To create content that empowers, empathizes and embraces the struggles of women, writers and motherhood while fostering an environment that can celebrate, inspire and provide a safe place to discuss those issues that concern women, writers and mothers.
Miles and Aiden are my absolute joy and my struggle. Each day is a challenge. As a professional I pride myself on being able to master many tasks, but dare I say Parenthood is not one of them.
Recently, I went back to therapy and asked the Dr. “Is there something wrong with me?”
He replied, “No all mothers go through anxiety, confusion and struggle to adjust.”
After spending a quiet holiday with my immediate family and my brother I realized my wounds from childhood have reopened. The motto “Children should be seen and not heard” was my parent’s battle cry.
My brother confirmed to me what I always believed that it was better to be silent and suffer than speak up and face retribution. I have been so afraid of messing my children up for fear of making a mistake that I’ve neglected to just be their parent.
A friend of mine said, “Kim, you’re the perfect mama to Miles and Aiden, in their eyes, but in reality you’ll make mistakes, however they’ll never know because you’re all they have. And it’s okay just remember that you’re not alone.
Barbara doesn’t realize how much I needed to hear that. As mothers we have to stop comparing ourselves, criticizing ourselves and allow us to just be human. Because that’s all that we are. We’re just fallible, flawed people who have an incredibly important job in trying to raise, teach and prepare another human to be an adult and responsible citizen.
It’s already so difficult with all the judgements and critiques from society. Although at the end of the day you have to be proud of yourself and what you’ve accomplished as a parent.
I’ll be the first to say I have no clue as to what I’m doing, but I’m managing as best as I can. My children love me and respect me. My husband praises me on my performance. I just have to believe in myself and remember that my wounds are in the past and they can no longer hurt me. I must not give them power and from that use the knowledge of what not to do and turn it into positive behavior to help push my children forward. I’m a Mom not a TV superhero. My children believe that I’m a superhero sometimes and that’s okay, but I am learning my limitations and its all good. I don’t want to be a perfect mama. I just want to be me, flawed, happy and at peace with it all.
Out with the old and in with the new is a favorite New Year’s saying. This year I’m taking this message to heart. My priorities have to change. For far too long have I relegated myself to the background, while others accomplished their dreams and desires. This year I will self-publish a short story on-line and publish a graphic novel, also on-line.
Lots of good things are happening right now and it feels good to be positive and uplifted about the future. Last year at this time I feigned the feeling of positivity, but really didn’t practice it. This year will be different.
I have a blog with actual followers. So now I must write to keep my readers engaged and encouraged. Every person that is reading this should start their writing career if they are contemplating it or finish a writing project that may have stalled. The worst thing that can ever happen to a writer is to have regret.
For eleven years I have been waiting, wanting and writing. My prayers seemed to go unheard, but I know that things are in preparation for my success. Instead of being focused on the outcome I’ll set smaller goals and accomplish those. When 2013 comes to an end I won’t feel like a failure. I’m tired of being frustrated and trying to force something that obviously takes a lot of time. So I challenge each one of you to make a list and check it off and achieve your goals. Life is too short with too many unforeseen events. I’ve seen this happen too much in the last couple of years. Illness, deaths and births change your outlook on life and your priorities.
My children are truly a blessing to me and so is my husband, but how can I tell them to go out and fight for their dreams if I don’t fight for mine. The challenge for 2013 is to to keep my faith, family and writing in high priority. Prayerfully, I have been given a gift to write and I must honor that if only for my sake. My wish for everyone is that your stories will have depth, character and intrigue. May you also be able to write easily and steadily. Happy writing and I’ll see you in 2013.