs 18:21 KJV

When people show you who they are believe them. I’m working on remembering that so when people try to use me for my resources I can say no confidence and peace of mind.

Follow Kimberly Batchelor Davis at wwww.kimberlybatchelordavis.com.

What are you grieving?


Grief is so personal and yet, so unlike anything that someone else may experience. Each individual’s experience with grief is personal and individualized. Life is ever changing, there are good times, bad times, births, weddings and deaths. The cycle of life continues on no matter what happens. And yes, life can be hard.
Sadness, anger, and depression go hand in hand with grief. However, I feel like my experience with post-partum depression was a grieving over a purpose that felt unfulfilled. When there’s not enough sleep, too much stress or chaos I long for the days when things seemed to make sense. I knew there were meetings, goals to meet, checks to be gained and that my husband and I would be able to deconstruct our day.
Now we’re lucky between parenting, bills, work and the stresses of life to get even a minute alone. I know that this is all par for the course, however this whole parenting thing changes you and everybody around you. It’s been a rocky road for me and that’s caused me more grief than I could have ever imagined.
Some days I long for the corporate rush of back to back meetings and caffeine infusions while balancing conference calls without the added intrusion of a little person. Then I remember the sweet little boys who ply me with hugs and kisses, who curl up in my lap and need me more than I can give sometimes.
From time to time my work commitments, volunteer and writing projects take a toll. Always feeling exhausted and worn out is never a good thing, however it feels like I’m always doing something for someone, yet always feeling like I’m alone. Parenting is the irony of always being surrounded by people, yet never having the connection that you need because you’re the one always giving.
I think about the time I miss with friends, family and even my husband because it’s always about the kids. So my grief is over what feels like has been lost rather than what has been gained. To help in my coping I’m actively working each day to have a few minutes to myself and working on my future goals that I have set for myself. Grief can be a process or a state. I’m choosing to not live there and I’m encouraging anyone else who is going through grief to seek help. There’s no right or wrong way just be true to yourself no matter what anyone says.

Welcome to the zany world of Kimberly Batchelor Davis


I’m all spent out emotionally


My brother said to me a couple of weeks ago. “You’re always there for everybody else who is there for you?” I paused and acknowledged how right he was, although I think at this stage in my life I really don’t have that tight knit circle of friends that I once had. We’ve all gone in different directions in our lives. I’ve comforted people, helped people launch their dreams, given money to someone in need and opened my home to people that needed it. So what do I get for spending my energy on others? Nothing.

Don’t get me wrong I have friends, I’ve just learned that going through this phase of my life that I’m really on my own.  So I ask the question what do you do when everyone around you constantly takes from you, but gives you nothing. I’m always the listener and advice giver to whomever needs it. I’m always focused on trying to help everyone else, unfortunately I struggle to help my own self. Whenever help is needed on a project-I’m the one that everyone runs to. But I don’t necessarily run to them when I need something. I’ve been burned too many times.

My friends remind me that in 10 years I’ll be able to hang out and do all the stuff that I feel like I’m missing out on. For me though, if I feel this disconnected from people now-why reach out then. Ten years is a long time and so much has changed in the last seven years.

Although I no longer rush out to do as much for people as I used to do. I’m much more selective and attuned to what my needs are. I still struggle with saying no, however I am getting better at it.

I recently told my husband how lonely I felt as a Mom. I was exhausted, frustrated and just all out of energy. He kept asking me what’s wrong. I said you can’t fix this-there’s no pill to pop and no words of encouragement that can make me not feel the way that I do. He seemed shocked that I felt the way that I did and he said in a few years this will all work out fine.

I don’t know in a few years who knows who I’ll be or what I’ll even be doing. I know that right now I’m simply spent emotionally. I just don’t have anymore to give. I made a promise to myself that I’d take care of myself this year. So I’m going to have to learn to do things by myself, which coincidentally I did this weekend and it was fun. It was nice to be only concerned with what I needed at that moment and no one else.  It’s time for me to refocus my energies again.

You can follow Kimberly Batchelor Davis at kimberlybatchelordavis.com, Twitter@batchelordavis, FB@Kimberly Batchelor Davis.

Escape to Paradise: Book 1 and Rose and the Enchanted Seven are available at amazon.com.