Tag Archives: Detroit

When You have a Vision


When you have a vision it can seem as vast as the horizon of a lake or an ocean. It can also seem overwhelming when you are trying to share your vision with those that are important to you.  The vision can feel like a monumental force propelling you forward on some fantastic journey, however, the process of sharing those ideas with someone can be hard to do especially if the person that you’re sharing with is not able to really conceptualize the idea or even not mentally open to it.

I attended a brunch yesterday where several entrepreneurs, authors, speakers and creative people bemoaned the difficulty of how hard it is to share their vision with someone. I disclosed that I’ve faced criticism from those that are more concerned with how much money I’m going to make, or how I should be living my life. Many in the group echoed similar sentiments, especially when dealing with close family members.

One attendee suggested that sometimes people aren’t sure how to respond positively to you and that there might be a fear that you’re leaving them. Another said, “Just focus on being the person that you are to them, whether that’s son, daughter or friend.” I replied, “What great advice.” It struck me that sometimes we get caught up in the importance of our vision because it was given to us, however, no one else may see it or even feel as passionate about it as we do.

So until you’ve found the necessary support and not just a cheerleader section keep your vision between you and God. I’m not saying don’t share it just know and understand who you are talking to. Understand the dynamics of the relationship in which you are in. God has given you and only you this vision. Perhaps, you’re supposed to rely solely on him to achieve the desired outcome and give him the glory.

Change Your Perspective


Sometimes we have frustrations because our perceptions of how things should be did not happen.  I’m a person who has high expectations for everything and everyone around me because I behave how I want other people to respond to me, although life doesn’t work like that. Unfortunately, I’m constantly disappointed. I have an unrealistic expectation that my children should clean up and be responsible for their things, most people would say yes that’s reasonable, however, they’re four and eight so I’m always telling a little person where their stuff is or should go. So consequently I live in a state of frustration with them.

I’d like to believe that my husband can always tell what mood I’m in, unfortunately after twenty years he’s still clueless when it comes to what makes me tick or how I’m feeling and I have to remember that he’s not a mind reader, although that’d be nice. So in between kids, bills, jobs, and just stuff we have to figure it out. When things happen I know that my friends will be there, although it’d be nice to just hang out when there is nothing going on and just enjoy each other’s friendship. The same goes for family, although with my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles deaths it seems that the younger generation has grown further apart. So my current situation is that  I am producing my first play and am struggling with my expectations and trying not to be disappointed. There is much excitement, however, there is fear that somehow this won’t go well or that something will happen to screw it up and it will be all my fault. I’ve become the person who expects to be disappointed. This has developed over the years. I know this is a result of that nagging voice in my head that speaks poorly. Gotta figure out how to shut her up.

I told someone the other day that my day started off wrong and then it ended well, but I have to remember to stay in the moment and not let someone or something knock me off my square. It’s hard to be present and at peace when you’re juggling family, marriage, career and whatever else you have going on. Most days I feel like I’m running around in a circle. This year so many things have come my way another death in the family conflicts with other family members, financial struggles continue episode 10,003, health struggles and the constant feeling of am I really moving forward or just standing still.

I don’t know about you, but I desperately needed to change my perspective. I drove to the beach and sat by the water and talked to God. My spirit calmed and I was able to focus again on my goal. Remember, it’s our perceptions and expectations that disappoint us not people. I had a conversation with someone about death and how folks always say they will check in on you, but they do not. The reality is no one owes you or has to do anything for you. People become consumed with their lives and assume because you are maintaining yours you must not be struggling. However, those of us that are considered strong struggle in silence. I’ve had to tell people that I’m extremely sensitive and I know I live in my feelings a lot, although I dare not show them. Very few people will ever see me ugly cry or even get really angry and if you do that means I trust you a hell of a lot. I have this thing about keeping up appearances and having control. I know no one ever has control and it’s always about how you respond so sometimes I try to not respond and keep things cool, which, at times has made situations worse, but that’s another post.

The reality is unless I’m going to become a hermit and live on an island by myself (my personal dream is to own my own island) than I have to interact with folks. That means that although I may desire something from them they may not be able to give it me because they are not equipped or don’t want to. That can be disappointing, however, it’s a real truth and one that has to be accepted.

 

The Basis of my characters


Each and every one of the characters that I create are based on either something  that I’ve experienced, witnessed, or read about. Being a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend has given me loads to write about. In Escape to Paradise I use my experience with postpartum depression in an exaggerated way to broach the subject. In addition to postpartum depression I exaggerate the need to be everyone’s caretaker. For me this has always been one of my greatest weaknesses. I care too much for others and have paid for it with much emotional pain.

As a former caregiver to my mother and grandmother the stories, experiences and range of emotions that I can share are vast and deep. The helplessness, loneliness, exhaustion, frustration and anger are just the tip of what many caregivers experience and share. When I had my first child the feeling of being overwhelmed, full of love and absolutely terrified of everything consumed me. With Escape to Paradise I have planted these issues deep inside two main female characters and had them act out in such a way that these hurts were brought to the surface.

With the introduction of my two main male characters you get to see how they respond to the female characterizations along with dealing with their own issues and hurts. Life can be a fruitful library of ideas if you know where to look. My great-grandmother taught me the art of people watching and I must say that because of that skill I’ve been able to create some wonderful stories.

If you desire to be an Author or you are a writer try using personal experiences as a point of development in moving the story forward that you want to write. Not everything has to be true only the essence of the situation. Try it and see where it takes you. For me it took me to Escape to Paradise: Book 1 and 2.

Check out Escape to Paradise

kimberlybatchelordavis.com

 

Escape to Paradise: Book 2


A successful corporate attorney, Mia who lives in a historic and stately mansion has her life turned upside down when her sister and her family come to live with her after suffering a major financial setback. Her unemployed sister, Lisa and her husband, Marcus are struggling in an unhappy marriage along with the care of their eleven month old son, Jackson.

After struggling to keep Lisa and Marcus from destroying her home, Mia desperately needs a break and her brother, Jamal comes to her rescue. He sends her to St. Thomas where she meets William, a wealthy casino and real estate developer and sparks fly between them. William is struggling to get over being jilted at the altar in Las Vegas and unwittingly finds himself strongly attracted to Mia. Soon a bond forms between them that will test both of them and their desire for each other.

Check out my latest at http://www.kimberlybatchelordavis.com

 

 

When Life feels weary…


When life makes you weary, the feeling can be overwhelming. It’s an underlying symptom of depression, I believe.  Part of my struggle is that I have a desperate need to be something, other than just a Mom and a Wife. I know I’m an author, community activist, event planner, playwright, etc., but it doesn’t help when you see people around you fulfilling their goals and I’m still struggling with mine. The word tells us to be grateful and thankful for where we are and what we have.

My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. James 1:2-5.

 

I struggle with this because my gut tells me there is so much more for me. I’ve seen so much and can see myself in such a greater place than where I am now. Unfortunately, I don’t have a fairy godmother who can wave her magic wand and make something instantaneously happen so I create characters and stories in the mean time.  I have to rely on my faith. So I acknowledge my struggles through my characters.

My books deal with disappointment, loss, sadness, forgiveness and peace. Escape to Paradise deals with family stress, disappointment, forgiveness, love, lust and trust. My protagonist Mia deals in her issues of feeling the need of taking care of people all the while ignoring her own needs. That’s a classic case for me. I’ve often said it’s easier for me to address someone else’s situation than it is mine. I even added in a juvenile character to address my struggles in dealing with my children. My boys are both ultra-competitive and it’s literally driving me crazy. They fight over everything. Most days I just want to put them out on a street corner and say “See ya’ wouldn’t want to be ya’.” It’s more than a notion in dealing with those two.

The struggle for peace in one’s life is tough and deeper than what many people believe.  Some days are easier than others, although today feels like I could just curl up in a ball and pull the covers over my head. I know that I can’t hide. Facing my issues and duties is what everyone has to do. I’d just like to be on a beach while the ocean laps at my feet and I write my next story. Continue to press on, write, acknowledge how you feel and pray. God will provide a way.  Seek out counseling Therapists are helpful tools and can assist us in identifying what’s bothering us and why.  Continue to move forward…I am.

 

People Pleasing: How I validate myself…Enough is Enough


Here’s my confession, I’m a people pleaser and I despise myself for it. I’m always going above and beyond for people because that’s what I want people to do for me, however that’s not real life. I was listening to a radio show and the host said “Some of us don’t know how to love ourselves.”
This resonated for me. The host discussed ways in which she showed love to herself through inspirational greeting cards.

I don’t really do anything for myself because I’m always busy doing for others. My days are spent juggling schedules, husband, kids, home and attempting to string some words together in a coherent fashion for an article or a book. Let’s just say that most days it’s a losing proposition. My attention is usually pulled towards the yelling, fighting or some type of disgruntled behavior between two particular little people. Between homework, potty training, discipline and bedtime it can all be a bit much trying to keep up with the Joneses. (You know those mothers who always act like they are doing everything right and you are doing everything wrong).

In my former professional life I struggled with always needing to have my work validated by a superior. After complaining to my former boss that she didn’t give me credit for a project that was well done – she replied that I shouldn’t need anyone’s praise to know that I did a superb job. I said I know that I did a great job, but that it would be nice to be recognized by her. I remember leaving her office feeling dejected and unappreciated. Fast forward to now and it seems like no matter what I still feel unappreciated because the very people who I break my back for are ungrateful. That’s probably harsh because they’re kids, however it doesn’t negate how I feel.

I told someone recently I no longer have a desire to care about other people’s feelings or be polite. That shit hasn’t gotten me anywhere except more and more pissed off. People only do for others what they want to do and it’s usually not even close to what you may want so why do I bother to care because I have a big old sensitive heart that gets broken quite frequently. So as much as I may try to stop being a people pleaser it’s probably always going to be a struggle for me.

I have to love myself enough to know that I did my best no matter what anyone says. Practicing forgiveness is a big part. I’m very hard on myself and I think that’s why I look for others to validate me so I don’t feel like I’m making it up.

If you’re a people pleaser like me try to practice loving on yourself you may just find that your voice is the only one that matters. That’s what I’m working on…

It’s just too much


I awoke to another black man being killed for being a threat and then later finding out it’s a mistake. When is it ever going to be enough? Waves of anger, sadness, frustration and disbelief wash over me. I want to scream and cry. Police officers scare me although I know many officers. I worry for my husband and sons when they leave home.
My oldest is only eight, however he’s always mistaken for looking older than he is and I worry will someone hurt him because of that. My youngest is 4 and still has tantrums like the Hulk-I wonder will that get him killed. My husband who is a big, black guy and would literally give you the shirt off of his back I wonder if someone will mistake him for someone else and kill him.
These thoughts plague my mind and cause constant worry. Going to the store to pick up butter almost cost my husband his life a couple of years ago because he walked outside of the grocery store and saw a kid being shot two vehicles away from ours for an attempted carjacking. I worry about my male friends who are like brothers to me. I don’t want to attend any funerals for something like that. It’s just too much!
My girlfriends who have husbands and sons I worry for them and we worry for each other. We pray and talk about what we should be doing to protect ourselves, but unfortunately what can you do when the color of your skin makes you a target?
The answer for me is I don’t know. I’m tired, frustrated and angry. Every day it’s another shooting and although I support police officers why can’t they support us? Again I don’t know the answer to this question.
I pray each day over my children and my husband. I don’t know when this will stop, but I do know that people are angry and that anger never solved anything. It only hurts those that you love along with yourself.

Kimberly Batchelor Davis Mission Statement


Mission Statement

To create content that empowers, empathizes and embraces the struggles of women, writers and motherhood while fostering an environment that can celebrate, inspire and provide a safe place to discuss those issues that concern women, writers and mothers.

What are you grieving?


Grief is so personal and yet, so unlike anything that someone else may experience. Each individual’s experience with grief is personal and individualized. Life is ever changing, there are good times, bad times, births, weddings and deaths. The cycle of life continues on no matter what happens. And yes, life can be hard.
Sadness, anger, and depression go hand in hand with grief. However, I feel like my experience with post-partum depression was a grieving over a purpose that felt unfulfilled. When there’s not enough sleep, too much stress or chaos I long for the days when things seemed to make sense. I knew there were meetings, goals to meet, checks to be gained and that my husband and I would be able to deconstruct our day.
Now we’re lucky between parenting, bills, work and the stresses of life to get even a minute alone. I know that this is all par for the course, however this whole parenting thing changes you and everybody around you. It’s been a rocky road for me and that’s caused me more grief than I could have ever imagined.
Some days I long for the corporate rush of back to back meetings and caffeine infusions while balancing conference calls without the added intrusion of a little person. Then I remember the sweet little boys who ply me with hugs and kisses, who curl up in my lap and need me more than I can give sometimes.
From time to time my work commitments, volunteer and writing projects take a toll. Always feeling exhausted and worn out is never a good thing, however it feels like I’m always doing something for someone, yet always feeling like I’m alone. Parenting is the irony of always being surrounded by people, yet never having the connection that you need because you’re the one always giving.
I think about the time I miss with friends, family and even my husband because it’s always about the kids. So my grief is over what feels like has been lost rather than what has been gained. To help in my coping I’m actively working each day to have a few minutes to myself and working on my future goals that I have set for myself. Grief can be a process or a state. I’m choosing to not live there and I’m encouraging anyone else who is going through grief to seek help. There’s no right or wrong way just be true to yourself no matter what anyone says.

Welcome to the zany world of Kimberly Batchelor Davis